that's not what you do with mayo

can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do

the great thing about the wuxia genre is you can start a sect called the Evil Blood Cult in a place called Demon Mountain that’s a volcano full of poison and you all wear crazy gothic black and red hanfu and practice Sinister Backstabber Style kung fu and like. that’s not a deterrent to prospective disciples. do all that and a fuckton of bright eyed youngsters will still show up at your door and say hello i would like to join the demon mountain evil blood cult where do i sign up?

now that the world cup is out of the way can we focus on me instead

What other animals would benefit from a hammerhead variety?

knowing how it tends to go with male authors and their wives it was probably marge who wrote the odyssey

mammals whenever they encounter any sort of problem: hold on let me secrete a useful fluid

"Have we tried mucus *and* keratin?"

"we detected a mature post" yeah I'm in my 30s

I know the “Vane called Flint gay for living in a house” thing is funny but I think in all seriousness Vane was calling Flint a class traitor for living in a house which is in some ways much funnier

HOT AUTISTIC ADULTS IN YOUR AREA ARE UNSURE IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO THEM...CLICK HERE TO ESTABLISH CLEAR INTENT

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

big shoutout to the gas station near my house which is running a deal on energy drinks and thought the best way to express this on their large LED sign was to make it read BANG MONSTER 2/$5

update: you'll be pleased to know that they rethought their sign and have changed it to read MONSTER BANG 2/$5

Monster bang inflation 😵‍💫

monster bang inflation 🥺🥺🥺