frequently tedious or regrettable

happy pride if youre straight pay me 20 dollars

I see from the notes that we're all havin a normal one 👍

That’s the human equivalant of the “sir are you aware you are a cat” meme.

I thought I was Jewish when I was her age but I was actually Catholic so when my Jewish friends invited me to give a prayer at his house during Chanukah and I recited “Our Father who art in heaven…”, my friend’s mom got on her knees and said to my face in a super soft voice, “Joey, I think you’re catholic not Jewish,” in front of everyone and I thought I was in trouble and I started crying.

I didn’t know church denominations existed, I just thought Catholic was the thing you called Christian people? (You know, ‘cause the Credo…) So I said I was Catholic and my mum was like “No honey we’re Protestants” and I literally responded with “What are we protesting?”

The answer to “what are the protestants protesting?” is of course, the catholics

I started going to a protestant church when I was a kid because it was closer to my house and this adult teaching Sunday school said all non-Christians were going to hell and I said, “But I’m not Christian, I’m a Catholic. Am I going to hell?” And she stared at me like she hated me and I took that as a “yes”.

the other night i tried to make a curry and i got chilli burns all over my face, so i thought to myself ‘hang on, doesn’t milk soothe chilli burns? it does’ and i couldn’t google because i couldn’t see so i just had to blindly feel my way to the fridge and pour out a bowl of milk, and then plant my face in the bowl of milk, anyway at that point the rice cooker went off and triggered a power surge which turned my electricity off, which i didn’t notice at first because i had my face in a bowl of milk and when i did emerge from the dairy prison i thought i had gone blind with chilli burns. so no i don’t really cook much.

What the fuck who drinks that

it’s such a perfectly bonkers order because like, most unusual orders are maximalist and sugary but this one just combines the most basic drink with the most incongruous little add-on. it’s the order of a simple, regular man who has something wrong with him

this post always makes me laugh. this guy has the weirdest drink order and he probably never goes to this dunkin’ if it took seven months for the barista to see him again. so think about a coffee shop you go to so little you’re not even sure if you’ve gone there before and you walk in and the barista hands you the drink you were about to order before you even ordered it. he will remember that for the rest of his life

“it’s the order of a simple, regular man who has something wrong with him” gets me every time.

World Heritage Post

call my bed an ashtray the way there's fags in there

i will love one direction even up to the day i die, and if there is an afterlife, i will love one direction then too