Just thought Iād make a masterpost for my blog ^_^ so yāall can find my stuff easier
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#star reblogs (reblogs only tag)
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#EDdiary (my diary posts documenting my experiences attempting to recover from an eating disorder, at times triggering so be aware to tread carefully, particularly graphic posts I do tag and add a warning. Not daily, just whenever I feel like it)
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Imagine the six days scenario with the boys, but it turns out the mission was supposed to be done in one day, and the reader went through he'll to get out and is met with this reaction? Imagine when she finally tells the reason she was away, would they regret their actions? How would they react? Don't know if if you take requests, if you do, consider this one.
If not, I am glad I got to read this masterpiece, thank you ā¤ļø
Thank you so much for the request ā I absolutely do take them, and I really appreciate this one! ā¤ļø
I tried so hard to keep it short, since the āSix Daysā theme has already been thoroughly explored... but, well, I failed spectacularly š So hereās another deep-dive into a what-if/imagine scenario ā one that can be read as either an alternate branch of the original storyline or... something else entirely. Iāll let you decide š
Iād love to hear your thoughts if you read it ā truly means the world to me!
Iāve received so many requests for continuations ā especially for Xavier ā and yes, his already has a full-length, dramatic follow-up (because how could I not?).
This one here is more of a request-based scenario, but it can absolutely be read as its own kind of continuation. Think of it as an alternate path the story could have taken.
(One day Iāll write full versions for all the boys⦠but for now, consider this a little taste.)
Hope you enjoy ā and as always, Iād love to hear what you think! š¬š
Here are the links to the previous parts in the series, in case you want to revisit or catch up:
Original Post | Xavier's Story
CW/TW: Psychological trauma, PTSD themes, Forced isolation, Violence / combat injuries, Mentions of starvation, Emotional manipulation, Past emotional abuse, Mental breakdowns, Intense guilt / self-blame, Brief implications of suicidal ideation (in self-sacrificing context), Adult intimacy (emotionally driven, not graphic)
The Truth ā What Really Happened
It was supposed to be one day.
A clean, strategic infiltration. In and out. No complications. No room for error.
But no one accounted for the Wanderer.
No one predicted that the targetāsome nameless, faceless shade masquerading as a rogueāwould be more than just dangerous. That he'd found a way to twist Protocore into something ancient and volatile. That he would trigger a fracture in time itself.
In a single blink, the world split. You fell into it. And the loop began.
Six days for them. Six weeks for you.
You lived, died, and bled your way through the same endless day.
Again. And again. And again.
Locked in a cycle of violence, decay, and despairāwhile everyone else moved on without you.
You clawed your way backāhalf-starved, half-mad, barely remembering your name. And when you finally escaped the loop, stepped back into their world, broken and still breathingā
They were waiting.
Angry. Unforgiving. And utterly, terrifyingly unaware.
Until now. Until you tell them.
š Xavier
It only felt right to write Xavierās piece after the continuation I posted earlier.
The original scene stood strong on its own, but this oneāthis is what came next.
The moment after the storm. The truth laid bare.
A quiet, alternate branch of the story, or perhaps a natural consequence of the one that already unfolded.
Either wayāIām glad it found its voice.
You donāt ease into it. You sit across from him in the quiet of the morning, sunlight creeping up the walls like itās unsure of its welcome, and you tell him.
Not six days.
Six weeks.
A loop. A fracture in time. An engineered nightmare that left you bleeding against the same hours, over and over, clawing through shadow just to return to him. Alone. Lost. Dying.
Xavier doesnāt speak. Doesnāt even blink.
But something in him breaks.
Not loudly. Not violently. Itās quieter than breath. Slower than thought. His fingers slip from the edge of the cup in his hand, and it falls. Shatters against the floor with a sound so sharp it startles the silenceāceramic shards skittering like teeth across stone.
Still, he doesnāt look at you.
He stands, but not with purpose. With instinct. His body moves before his mind can catch it. He turns, walks toward the far wall like heās searching for air, like the room is suddenly too small to hold whatās happening inside his chest.
You riseāhesitant, achingābut he lifts a hand to stop you. Not cruelly. Gently. Like heās afraid that if you touch him, heāll fall apart in a way he canāt recover from.
He presses his palm to the wall. Just one. The other curls into a fist at his side.
āI thought you abandoned me,ā he says at last, voice raw in a way youāve never heard from him. āAnd I punished you for it.ā
He turns back.
And thereās nothing left of the man who told you to ask again in six days. Nothing of the controlled strategist, the ever-collected ghost of war. His jaw is clenched too tight. His eyes are glassed over with furyābut not at you.
At himself.
āI accused you. I mocked you. I dismissed what little strength you had left and threw my pain in your face like it was the only thing that mattered.ā
He crosses the room again, slower now. Purposeful. His hands donāt tremble, but his voice does.
āI let you stand there, in front of me, broken... and I thought I was the one whoād suffered.ā
He kneels.
Not dramatically. Not for effect.
He lowers himself before you like a man who no longer believes he has the right to stand. His gaze stays down. One hand reaches inside his coat, and when it returns, you see it:
A blade.
Polished. Ritual-cut. Ceremonial. One of the old onesāetched with language you donāt recognize. But you understand that these words mean oath, atonement, belonging.
He offers it to you in silence. Flat in his palm.
āWhere Iām from,ā he says, quietly, āa wound like this is paid in blood. A betrayal like mine is not survivedāit is surrendered to.ā
Your hands donāt move. Your breath barely does.
āIf you want justice,ā he whispers, ātake it.ā
You stare at him. The weight of the blade between you. The weight of everything.
And thenāslowly, gentlyāyou take it from his hand.
Only to let it fall.
The sound is soft this time. Barely a whisper of steel on floorboards.
Then you fall with it.
You drop to your knees in front of him, wrap your arms around his shoulders, and let your tears fall freely.
āI donāt want justice,ā you breathe into the curve of his neck. āI want you.ā
He doesnāt pull away. Doesnāt speak. Just holds you, arms banding around your waist, face pressed into your shoulder like heās trying to memorize what survival feels like.
When he finally speaks, itās not confession. Itās surrender.
āAfter what you endured⦠after what I made you endure alone⦠I donāt know what anything means anymore. Not the mission. Not the cause. Not the point.ā
You pull back, just enough to see him.
His eyes are hollow with grief. But deeper stillāsomething flickers.
āI thought I understood devotion,ā he says, voice barely above a breath. āBut I was wrong. What I gave you wasnāt loyalty. It wasnāt love. It was pride. Control. Fear, dressed in logic. And I used it to wound you when you were already bleeding.ā
His jaw tightens. His gaze falls.
āI was cruel.ā
Itās not said for effect. Thereās no tremble in his voice, no self-indulgent break.
Itās simply true.
āAnd Iām sorry.ā
The silence that follows is soft. Dense. Not empty.
You brush your fingers across his cheek, tilt his face toward yours.
āI forgive you,ā you say. Steady. Clear. āBecause not everything in this world is black and white. And I understand why you did what you did. I know the shape of your fear.ā
Your thumb brushes beneath his eye. His breath catches.
āI didnāt tell you to hurt you. Or to punish you. I told you becauseā¦ā You pause. Your voice thickens with truth. āBecause youāre the only one I trust with all of it. The only one who would understand. Who wouldnāt fall apart under the weight of what Iāve lived through.ā
You lean forward.
Kiss him. Gently. Not desperate. Not demanding.
Just there. Warm. Real. Home.
Your hands slide up to his temples, fingers massaging slow circles at his hairline, coaxing the tightness from his brow. You feel itāinch by inchāhow he softens beneath your touch.
āLet it go,ā you whisper. āDonāt carry this weight. Not for me.ā
He exhales, shaky. Silent.
You hold him tighter.
āYou are my light, Xavier. You illuminate the path. You anchor me when everything else turns to ash. And in that placeāthose six weeksādo you know what kept me alive?ā
Your voice breaks, but you keep going.
āI couldnāt bear the thought of you mourning me. Thatās what kept me breathing.ā
He says nothing for a moment.
Just rests his forehead against yours. One hand moves to your chest, flattening over your heart like heās grounding himself with your pulse.
Thenāsoftly, firmly, as if carving the words into stone:
āYou will never carry pain alone again. Not while I draw breath.ā
No grand vow. No poetry.
Just fact.
And somehowāthatās what makes it a promise.
š Rafayel
The morning sun slips in like melted gold, tracing the edge of the sheets, catching the soft arch of your cheekbone. You lie half-curled beneath the covers, his T-shirt clinging to your body like second skin.
And in that sacred hush before the world stirsāyou speak.
Not because he demands it. Not because you owe it.
But because somewhere between the echo of his heartbeat and the way his arms wrapped around you like the only anchor you had leftāyou remembered how to breathe.
You tell him.
About the mission. The Wanderer. The fracture in time.
About the loop.
How six days for him were six weeks for you.
How you woke up every day inside the same nightmare. How you died. How you clawed your way back. Alone. Over and over.
And when you fall silent, your voice scraped raw from rememberingāhe still doesnāt speak.
He just looks at you.
Like the sun never rose until he saw your face again.
His hand brushes your cheek, feather-light. His voiceāwhen it comesāis almost a whisper.
āAre you ready to share the rest?ā
You blink. āThe rest?ā
āThe weight of it,ā he says. āNot the facts. Not the fight. The dark. The ache. The part that still wonāt let you sleep.ā
His voice is gentle. Too gentle for a man like him. It trembles with caution, as if even asking is a violation.
You hesitate. The memories flicker like shadows across your mindādistorted, aching, sharp.
āNo,ā you answer truthfully. āMaybe not ever.ā
His gaze doesnāt falter.
He nods once. No protest. No press.
Then his voice, lighter this timeāalmost a whisper:
āThen Iāll just have to help you forget.ā
And he does.
He lifts you carefully, as if your body might shatter beneath his hands. You expect the weight of a blanket, but insteadāhe wraps you in something else entirely.
A covering like seafoam. It feels like nothing youāve ever touchedāgossamer, weightless, but cool and smooth against your skin. A whisper of silk and tide.
āIt's from home,ā he murmurs, adjusting it carefully over your shoulders. āWoven from the oceanās first breath. They say it keeps sorrow out.ā
Thenāhe scoops you up like you weigh nothing. Carries you to the kitchen with quiet reverence, as if this moment is sacred.
He sets you down on the marble countertop and kisses your knee.
Then he starts making coffee.
He hums as he movesāsomething aimless and tuneless and purely him. You close your eyes for a moment, letting the scent of roasted beans and vanilla settle around you.
And thenā
āSo,ā he says casually, not looking up, āa cat broke into the studio last night.ā
You blink. āA cat?ā
He nods solemnly. āOrange. Loud. Looked like he owned the place. Knocked over three canvases and nearly drank my turpentine.ā
You raise a brow. āAnd naturally, you assumed this was my doing.ā
āWho else would weaponize cuteness to such chaotic effect?ā
You laughāquiet but real. āIām not that cruel.ā
āNo,ā he agrees, turning to face you with a soft smile. āBut I do suspect youāre still hoping Iāll change my mind about cats.ā
You sip your coffee. āI might be.ā
Later, the bath is warm, the water laced with something lavender and soft. He sits behind you, your back pressed to his chest, his arms a steady weight around your ribs.
His fingers move slowlyāmassaging your shoulders, your forearms, your palms, like heās trying to erase every echo of pain from your body with touch alone.
You both talk, but nothing heavy. Just stories. Old memories. Little things. The shape of the moon that night. The smell of burnt sugar in his favorite gallery. How he once mistook a mannequin for a person and apologized to it for five minutes.
You laugh again, softer this time. And it makes something in him melt.
He wraps you in the softest robe he can find. Carries you againāthis time to the bedroom. The ocean glows outside, waves catching the last of the sun like pearls tossed across the horizon.
But he doesnāt stop there.
āCome,ā he says, offering a hand. āTea. Sunset. Company far superior to mine.ā
You smile. Follow.
And when you step onto the verandaāthere it is.
A small white basket. A red ribbon.
And insideā
A snow-colored kitten, curled like a pearl in a nest, blinking up at you with impossibly blue eyes.
You freeze.
Turn to him, wide-eyed.
He shrugs, just slightly. Nervous. Like heās bracing himself for mockery. For rejection.
You blink again. āYouāRaf, you hate cats.ā
He exhales through his nose. āI fear them. Different thing.ā
Your eyes shimmer.
He moves toward you slowly, hands lifted in surrender.
āI wanted to make you smile,ā he says simply. āThatās all. Justāsmile. Like you used to. Before Iāā He swallows.
He crouches down before you. One hand comes up to gently stroke the kitten. The other finds your knee.
His eyes lift to yoursāand thereās no performance left in him now. Just Rafayel. Just the man beneath the glitter.
āI was so awful to you.ā
You open your mouth, but he shakes his head.
āDonāt say it wasnāt that bad. I know what I am when Iām scared. I threw wine over grief and laughter over longing because I didnāt know what else to do. I ruined canvases with your name on my tongue and strangers in my house, and the whole timeāI just wanted you to walk through that door.ā
His fingers tighten on your leg.
āAnd when you didāwhen you came backāI was so full of rage at the idea youād left me, that I didnāt even ask if you were okay.ā
He breathes. One hand comes up, presses lightly to your ankle.
āI donāt know if I deserve this. Any of it. You. The right to hold your hand. To be the one who touches you when youāre tired. Who makes you laugh. Who paints your name into the ocean.ā
You slide your fingers into his curls, threading gently through the soft waves.
And he stills. Like heās afraid to move.
You whisper, āI never wanted perfect. I wanted you.ā
He exhales.
āI swear,ā he says, softly now, firmly, āon every color Iāve ever touchedānever again. Iāll never put my pride above your heart. Iāll never leave you alone in the dark I made.ā
Thenāhe leans forward. Presses his forehead to your knee.
The kitten meows softly, curling into the basket.
And finallyāyou smile.
Because this?
This is home.
š Zayne
You expected something.
A tremor. A breath. A word. Anything.
Instead, Zayne listened. Like a doctor reviewing a chart. Like a man auditing loss.
He didnāt speak when you finished. He simply noddedāonceāand turned away, reaching for the drawer by the bedside as though the moment hadnāt cracked the very floor beneath his feet.
His hands, always precise, always godlike in their stillness, carried a faint tremble now. Just at the edges. So minor you mightāve doubted your own eyes, if you didnāt know how obsessively exact they always were.
āI asked,ā he said, adjusting a monitor. His voice was quiet. Neutral. Not for youāfor himself. āI asked if youād caught a cold.ā
He finished adjusting the drip, typed something into the tablet. Still no eye contact. Still no softness in his voice. But the line of his shoulders was off. A degree too low. A breath too far from centered.
Thenāhe turned back to you.
His gaze met yours at last. And though his voice didnāt change, the words did.
āI would like to conduct a full diagnostic. Neurological, cellular, metabolic.ā A pause. Then softer, with exquisite restraint: āPlease allow me.ā
You hesitatedānot because you doubted him, but because you recognized the plea underneath the logic. He wasnāt doing this for the data. Not really.
You nodded.
And he breathed again.
He worked in silence. Gentle. Thorough. Every sensor placed with hands that barely touched your skin. Each test executed with a reverence that spoke more than words ever could. He treated you like something sacredāsomething already broken that could not, must not, fracture further.
When sleep finally came, it swallowed you whole.
And when you opened your eyes againāthe world was still. Dim. The sterile light of early morning filtered through the blinds.
Zayne sat in the chair beside your bed. Unmoved.
He hadnāt changed clothes.
The same shirt. The same faint stain near the cuff from yesterdayās blood draw. One elbow rested on the arm of the chair, his fingers curved over his mouth, gaze lost in some calculation too heavy for paper.
When he noticed you stir, his posture didnāt shift. But his eyes warmedājust barely. Just enough.
āI cancelled my procedures for the week,ā he said simply. āTransferred patients to colleagues. For now, my only case is you.ā
You blinked, silent. Then your gaze drifted down, to the low table by the bedside.
There, lined with the kind of hesitant care that comes from someone unused to gifts, sat a modest row of familiar things. A bouquet of white jasmine, fresh and fragrant. Two of your favorite candies in delicate wrappers. Andāabsurdly, heartbreakinglyāthree new plush toys, small and soft and so clearly chosen by someone whoād spent an agonizing amount of time in the gift shop second-guessing every decision.
Your heart folded inward.
āAm I dying?ā you asked, quieter than you meant to.
He didnāt smile.
But his voice, when it came, was soft and absolute.
āI wonāt allow that.ā
A long silence passed.
Then you shiftedācarefully, your muscles achingāand reached for him.
āCome here,ā you murmured.
For a moment, he hesitated. Not because he didnāt want to, but because some part of him still didnāt believe he deserved the invitation. But he came. And when he lay beside you on the narrow couch, his body held a tension that didnāt ease until your head rested on his shoulder.
He stayed still. Let you move first. Let you curl against him the way you needed. His hand hovered over your back, uncertain, until you nudged it gently into place.
Only then did he hold you.
Not tightly.
Not desperately.
But with the kind of quiet conviction that said he would stay as long as it took.
You felt his breath in your hair before you heard his voice.
āI donāt pray,ā he said, low, clinical as ever. āI believe in medicine. In numbers. In protocols.ā
A pause. His fingers brushed your spine, feather-light.
āBut if you hadnāt come back... I wouldāve made an exception.ā
You didnāt answer. You didnāt need to.
Because some things, even with Zayne, are understood in silence.
And in that silence, held against the rhythm of his heartbeat, you felt it clearly: you were no longer his patient.
You were his entire world.
ā¤ļø Sylus
For a moment after you speak, the room holds its breath. So does he.
Sylus doesnāt ask questions. Doesnāt deny it. Doesnāt demand proof or press for detail. He simply stands there, stone-still, with your words unraveling him from the inside out. The way you say itāquiet, unshaking, without accusationāis somehow worse than if youād screamed.
His gaze drifts over you then, and you feel the moment the veil lifts.
Itās in his eyes firstāhow they widen, flicker, and fixate. He takes in the shadows beneath yours, the pallor of your skin, the hollowness in your cheeks. His breath catches when he sees how your clothes hang looser than before. How your hands tremble faintly, barely perceptible unless one knows you too well.
And Sylus knows you.
His chest rises once, sharp and shallow. Then he moves.
Not fast. Not sudden.
But with purpose.
The next second, heās in front of you, reachingāhis fingers brush your jaw, feather-light, as if afraid that even the weight of his touch might bruise. He doesnāt speak as he leads you gentlyāgently, from a man whose hands have broken bonesāinto the nearest chair. One knee hits the ground beside you. He opens your jacket with slow precision, not to expose, but to check. To see. To know.
āYouāve lost weight,ā he murmurs, voice rough and uneven, like gravel sliding beneath steel. His fingers glide down your arm, finding the sharp edges of bone where softness used to be. āWhy didnāt I see it sooner?ā
You try to speak, but he shakes his head, already rising.
He moves through the room like a storm with no windāsilent, but charged. Opens drawers. Pulls out clean clothes, a blanket, a glass of water. Then heās back at your side, crouching again, one arm draped over your lap like a bridge between his fury and your exhaustion.
His hand wraps gently around your ankle, thumb pressing lightly against the bone there as he stares at it like it personally accuses him.
āI told them to take you.ā His voice is lower now. Hoarse. āTold them to scare you. Make a point.ā
He looks up at you. And for once, his face is completely unguarded.
āI hit you.ā
It wasnāt hard. It wasnāt brutal. Not for someone like him.
But it was enough.
His voice falters, only slightly.
āAnd then I said I wouldnāt look for you.ā
He exhales, and itās not a breathāitās a confession.
āThat was the worst one, wasnāt it?ā he asks. āOut of all of it. Thatās the one that stayed.ā
Your silence says enough.
And something in him breaks againāquietly, like a structure folding inward with no one left to hold it up. His forehead presses lightly to your knee, his arm tightening around your thigh. You feel him breathe you in, like scent alone might bring you back from the half-place you escaped.
āI shouldāve known the second I touched you that something was wrong. I shouldāve seen it on your face.ā His voice cracks, just once. āBut I was so angry. So fucking angry I couldnāt feel anything but the space where you werenāt.ā
He pulls back. Looks at you againāslowly, steadily. And something inside him hardens, not with rage, but resolution.
āYouāre not lifting a hand again. Not for food. Not for water. Not for anything. I donāt care how long it takes. I donāt care what it costs. Youāre going to rest, and Iām going to fix thisāyouāwith my own hands, piece by piece.ā
And when he stands, itās not the usual slow menace or calculated power.
Itās reverent.
He lifts youānot like someone injured. Like something sacred. And when he carries you out of the room, wrapped in warmth and silence, there is no doubt in your mind:
Sylus will not let go again.
Not even if time itself tries to take you.
š Caleb
You arenāt even halfway through when it hits him.
Not like a punch. Not like a wound.
Like an organ failing.
He blinks once. Twice. And then nothing. No movement. No breath. Just silence.
You look up, startled, and the absurdity punches out of you in a short, cracked laugh.
Itās the wrong moment. Too sharp, too bitter. But it slices through the tension like a scalpel.
And stillāhe doesn't move.
His hands press against the table, white-knuckled. Not to steady himselfāhe isnāt swaying. Heās rigid. Locked. Like something in him has calcified to hold him upright.
āIām not fit to lead,ā he says, voice flat, low, scorched. āNot when I see betrayal in the only person Iāve ever trusted.ā
Whatever breath of amusement you had left dissolves instantly.
āI didnāt just fail as someone who was supposed to protect you,ā he adds. āI failed as yourāā He stops. Chokes it down. His jaw clenches so hard you can hear the sound of his teeth grinding. āAs your Caleb.ā
And thenāhe moves.
Quick, purposeful. Gone in a flash. You hear the kettle filling, the sharp click of a drawer, the dull thud of something fragile hitting the counter too hard. The way he clutches at control would be laughable if it werenāt so violent.
Then the bathwater starts.
Hot. Too hot. Heās not measuring anything. Just pouring. He throws open the cabinet, snatches towels, drops one, curses.
When he returnsāhis phone is in hand. āIāll call Dr. Navik. I want a full neurocardiac scan, and we need to rule outāā
He stops. Mid-sentence. Thumb poised over the screen.
You donāt say a word. You just watch as something slows in him. As if time, for once, is merciful.
He lowers the phone. Turns toward you.
His voiceāwhen it comesāisn't clipped or cold or distant. It's frighteningly gentle.
āPip-squeak.ā
He kneels before you, as if heās afraid standing over you might shatter what little is left between you.
When he reaches out, itās so slow. So reverent. The back of his fingers graze your cheekbone, barely there. Not because he doubts youābut because he doubts himself.
āHow do you actually feel?ā he whispers. āNot what I can fix. Not what the scans will say. Just you.ā
You breathe. Only once. It shakes.
āLike roadkill,ā you murmur. Then softer, almost smiling: āA hot bath wouldnāt hurt. And sleep. Maybe a week of it.ā
Your faint attempt at a smile breaks him.
Not loudly. Not outwardly. He doesnāt cry. But something in his face folds in on itself, like itās suddenly too heavy to wear. He draws a slow, trembling breath.
āI accused you,ā he says, and now his voice is wrong. Hoarse. Quiet. Dismantled. āI accused you of being with someone else. After you went through six weeks of hell.ā
You try to speak. He doesnāt let you.
āI thought you left me,ā he says, and this time his voice cracksājust barely, but itās there. A faultline in steel. His eyes are on the floor now, unfocused, as if heās speaking to ghosts.
āI believed you would.ā
His breath falters, like the truth is costing him oxygen.
āThat it made sense. That I wasnāt enough.ā
A pause. His throat works hard around the next words.
āOr worseātoo much.ā
His hand curls into a fist against his thigh, knuckles white. Not from anger. From restraint. From the effort not to collapse under the weight of everything heās never said.
āThat youād finally find someone who doesnāt smother you with love that borders on obsession.ā
He shifts, like his own skin is too tight. His jaw clenches. His eyes squeeze shut for half a second before he forces them open again, forces himself to keep looking at youāeven if it kills him.
āSomeone who wouldnāt try to chain you close,ā he whispers, ājust because heās too selfish to breathe without you.ā
He looks at you nowāreally looksāand the devastation in his gaze is endless.
His voice breaks on the last word.
āSomeone who wasnāt⦠me.ā
And for a moment, heās not a soldier. Not a leader. Not even a man.
Heās just Caleb. That boy who loved you before he had language for it. And who never stopped. Even when it ruined him.
His hands curl into fists against his knees.
āI interrogated you. Like a stranger. Like a traitor. And all the while you were trappedāalone, dying, fightingāand I was worried about your silence in my bed.ā
A breath. And another. Like heās drowning in air.
āI loved you before I even knew what that word meant,ā he whispers. āI carried it for years, swallowed it, starved it. I told myself it was wrong. Forbidden. And the moment I finally had youāreally had youāI destroyed it with my own hands.ā
He doesnāt look at you. Not until your fingers find his.
Then he shudders. And looks up.
āYou always forgave me,ā he says, voice breaking now. āEven when I didnāt deserve it. But this time⦠if you donāt. If you canātā¦ā
His hand trembles in yours.
āā¦Iāll understand.ā
You shake your head. Just once.
And in that secondāhe folds into you, arms curling around your waist, forehead pressed to your stomach like a prayer he doesnāt believe he deserves to say out loud.
When he finally carries you to the bath, itās not in silence. He keeps murmuring thingsāsmall things, promises, broken confessions, names only he calls you. He doesnāt try to be strong. He only tries to be there.
And when youāre finally in bed again, drowsy and warm, you find him already beside you. Fully clothed, facing the ceiling, his hand resting on the sheets between you like a lifeline.
You whisper his name.
He turns his head, eyes dim in the dark.
You reach for him, and he comes to you instantly, without hesitation. He lies down beside you, and when you press your head to his chest, he exhales like itās the first real breath heās taken in years.
His hand strokes your hair once.
And then, quietāso quiet it almost isnāt realā
āIāll never be the same.ā
You donāt respond.
Because you both know itās true.
And because you both know he doesnāt want to be.
Rafayel notices the second you start brushing past him without a glance.
You head to the kitchen, open a cabinet, pretend you donāt feel his eyes burning into your back.
āCutieā¦ā he calls softly.
You donāt turn.
He inhales dramatically a long, suffering breath like a poet abandoned by his muse.
āOh, weāre doing that today,ā he murmurs, walking toward you in slow, graceful steps.
He comes to lean against the counter beside you, arms crossed, purple hair falling over his eyes.
āYou know,ā he starts, voice husky with wounded pride, āwhen you ignore me, it feels like someone dimmed the universe.ā
Still no answer.
He leans in closer, breath brushing your cheek. āCutie, look at me. Please.ā
When you donāt, something inside him cracks. His hand, warm and trembling, slides up to cup your jaw not forcing, just holding. āYou donāt have to forgive me, or smile, or⦠or be sweet with me. But donāt shut me out.ā
His forehead almost touches yours; the air between you is warm.
āDo you have any idea what you do to me?ā he whispers. āI go crazy imagining what youāre thinking.ā
And then, so quietly it barely qualifies as words:
āCutie⦠do you ignore me because you know Iāll chase you?ā
When you finally turn toward him slowly, hesitant Rafayel freezes like heās afraid youāll vanish if he breathes too loud. Then his expression melts. Relief, devotion, and that dramatic, lovesick intensity all at once.
He immediately wraps his arms around your waist from behind, face buried in your shoulder. āDonāt do that to me again,ā he murmurs, voice shaking with emotion he pretends he doesnāt have.
He follows you everywhere for the rest of the night, brushing your hair behind your ear, kissing your temple, whispering, āYouāre looking at me again⦠thank the stars.ā He wonāt stop touching you soft, needy, poetic. Heās glued to you.
ā šššššš
The house grows quiet, but Xavier doesnāt break the silence.
He simply watches from the doorway while you fold clothes on the sofa, pretending he isnāt there.
He waits.
Heās patient.
But his patience has a limit.
After several minutes, he walks over, sits beside you, and lets his knee brush yours not by accident.
āYouāre ignoring me,ā he says calmly. Not a question.
You keep folding.
He takes the shirt from your hands and sets it aside. āDonāt do that.ā
You still donāt look at him.
Xavier exhales softly and then tilts your chin toward him with two fingers gentle, but firm enough that you know resisting wonāt work.
āI donāt mind if youāre angry,ā he says, meeting your eyes with quiet intensity. āI donāt even mind if you think I deserve it.ā
His thumb sweeps your jaw. āBut you donāt get to disappear on me.ā
The space between you becomes electric.
āIām right here,ā he whispers, voice dropping. āStop running from me, please.ā
The moment you finally look him in the eyes, Xavierās whole body relaxes, tension dropping from his shoulders. But he doesnāt say anything at first.
Instead, he hooks an arm around your waist and pulls you into his lap like itās the most logical place you could be. āGood,ā he whispers against your temple. āStay here.ā
He keeps a hand on you at all times afterward your back, your thigh, your wrist calm but absolutely unwilling to let you drift even a step away. His voice stays soft, but his eyes track your every move. Youāre not getting out of his sight for the rest of the night.
ā ššššš
Zayne follows you into the hallway, hands in his pockets, expression collected but eyes sharp.
You grab a book.
He leans against the wall, watching.
āYouāre unusually silent,ā he says in a low tone. āIs that meant for me?ā
You walk past him.
He catches your wrist, not harsh, not possessive, just enough to stop you. His voice stays level, but thereās a controlled intensity under it.
āIām not the type who gets flustered when someone ignores me,ā he says. āBut you?ā
A pause.
āYouāre the exception.ā
You try to pull away, but he steps closer, lowering his head to your level, nose nearly brushing yours.
āYou want space?ā he murmurs. āThen tell me that.ā
He releases your wrist but slides his hand to your waist instead slowly, deliberately.
āYou want me to try harder?ā A faint smile appears. āI can do that too.ā
His breath warms your ear.
āJust donāt pretend I donāt exist. You know well Iām hard to ignore.
When you finally speak even just a quiet āZayneā¦ā he lets out a breath he didnāt realize heād been holding. His composure cracks, just a bit.
He steps closer, one hand sliding to the small of your back, guiding you against him with deliberate slowness. āThere you are,ā he says, voice low and warm.
He stays right behind you for the rest of the evening, brushing fingers along your hip when he passes, checking your expression every few minutes like heās making sure youāre still okay. Controlled on the outside, but clingy in a quiet and persistent way.
ā ššššš
Sylus lounges on the couch, boots crossed at the ankle, watching you storm around the house in silence.
He smirks. āYouāre ignoring me? Bold choice.ā
You go to pick up a remote, but before you can, Sylus snatches it and lifts it above his head.
āTry harder,ā he teases.
You glare.
He laughs softly, deep and rich.
He sets the remote aside and approaches you in slow, almost predatory steps. āYou think silence is enough to keep me away? You underestimate me.ā
You try to pass him, but he steps in front of you, blocking the hallway completely.
āTell me what I did,ā he says, leaning down. āOr donāt. Iāll figure it out on my own. I always do.ā
His hand brushes your waist feather-light, testing.
āIf ignoring me is your signal,ā he adds, eyes darkening playfully, āyou might want to find another one. This one just makes me want to get closer.ā
The second you sigh his name, Sylus grins smug, victorious, and just a little relieved under the surface. He steps into your space instantly, hooking a finger under your chin.
āKnew you couldnāt resist me.ā
He pulls you into his chest, arms locking around you in a slow, heavy embrace that doesnāt let you go. And he doesnāt move. He stays draped over you like a weighted blanket lying over your back on the couch, sitting pressed against your hip, playing with your fingers just because he can.
If you try to get up, he tugs you right back. His clinginess is physical, teasing, impossible to escape.
ā ššššš
Caleb stands awkwardly near the kitchen table, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he watches you rummage through drawers without a word.
He hesitates then tries again.
āHey⦠uh⦠you havenāt said anything in a while.ā
No response.
He chews his lip, then suddenly walks over, grabbing your shoulder gently but firmly. āOkay, no. Weāre not doing this.ā
His voice is low, serious, the tone he uses when heās scared but trying to hold it together.
āYou ignoring me feels like I'm someone who doesn't matter.ā he admits.
His fingers slide down your arm to your wrist, holding it carefully. āBut I do matter to you⦠right?ā
He steps a bit closer, chest nearly touching yours.
āTalk to me,ā he whispers. āPlease.ā
His eyes drop to your lips for half a second then snap away like heās embarrassed he even looked.
āBut⦠only if you want to.ā
When you finally turn toward him, Calebās breath stutters. His eyes go soft so soft it hurts. He steps forward, then stops, then steps forward again like heās worried youāll change your mind.
Then he wraps both arms around you and hides his face in your neck. āDonāt scare me like that,ā he mumbles, voice small.
After that, he sticks to you stubbornly, holding your hand everywhere, sitting beside you with your legs touching, checking your face every few minutes to make sure youāre still okay. Heās gentle, clinging in the sweetest, most earnest way.
summary: in which you forget to tell the lads boys that you love them.
ft. xavier, zayne, rafayel, sylus & caleb
notes: suggestive comments so MDNI / NSFW, xavier is pathetic again, zayne is kinda evil (lovingly), rafayel is stupid, sylus is lovely, caleb is strangeā¦no explicit mentions of gender (!!!), a few suggestive comments but thatās it (i think)
p.s. iām like genuinely knocking tf out whenever i hit post so if something is grammatically incorrect or i accidentally post my entire life on hereā¦look away until i wake up maybe!
a/n: this is kinda bad iām SORRYā¦iām sleep-posting this iām so tiredā¦ty for reading (- -)(_ _)
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summary: in which the lads boys are a little bit, kinda sorta, slightly jealous.
ft. xavier, zayne, rafayel, sylus & caleb (and a special guest!)
notes: basically just fluff, minor allusions to drinking/partying but not explicitly mentioned so itās up to your interpretation! theyāre all a little sinister + evil + concernedā¦what can i say. thatās it (i think).
p.s. GUESS WHOOOOOOOOOO
a/n: valko i plan to Eat you soonā¦ty for reading (- -)(_ _)
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You can really tell whoās never experienced poverty and food insecurity when it comes to discussions around food costs and how unhealthy food is cheaper. Some fucker always comes in with the price of like⦠lettuce or⦠apples. And itās like yeah bitch but can you work an 11 hour shift after eating some salad and an apple!?! Find me something cheaper, and more filling than the broke ass staples of boxed mac and cheese, hot dogs, noodles, bread, beans, and rice. Iāll wait.
It also ignores the mental toll that poverty takes like maybe your home made veggie filled recipe isnāt crazy expensive but it also involves prep time and cooking time and organization in terms of fresh food that a lotta poor people canāt manage.
Not to mention if you can only afford to get to the store once every couple weeks via bus or cab then you canāt keep fresh veg on deck.
a new reality tv show called So you think you can write Doctor Who
twelve episodes, twelve contestants - a mix of annoying middle aged sci fi authors, fan fic authors and random people off the street
a variety of against the clock writing tasks, big finish scripts, ability to interact with actors without shouting at them and challenges where you have no budget or doctor for an episode
judged by solely by christopher eccleston
this is how you find the new doctor who showrunner
Don't leave your friends and even acquaintances to go to the hospital alone. If they don't have someone already going with them and don't explicitly tell you they don't want you there, go to advocate for them. Outcomes for sick people change dramatically when they have someone else there to observe doctors (making them know they can't get away with negligence) and note symptoms from an outside perspective.
Going to the hospital is scary and even someone totally unprepared to be a medical advocate or physical support will be better than nothing, purely from their presence. You can grab food, be there with your phone to search if theirs dies, go in search of a doctor, distract them from pain or discomfort... go with them.
I saw this video about a doctor who performed an MRI on a 5 year old and discovered she essentially had ābrain damageā from excessive iPad use, as the white matter in her brain couldnāt form properly due to an understimulated environment.
Hmm itās almost like thereās supposed to be adult figures responsible for monitoring her screen time and making sure she develops properly⦠certainly this isnāt the result of neglect at the hands of her parentsā¦
āThis 5 year old is brain damaged by excessive iPad useā
Translation: This 5 year old is developmentally impaired by neglectful parents who used an iPad as a stand-in for social and environmental stimulation / interaction for hours at a time during critical early stages of child development. The iPad is the cop-out.
āChildren donāt have the strength to hold pencils anymore because they only use screens.ā
Translation: Parents arenāt making the conscious effort to help their children develop necessary skills and letting iPads raise them.
When are people going to realize the iPads and whatnot are the instruments through which the neglect is happening through and not the cause? How the fuck do you let your child have such a severe lack of physical strength in their hands that they canāt hold a pencil properly?
People will see a study suggesting children with higher screen times have poorer or negative developmental outcomes and immediately say itās the screens causing this, and not the more likely fact that higher screen time = less engagement time with their environment, physical exercise, parents, family, and their peers, all of which are NECESSARY for a healthy upbringing as a social species.
Itās like saying a dog who was kept in a cage all its life and left with atrophied muscles was damaged by the cage, and not by the fact its owners were too lazy to play or walk their dog in order for its muscles to build properly. The cage is the instrument of neglect and the owners are the perpetrators, in the same way parents are the perpetrators and weaponizing screen time as an excuse and painting themselves as helpless bystanders.
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Ok I know we laugh at Barney not realizing he's in love with Valancy and Valancy not even realizing Barney likes her, but I think after the fact that even her own mother didn't like her (act dutifully as a mother, yes, but like, no), Valancy for me gets a pass with her cognitive distortion that Barney only pitied her, and it taking almost a year for her to think that he even liked her as a buddy.