It has been three years since the last time I wrote; I was in a hotel room quarantining for a week before I could return to my dormitory, the pandemic was still quite bad back then, and people were still testing positive with COVID. For three years, I wrote nothing. I never tried to push or force myself to type any words. What has gotten into me? It is December 2025 as I am writing this, and I could finally have the time to pour out everything inside my mind.

In September 2022, I started my second year of PhD. The fall semester was indeed busy, as I took three courses, Mandarin class, and had TA duty. The spring semester was less busy, but the next fall semester I was taken back to the usual busy schedule I had. Right after I finished the course requirement, I could feel myself ease a bit and was able to focus on doing research. It did not, however, ease the pressure I felt. As I was closer to starting my fourth year, the pressure felt bigger and heavier. No more scholarship for tuition fees and living expenses, which means I had to pay for almost 30k every semester, and pay the rent. I took the risk of moving out of the dormitory for my sanity, although it comes with a high price, literally. I had to spend almost 100k for annual rent, and it cost a lot of my savings. It was worth the money, though, I must say. Things were a bit rougher during my fourth year – I was underpaid, had to cut expenses, took my savings, and even borrowed money from my family, all in order to survive. Fortunately, I survived. If someone asks me how I did that, I do not know the answer to that question either. I only remembered that I tried to live my life diligently and keep working hard, that is all.

I figured out I like reading when I was 8. My first book was given by mom, which at that time, still belonged to her colleague (now it belongs to me 😉). The book was Totto-Chan: The Little Girl at the Window. That colleague kindly let my mom borrow her book for me to read. Honestly, I did not expect my mom to bring something except food home. It was kind of surprising to me. That night my mom came home, handed me the book, and said “here, a book for you to read, it belongs to Aunt Nani, though.”

I enjoyed reading Totto-Chan and finished the book in less than 1 week. Quite a reader, aren’t I? Hahaha. After Totto-Chan, I tried to explore what I would love to read next, and did not take that long until I found my new favorite: comic books. From then until the age of 12, I collected a few comic books, which I earned by asking my mom to buy them for me. Well, if you are thinking that I got those comic books easily, I can assure you it was not. I had to either (1) get a perfect score on math or English tests or (2) rank first in the class.

My reading hobby sadly had to stop for... quite a few years. I was too occupied with studying. I was studying like… crazy. From Monday to Saturday, I had to attend school and courses (English, Math, and Mandarin, two times a week), then took a rest on Sunday. This was during my secondary years. It just got worse in high school. I had to go to school before 6 am (because my school was a 20-minute drive from home and class started as early as 6.30 am) and went home at 6 pm (yes, I spent 12 hours at school). It was not over yet. As soon as I arrived home, I had to quickly shower and have my dinner, then off to take courses: English – two times a week, Math – three times a week. I was a zombie.

I could finally return to reading when I started going to college. But… I guess my taste had already changed, a bit. I started to have an interest in reading novels. I looked it up on the internet for fiction recommendations and chose To Kill a Mockingbird as my first English-language novel. It was worth buying and makes me love reading even more (I made the right decision to purchase that novel 😊). As I am writing this, I am re-reading To Kill a Mockingbird for the second time and am currently on chapter 23, going to finish it soon.

So why do I write this not-so-important story of my life? Well… first, I just had the mood to write. Two, I would like to share how reading slowly changes me into a better person (from my point of view). To begin with, I used to be a person who questioned someone’s behavior or action without considering what happened or is happening in their lives. While in real life, there are just too many reasons for someone’s action. I do not need to understand all of them. I just need to be understanding. Moreover, I used to think that if I focused on my studies, which included sacrificing my playing time, I could successfully achieve what have been my goals in life. Well, although it’s true, it’s just partially true. I do not need to sacrifice my playing time because it is my right. I deserve to hang out sometimes, and I should not be too hard on myself. Lastly, I used to believe in the “do good to others and good will come back to you” saying. Well, again, although it’s true, it’s just partially true. In real life, we cannot expect someone who we treat well, to treat us well. They might, they may, or they will treat us badly. I can’t control how people treat me, but I can control how I react.

So yeah… so far that’s what I got to learn from reading novels (and real-life experiences). I hope I can encourage whoever reads this not-so-important story of my life to read more books, or whatever you are interested in. Happy reading ^___^

Bonus: a photo I took today while re-reading To Kill a Mockingbird. Are men created equal? Find the answer on the second paragraph. :-)

First of all, I would like to say thank you to 2021 for giving me so many life lessons that I, myself, did not expect that those things could happen in my life. Second, I would like to say thank you to my family and close friends for being next to me every time I faced a problem. That endless advice, encouraging messages, support, daily questions such as “do you have your lunch yet?”, “want to go to Family Mart to buy some snacks?”, or “what should we order for today’s lunch?” are the things that help me stay alive (and sane) until now. Lastly, I would like to thank myself for not giving up, keeping the flame within this body to keep burning, so that I would not stop running towards my dream although sometimes I need to slow my pace down a little bit.

There are so many things that I did not realize to be such blessings. Since it is the new year, let’s just write down all the good things which happened. Invest in good things only!

Here is a recap of how my 2021 went.

In January, I received an award from my previous university acknowledging my excellent performance in academics. *shy cough*

In February, I went to Chiayi (嘉義) with my close friends and had the best fish head soup ever in my life.

In March, my advisor gave me a little surprise which brings me to where I am now.

In April, I had my master thesis proposal defense.

In May, I received an acceptance email for a Ph.D. program.

In June, I received an acceptance email for a Ph.D. program (again) at another university, received a certificate (which I believe is from a scholar society), received an award from my previous university (again), and had my online graduation.

In July, both of my parents got vaccinated (dad had completed two doses of vaccine, and mom was getting her first vaccine shot), and… *insert drum rolls* I had my final defense! Now I felt like graduating.

In August, I had my birthday (welcome 23!), cut my hair (it was the shortest hair I ever had in my life), prepared to move to another city, ate a lot of good food, and received my diploma.

In September, I moved to another city, bought myself some books, and got injured for the first time since I came to Taiwan (I fell while was walking because the road was too slippery).

In October, I got vaccinated.

In November, we celebrated our parents 25th wedding anniversary, witnessed for the first time how the monkeys at my school casually ran inside Family Mart and stole bread, helped my advisor present her paper at a conference (all eyes were on me since I spoke the first word, guess I caught their attention?), and had dinner with my current lab members.

In December, I won a lottery (though it was not big), braved myself to go out and eat at a restaurant by myself, had a decent Korean dinner with my seniors, and discovered a hiking trail that is just right behind my dormitory.

Wow. That’s a long one.

They are all simple, small things that I used to see as something normal, —other people can also achieve or have these—. But as I grow older, I appreciate all these “normal” things better. Guess I am more mature now 😊

Yesterday (or two days ago? I could not recall) I saw one of my IG friends posted a story in which she said that she would only say good things in 2022. Because now she has realized how strong the power of what she says or wishes.

I could not agree more.

When I started my first semester of my Ph.D., I wrote down all the things I want to achieve for this semester. I made sure they were all reachable and measurable. And what more important is, I wrote down all the details of how I could achieve them. I was confident. I kept saying to myself throughout this semester that “You can pass through this”. And it works. It works to the extent that sometimes the help I am receiving comes from the people that I least/never expect.

Learning from this experience, I (again) wrote down all the things I want to achieve in 2022, with details on how I can achieve them. They are not many (but this is not important). What matters is these goals will help me to keep myself sane and be a reminder that my life has always been blessed.

One day in 2008, I visited my oldest aunt’s home. There were other uncles, aunts, and cousins too. My oldest cousin was lying on her chest on the bed, scrolling down through her phone, when one of my uncles told me out of the blue, "She finished her high school in only two years," while pointing to my oldest cousin. I remembered I was very excited when I heard that. Someone in my family finished school younger than she should have been. She must have been very smart; don’t you agree? So I asked how it was possible. My oldest cousin was just being her, laughing, and left my question hanging unanswered. Years later, in 2013 to be exact, I found out the truth. She was accepted to this acceleration program her school offered. FYI, it was not easy. You must be in the top 3 of your class and had to go through several tests before the school decided you can be in that program. I made it to that program as well, though at another school.

One day in 2018, I wrote down that I wanted to study abroad to pursue my master's degree when I was doing my annual ritual, writing a new year resolution. Although I never really stated when it would be, I know it would be South Korea; I had been studying Korean since 2016, took the Korean language proficiency test (I scored very well btw, 183/200), and did some research on universities in South Korea that I wanted to apply to. However, thanks to one of my undergrad lecturers who announced “a scholarship info” at the last meeting of her class while I was in the toilet, I then decided to apply to a university in Taiwan. Yup, you are reading it right. A. Private. University. One and single. Hoping that if I was not accepted, then I was meant to go to South Korea, my dream country. But I was accepted. With a full-ride scholarship and living allowance every month for two years, as long as I perform well. I flew to Taiwan in 2019 to pursue my master's degree. And on July 23rd, 2021, I had my oral defense. I was announced to graduate with a couple of things that I need to revise. Overall, my research was very good. My thesis was also said to be well written.

Reflecting on events that have been happening in my life, I would say they are beyond blessings. FYI, I do not come from a silver spoon family. My parents work their asses off hard just to afford their children's tuition fees. (Thank God my sister and I went to a state high school, the expenses were not that high compared to private ones). But looking back at what I have achieved now is just beyond my parents' expectations, and maybe mine too. All the things that I used to think impossible were now coming true. Slowly but sure, I am doing better, my family is doing better. Who would have expected? I, a daughter whose parents were living paycheck to paycheck, will start her Ph.D. program next September.

I guess when someone said that everything starts with a dream and a willingness, it is true. And as my favorite book says, “And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

大家新年快樂

祝大家在新的一年里萬事如意，財源廣進。

祝大家工作順利，前程似錦。

牛年大吉。

This is my first time spending Chinese New Year away from home. Due to COVID-19, I could not fly back to Indonesia. Well, I could. But being in quarantine for two weeks once I am back in Taiwan does not sound wise considering this is my last semester and I must focus on my thesis :-(

So, to fill the emptiness in our hearts for not being able to gather with our beloved families, from February 14 to February 15, my friends and I decided to visit Chiayi (嘉義). We took the High-Speed Rail (HSR) Train from Taoyuan (桃園) to Chiayi (嘉義). We were lucky to get the ticket! It was an hour train journey and it cost us $930/person. You can order the ticket on the HSR ticket booking application. However, if you do not have one yet, you can download the application on PlayStore or AppStore, it is called “T-EX行動購票”

We intended to visit Ali Shan (阿里山) on our first day in Chiayi (嘉義). But things happened… Once we arrived at Chiayi Station (嘉義車站) we found out that there is no direct train from Chiayi Station (嘉義車站) to Ali Shan (阿里山)! We can take bus #7322 and it will be a 2-hour drive. However, we decided not to go that day considering it was already 10.30. So what did we do next? Yup! We went to look for our lunch. We had the famous Grace Lin’s fish head soup (林聰明沙鍋魚頭) :-) could not be any happier!

Then we headed back to our hostel to check-in. We stayed at the KM hostel, booked it through booking.com. It was such a nice place to stay with a reasonable price! It is clean, comfortable, neat, and close to Wenhua Night Market (文化夜市)!

As for dinner, we had turkey rice. We originally wanted to go to Magistrate Liu’s Turkey Rice (劉里長火雞肉飯) but the store was closed. So we had 噴水雞肉飯 (read: pen shui ji rou fan) instead. One portion of turkey rice (雞肉飯) costs $50. You can order more dishes such as vegetables or pork.

Lastly, we had another Chiayi famous food which is A-Er soft bean curd (阿娥豆漿豆花). Sorry! I forgot to take the picture of the food but I took the picture of the people queuing. The queue was incredibly long and the long queue tells you how famous the food is :-) I like the soft bean curd. It is not sweet but it is a great combination when we eat it with soybean milk (豆漿). The soybean milk is fresh too. Tips: ask for an additional topping like red bean (紅豆, read: hongdou) or sweet potato (芋頭, read: yutou) to make it sweeter!

過年過了~

This week, starting from Sept 8 to Sept 11 I started my first English Summer Camp. Not as a participant, but as a teaching assistant :]

Honestly, at first, I did not have any idea how this English Summer Camp would be. I thought I was going to help the teachers in the class during lectures. Turns out, my job was beyond that. LOL. So before the Summer Camp was held, there was a training for teaching assistant candidates. It was a 3-day training program. The selected teaching assistants would be announced on the last day of training.

On the last day of training, the selected teaching assistants had to prepare everything that the Freshmen would need. Their guideline books, blank A4 papers (to write their diary for 3 days), and earphones (for TOEIC pretest).

There were 26 teaching assistants with 26 assigned classes. Mine was named Z4. Z4 class consisted of 38 students but 1 student did not show up for the whole 4 days. What a waste of money!

There are 2 things which I consider the most important during this 4-day English Summer Camp for Freshmen students, they are the TOEIC pretest and presentation (which is scheduled on the last day of English Summer Camp). To know students’ English proficiency better, YZU holds a TOEIC pretest before the students start their school. Also, before they graduate, undergraduate students are required to pass a minimum of 550 scores for TOEIC. For the presentation, Freshmen students would be introduced to several topics which they can choose according to what they like on the first day of the camp. They will be separated into a group of 3 to 4 people. The presentation would be a 5 to 6-minute presentation and in English.

This English Summer Camp taught me a lot of things. How to manage my time efficiently, how to be brave to speak in front of new people, how to express what I am going to say clearer, how to understand people better through their writing, and how to work better as a team.

Thank you, Z4 class students! You guys had worked hard during this English Summer Camp.

Summer vacation is here! Who is excited for summer vacation?! I bet everyone is!

This semester had been tough. I took 4 classes (3 main courses from the department and 1 Chinese class) and had a new experience as a teaching assistant. It really was draining my energy. LOL. However, the result was not bad and I successfully managed to *cough* have good grades. 葉婷婷你幸苦了!

Since we all had worked hard this semester, we should give ourselves a little reward! So.. my friends and I went to Shifen Waterfall (十分大瀑布) and Jiufen Old Street (九份老街) last month as our *little reward*.

To get to Shifen Waterfall (十分大瀑布) we had to go to Ruifang Station (瑞芳站). It was a 2-hour train ride from Neili Station (內壢站). Once we arrived at Ruifang Station (瑞芳站), we had to transfer to Pingxi Line (平溪支線). Took that small train and stopped at Shifen Station (十分站).

We arrived at Shifen Station (十分站) at around 11.30 a.m. and since a walk from Shifen Station (十分站) to Shifen Waterfall (十分大瀑布) is a long walk we decided to have our lunch first. We ate 滷肉麵 (read: lu-rou-mian) at one of the store in 十分老街 (read: shi-fen-lao-jie) which costs NT$ 55. It was okay considering that we had no much choice at that moment. Here is the picture of the noodle.

To get to Shifen Waterfall (十分大瀑布) we needed to cross 2 different bridges. While crossing the bridge, we also took some pictures just because the bridge is too nice to be missed🥺

Once we crossed them, we got into an area with few food stalls and places to sit. Next to the food stall there is a small trail to the observation area. We walked along the trail and voila! We got the beautiful view of the Shifen Waterfall (十分大瀑布)🥺 here is the picture of it!

We then moved to our next location which was Jiufen Old Street (九份老街). We had to go back to Ruifang Station (瑞芳站) and took bus #788 or #965 to Jiufen Street (九份街). Jiufen Old Street (九份老街) has a lot of souvenir shops and you can find a lot of Kaonashi (one of the Spirited Away animation characters) there! For you guys Ghibli fans, you may want to visit A-Mei Tea House (阿妹茶樓). From what I know, the Spirited Away movie got its inspiration from this place (please correct me if I am wrong). Anyway, though I did not enter A-Mei Tea House, I managed to take a side picture of it. LOL.

We tried two kinds of food in Jiufen Old Street (九份老街) which are (taro balls) and 乾冬粉 (read: gan-dong-fen; mung bean vermicelli). The taro balls come with other kinds of balls, such as red bean and green bean. There are two types of soup you can order, 熱 (read: re means hot) and 冰 (read: bing means cold). The store we visited was 赖阿婆芋圆 (read: lai-ah-po-yu-yuan). The store was quite big because it occupies three stores, one for making and two for diners to eat. One bowl of Taro balls costs NT$ 50.

We then tried 乾冬粉 (read: gan-dong-fen) with fish balls at 魚丸伯仔. Here is the picture of the front side of the shop:

When we first arrived at the shop we were confused because we thought there was no menu or picture of the food! [I mean the paper menu. Because most restaurants in Taiwan use paper menus to have their customers order]. But to my surprise, they have it! It is hanging on the wall. LOL. The menu looks like this:

So basically the restaurant only have 3 menus, which are: 乾冬粉 (read: gan-dong-fen), 魚丸湯 (read: yu-wan-tang), and 豆乾包 (read: dou-gan-bao). But you can order them in package NT$60 (乾冬粉 and 魚丸湯)  or NT$90 (all the three menus combined). In my opinion, the food was good! Though they may want to add a little more salt to the fish ball soup..

Last weekend was a long weekend holiday! Also known as 10.10 holiday in Taiwan. My friends and I decided to go to Taipei. We visited Taipei 101 and Ximenting Night Market.

We took the train from Neili Station to Taipei Main Station then we moved line to take MRT (Mass Rapid Transit). I did not remember which line that we took, but if you are interested in visiting Taipei, you will get all the information you needed easily. There are information boards in some points, so I guess it would not be hard to find which line of MRT that you have to take.

Taipei 101 is really tall! I was mesmerized by the height. LOL. Anyway, Taipei 101 was full of people. It was pretty nice inside, a lot of shops but unfortunately no shop that we can afford! :-( hahaha. Here is a picture of Taipei 101. I took it right after I went out.

For your information, there would be some people doing performances outside. The ones I saw were a guy singing, an old guy (or could I say Akong? hahaha) playing drums and a guy doing some magic tricks.

After walking around Taipei 101 surroundings we continued our journey to Ximenting Night Market. (Am I being too much by calling a one day trip a journey? LOL XD). A lot of nice food there! I tried Ay-Chung Misua. The queue was really really long! But it was worth the taste :P they serve in a small and large bowl. A small serving costs you NTD 55 and a large serving costs you NTD 70. I bought the small one and here is the picture :-)

On the left side of the shop you can find a not-so-tall shelf that they use to put spices, such as garlic sauce, chili sauce, pepper, etc. You could add them to your Misua according to your preference.

Then we moved to another restaurant which sells an omelette scallop (WAIT. was it omelette scallop or scallop omelette?). Anyway, it was delicious. Though the size was not that big to be divided for 6 people 😂

We also tried Xin Fu Tang 幸福堂. Different from my home country where people need to queue for 1-2 or sometimes could be 3 hours to get this bubble tea, it only took me less than 3 minutes to have it ;-) sorry guys, I did not to take the picture of the bubble milk that I bought :-( (me was being me).

Okay guys, that’s all! After Xin Fu Tang, no more food :-( we headed back home. Taipei is a beautiful city with its tall buildings. If you want to travel but can not decide which country or city you would love to visit, I recommend you to visit Taiwan or Taipei.

The sky is beautiful. And so are you.

Tonight I am happy. All of a sudden the picture of you smiling came to my mind. And I just could not stop smiling. It is more than enough to make me sleep tight. I hope you have a good sleep too tonight.

저는 2019년9월3일에 대만에 도착했습다, 대학원에 공부하러 가기로 했습니다. 새로운 시작이지만 사실은 저는 걱정을 했습니다. 저는 중국어를 할 수 없고 돈도 많지 않았습니다. 음식을 시킬 때 어떻게 말하는지 모릅니다. 그리고 처음에는 버스를 어떻게 어디에 타는지 모릅니다. 아주 슬펐습니다. ㅠㅠ

힘든 일이 많지만 저는 지금 정말 행복합니다. 제 꿈은 유학입니다. 그 꿈을 지금 이루어졌습니다. 앞으로 저는 더 열심히 공부하고 포기하지 않겠습니다. 2년 후에 저는 대학원에 줄업할겁니다. 저는 성공한 사람이 될겁니다.

그리고 저는 여기에 한국어를 공부할 수 있으면 좋겠습니다.

-Shania Yap

2019年09月22日

2 days ago I went to Sing Ren Garden Night Market (located in Taoyuan County, Neili District). It was my first time going to a night market in Taiwan! It was fun, a lot of snacks & bubble teas❤ though I could not try the bubble tea there😥 I want to thank koko(s) & cici(s) (older brother & sister) who took us there & helped us in ordering food🥰 (hahaha yup my friends & I can not speak Chinese😐). I do not regret my decision coming here. Can not wait for more exciting journeys ahead🤗

Have you ever felt that you are very confused on what to do next? That you have no idea how life is going to bring you. Like you are not sure if your decision is right or not. You are scared of what you are going to face in the future.

I am aware that life is full of uncertainty. That something may happen with no reason. That something you least expect will be happening to you. And life is full of surprises.

But the process is just too stressful to handle. This feeling is creeping in my mind every single day. I am worried I am not gonna be who I want to be. I am afraid of disappointing my parents.

Will I be able to go through these phases? Can I forgive myself if I make mistakes? How will people around me treat myself?

I do have dreams. I do fight for them. I do cry if I fail. But am I strong enough?

I do have choices. A lot of choices.

I can choose to live comfortably, stay close to my parents with stable income.

Or I can choose to go to live very far away from my parents with no stable income and more responsibilty.

Life indeed is about choosing. But which one should I choose?

-Shania Yap (샤니아)

June 22, 2019

Aku pernah bahagia,

Tak terbendung hingga ingin aku teriakan

Sehingga dunia membalikkan badan

Dan bertanya

"Kenapa mereka?"

Aku pun pernah bahagia,

Bahkan saat kamu membuatku menangis,

Hingga ingin bicara pun sulit

Karena aku sadar, kamu masih peduli

Namun apa yang tersisa sekarang

Sudah kuterima,

Mungkin memang bukan jalan kita

Untuk tetap bersama

Kuharap yang terbaik untukmu,

Untukku,

Untuk kita

-y.s