hand-me-down martyrdom

sources say there are muscles in the back of my neck. and they want to kill me

low key feel bad for whatever master took on baby olruggio. like have fun here's an adultified 7-year-old who has already been traumatized by death and monsters and gets nightmares about it. he has a problem with authority, doesn't trust adults, has no problem lying to said adults, probably hates his dad, is codependent with the wise of teaching's apprentice who looks like he bites and hey he also sneaks out into the wilderness regularly with said apprentice. and oh! he's a prodigy who probably thinks he knows more than you. good luck!

well she’s not a personality hire. and her skill set is mediocre. and she’ll probably use a lot of her pto. and honestly her presence kinda brings down the room

stop. analyse that text through the lens of its author's intentions and original historical context. okay now take the author out back and kill them dead and analyse that text as though it were published by your mutual yesterday and is in direct conversation with the contemporary discourse that's most relevant to your life. okay now pick your favorite angle of interpretation and come up with the strongest possible argument against it. now imagine that the text is your best friend and that it means you well and that you naturally give it every benefit of the doubt because you're on its side and you want the best for it. now imagine that the text wants you dead and it'll eat you if you don't eat it first. now pretend that you found this text locked away in a cave with no evidence of when or where it came from and you have to divine its meaning solely through its internal coherence and nothing else. okay now address the elephant in the room aspect of the text you've been ignoring because you find it boring or confusing or uncomfortable and become the number one expert on it. now spend forty minutes assigning all the characters dnd classes with at least three sentences of reasoning each. okay now do the cha cha slide.

[yelling at the club to someone i met ten minutes ago] do you think im a burden be honest

under my dictatorship all the people i like would be very happy and all the people i hate would suffer a lot what do you think

when the clock is at :45 it’s like. oh i have a whole quarter of the hour left i have so much time this is great and then it hits :47 and you’re like it’s basically :50 which is basically the top of the hour and all my time is wasted forever and ever

cats will be like please i need you to watch me wiggle around on this carpet please hey look look please look at me i’m wiggling

All the men I hunt for sport are sustainably and ethically sourced.