you are NOT welcome to my twisted mind

we're having sex and you pull out at the end to discover your cock is entirely gone, dissolved (ive digested it like a pitcher plant). bye!

You'd unfollow me for my pitcher plant pussy post? After the beautiful night we shared???

WASNT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT. PESIS IS GONE.

hot take but i think cars should be required to have communication radios just like big semi trucks. we should all be able to talk to each other on the road. not bc this would help in any way but because i want it to sound like a counterstrike lobby every time i drive somewgere

what do you mean you havent used mindfulness techniques to accept the state of the torture labyrinth as is yet. its like youre not even trying

if a number divided by itself is always equal to 1, surely this holds true for 0/0 as well

l’hôpital

it’s been...... 6 minutes and 32 seconds since i last received any attention... its tough out here... i’m already starting to run short on supplies..... i really might not make it this time....

every single school teacher should get paid $300,000 a year minimum and ICE agents should all die simultaneously in agony. this is my congressional budget plan

You have to play portal if you haven’t played it yet thats NOT okay portal 1 is like 4 hours and portal 2 is like 7. How much time do you spend every week scrolling social media. Ok now replace that with thinking with portals. Guess what you just played two 10/10 games and it’s not even Sunday

If I made a video game, I'd make it so that large dirt mounds would shield the pigs from harsh winds.

And by pigs you mean your, well, you know

one of my favorite tropes in chinese literature is when a guy’s wife is clearly a ghost/demon/fox fairy and he just can’t see it. i’m reading a story where this guy keeps getting arrested because his wife will just magically steal steal shit out of sealed boxes and give it to him as a present, and whenever someone is like dude i think something’s up with his wife he asks her and she’s like i’m literally normal. so he turns around and says yeah guys she’s literally normal

when I was in high school my dad was speeding like crazy because I was running late to my job at the cemetery. and the cop who pulled him over gave him three whole tickets because who the hell goes 95 in a 25??? but then, when my dad went to court the cop didn’t show, and so the judge looked over at the charges and just couldn’t believe it. he thought the cop must’ve been so racist that he made it up because who the hell goes 95 in a 25? so my dad got all 3 tickets dismissed bc of racism. that he didn’t even experience because he was in fact going 95 in a 25.

to clarify. my dad used to be a cab driver in ny and he also grew up in india so he just drives like a dickhead.