Lemon Lime Spine

love the genre of discourse that’s like “the world used to be [thing it never was] but now society is [I’m over thirty]”

"how can m/f ships be good-" first of all through the power of bisexuality anything is possible so write that down. second of all if we start othering ships based on gender and nothing else we're no better than the opposition. third of all you need to watch more addams family

its important to have a game on your wishlist that keeps going on sale every couple of months and you still never buy it

i am banned from eating my herring inside. they make me eat it on the smoking area by the loading dock, under the theory that it already smells bad there. but it was raining today which was preventing my breakfast, so i was feeling sad and hungry and then i realized that there was a large cardboard box in the dumpster from a previous delivery. like a fridge sized box. so i fished it out of the dumpster, then tipped it on its side and had a nice little cardboard cave to watch the rain and eat my fish in. which was a great experience. very soothing. very zen. at least until the security guard from the day before stepped outside to smoke. then i tried hiding from him by crawling deeper in the box, which unfortunately did not work. instead he saw a sort of damp sniveling pale hairless creature eating fish in a box, and delivered the verbal killshot of "good morning, mr. smeagol." which is how my day was ruined before 8 am.

The existence of a safeword also implies the existence of a dangerword that you can use to instantly turn any sexual event into a combat encounter

#it exists and it's 'feel how cold my hands are'

relentlessly funny to me when people treat a relationship between someone in their 30s and someone in their 40s as "age difference". bro i cannot tell you which of my friends are 34 and which are 44. i can probably tell you which ones aren't 30 yet, but it's probable some of them are 50 now and i didn't notice. if you're over 30 and don't have kids, it's kinda all one age until you can collect social security.

can you put that thing on a fucking leash *pointing angrily at a butterfly with beautiful iridescent wings thats not flying anywhere near you*

you ever crave something you can't have? ssssshut up about your ex i mean i want grilled cheese but im scared of the stove

I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna do the dishes!

I did it! It sucked but I did it!

my favourite thing about the Witcher series (books) is that Geralt tries to be so stoic but the minute someone gets monster info wrong he pops up like an encyclopedia to “um….actually” them.