hand-me-down martyrdom

no one does, and julien looks so... distraught

do we think it kills julien just a little bit that the main thing he can't do for occtis right now is heal him? do we think julien would have healed occtis outside of the tachonis manor when he had his pseudo heart attack if he could have? julien can't get healing through his class features - do we want to bet he picks up a medicine kit proficiency so he can tend to occtis?

god and how much did it hurt occtis that the only person who had his back, who cared about him, truly, in that moment, was julien? no one listened when occtis told them to stop touching him (he didn't use those exact words, sure, but the tone made it clear), no one healed him even though one of the people touching him was a paladin who definitely could have - a paladin who had been in charge of holding onto the thing that, for all they knew, was keeping him alive. a paladin who had been his friend and maybe isn't anymore

like i think on a broad level and probably how the relationship truly started was occtis reminding julien that he (occtis) is a noble, and julien having the realization that in the absence of aranessa, protecting occtis is the closest julien can get to his baseline of normal. julien only knows how to navigate the world as a vassal and a guard - he can be both of those things to occtis. AND occtis, by virtue of being someone destined for his family's noose (again), will invariably get julien within striking range of every tachonis

and im sure that's what julien keeps telling himself every time he puts himself in danger to keep occtis safe, every time he puts aside his vengeance to comfort occtis, every time he yells at someone else in the group for blaming occtis for something, every time he makes a point to meet occtis' eyes and share a moment of understanding

and occtis, for all his claiming that he doesn't like julien, relies on him and trusts him. he knew that julien was waiting to bring him to safety in that battle, he trusted julien to be his shadow when he went back into the manor even though julien explicitly stated he didn't want to be there, he trusted julien enough that, in the face of his father's rage, he leaned into julien for comfort and followed him away to safety

idk if matt and alex are angling for romance, and i don't even care if it ends up being one. whatever occtis and julien have going on is so compelling all i want is for them to follow it organically to whatever conclusion they feel makes the most sense