I'm gettin' back on the horse! Ya see me doin' it!

Vote for me and I will make werewolves real

Top scientists wil work hard round the clock to make it a reality

Bottom scientists as well

I would take a job pushing the Sisyphus rock if it paid 20 an hour and I could wear my headphones

“we live in an uncaring universe” yeah dude and I live in an uncaring house. and I shit in an uncaring toilet. but do you touch an uncaring lover? do you comfort an uncaring child? do you guide to sleep each night a cold and uncaring self?

please hurry up in reblogging this I wanna jorts it before someone puts it in one of those heartwarming tiktok slideshows

i was like 'what could jorts it possibly mean' but as with many things clicking the original post immediately clarified the situation

Imagine you realise being gay is an option because you kiss your best friend who is getting married to your crush who might only be your crush because every other man you know is a chopped geriatric and then a transfer student tells you your mother is Osama Bin Laden

Aaah this is such a good summary

i think the scientology speedrunners should start visiting the hospital mitch mcconnell is supposed to be in. i think it would be enriching for them

I know you're all here to jack it to, frankly, the best muppet porn fanfiction that tumblr has to offer but I have other things to talk about that I cannot remain silent anymore such as 1. My American Psycho remake fancast and 2. The fact that hit comedian Ally Beardsley is my Patrick Bateman send post

Willy Wonka is just Saw with chocolate

This is disturbingly accurate….

!!! So cute!