The Woman Who Writes

Zayne has always been blunt, but that doesn’t mean he’s careless. He’s blunt when it’s required; medical results, taking care of health, or about addressing that he knows you’ve been teasing him for the past five minutes just for a reaction.

But emotions require nuance. Because he knows you’ve been feeling off– he can see it in the way your visits seem to dwindle in time, and his notifications receive less and less texts. At first, he might think you’re mad at him, but you laugh on a phone call, and bring him a box of his favorite treats. That’s how he knows you’re not mad at him– you’re mad at yourself. 

Zayne puts in more effort, where you drop it. Decided to skip breakfast because you were too tired? He brought you a brown bag, anyways, and he’ll even drive you to work. You come for lunch at his office, and he makes you try some of the ‘new juice’ they had at the cafeteria in the hospital just so you drink something that isn’t just straight caffeine. Texts get sent after he finishes every task, just to check in with you. When you respond with ‘im good, just busy’, he isn’t swayed. 

Its when he finally comes home and starts making dinner– the one he knows you love– when you ask what's up with him. When he confesses he saw you feeling down. He sees the stages of guilt, of pain, the memory of whatever was dragging you down flicker through your eyes as the tears well up; for a second, he wonders if he went about this all wrong. And then your tears start to spill, and you tell him he didn’t have to worry, and you try to come up with an excuse before he pulls you in to his chest– one hand keeping the dinner from burning, as the other rubs your back.

“It’s okay. I’m… I know I tell you I always want you to be okay. That is just for your physical health. If mentally, you feel bad, I don’t need you to hide that from me. Even if you don’t wish to confide in your doctor for fear of judgement… Please know that as your partner, I will never judge you for feeling like this, and that I’ll do whatever I can to help you feel better.”

Rafayel always talks about how he feels. He complains about Thomas. About the stupid gallery he doesn’t want to go to, about how he’s felt a little burnt out, recently. However, you never complain back about what upsets you. Small things, yes. A papercut that stings, a person who’s been driving you up the wall…

But something else has been bugging you, and he isn’t sure how to approach it. Rafayel doesn’t want to force you, but he doesn’t want to just ignore your feelings, either. And he’s worried that the longer he waits to say something, you’ll think he doesn’t see you, or doesn’t care, and you’ll find him unreliable. 

So, he does what he’s always known to make you smile. Takes you out. Nowhere fancy at all, actually. He and you run down the beach. He’ll pick you up, spin you around, draw inappropriate things in the sand, do whatever he can to see you smile. Even if he only cheers you up for a second, sometimes coming up for air is all it takes to open up.

It’s when you’re coming down from the laughter, where you look guilty again. He decides to maybe start– he complains about something minor, before asking if you have anything thats happened recently. Rafayel doesn’t think much of it, until he sees you shake your head no, clamming up again. Deciding enough is enough, he says that you can tell him, and it's more than fair for him to listen. When you hit him with how you think your issues don't matter because his issues seem so much bigger? Rafayel cuts you off.

“Ah, but– shh- listen to me, cutie. It’s not a competition, you know. Even if I was bleeding to death right now, I’d still want to hear you tell me about what’s been bugging you. Especially if you think it's trivial. In fact, I’ve been dying to know all day. So, if you’d please enlighten me…”

Sylus knows. Whatever it is you’re upset about– he’s not a fool. He sees how your face sours when it's brought up, when your words turn bitter while speaking about yourself.

At most, he’ll respond with a tsk. Tell you not to speak about yourself like that. He tries to pry, once. Ask if you’d want to talk. When you say that you’re okay, and that your negative words mean nothing– he doesn’t buy it. But, he’s never been one to push.

So, he waits. Sylus waits through conversations where you call yourself stupid. Sylus waits when Mephisto’s camera feed shows you crying in your bedroom, alone, and then saying nothing about it to him. And he waits when he takes you out and you look around with glossy eyes like you’re not supposed to be there. Like being by his side will get you in trouble.

He doesn’t mention it. A hand stays on your waist. Calls you pretty a half dozen times, his tone carrying the same sincerity the eighth time as it did the first. Its somewhere between ordering dessert and your glasses getting refilled you break– say you don't deserve this with tears spilling down your cheeks.

An arm slips under you without hesitation. A coat that isn’t your side falls around your shoulders, and the dessert is boxed and taken with you. The fresh air feels nice, but it doesn’t help when you feel like shit. You cry more. He lets you. Says you do deserve all of this– and when you continue to reject it, all your issues spilling out at once, he listens, holds you in his grip. 

“I know. Sweetheart, I know. But I promise you-- it will be okay. I know some issues are bigger than money, but you'll always have me to rely on. And, if you don't see the value in yourself, I'll have to show it to you."

Caleb's the exact same. Honestly, you could hold a gun to his head before he’d confess that he’s feeling bad. He never wants to ruin your mood. 

Little does he know that it is. He’s been home for the past few days now– and he can tell you’re keeping something from him. Teasing words don’t work, and even directly asking results in nothing. He knows you’re not mad at him, because you usually give him even more of a silent treatment, but he can’t for the life of him figure out what's wrong. 

The worst part is, you keep parroting him. Asking how he’s doing, if he’s okay. He keeps saying he’s fine– because he means it. Even if he’s had rough days in Skyhaven, he’s always happy by your side.

The breaking point is when he finds you crying. When you quickly dry your eyes and say you’re fine, he doesn’t accept it. Caleb practically pleads with you to tell him what's wrong– and you do. When he asks why you didn’t tell him, and you say it's because he never complains and you don’t want to seem like the weak one, he’s kicking himself.

“Pipsqueak… Listen to me. I'd never think you're weak. Never. You're so strong. And truthfully… I have nothing to complain about when you’re by my side. But… If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll let you know when things are bugging me too, ‘kay? But you have to promise to do the same.”

Valko isn’t aware, at first. Not because he isn’t paying attention– he is. All his senses are laser focused on you, always. It’s just… That your relationship is new. As far as he knows, you’re always happy around him. Sometimes you ramble on about things that have been bugging you, but you’ve never come to tears. 

And truthfully, he’s been nothing but honest about himself. How he feels, what he wants… He’s always been rather forward with his words. No one gives you what you want if you don’t say it. It's foolish of him, but he assumes you'd be the same with your feelings.

Normally there’s time in the day where he’s busy, or not around. For work, his family, and so on… But today, he’s decided to focus on you. Holding you in his arms, snuggling… A good break, if he says so himself.

That is, until the smell of something salty hits him. Followed by laboured breathing, and a mumbled apology as he pulls back to ask what's wrong. His tail does a sad flick, his ears droop, when he sees you start to cry. Before you can even answer– his grip tightens and he keeps you firmly held against his chest.

“Shh… shh… it's okay, lil pup… I got you. Just let it out. If it’ll help, you can rub my ears, pet my tail, or talk about it, if you want? It’s always been better to talk about it than it is to keep it bottled up…”