LANCE A LOT

but for so many transmascs who started questioning while in a relationship with a cis man the more you express your transmasculinity the more misogynistic pressure you are faced with. and also, it's hard to meaningfully explore and develop your understanding of yourself when you are taught from childhood to decenter your desires and feelings for the sake of your cis husband. Lou expresses in his diaries at one point feeling scared by an argument with his boyfriend J on machismo– Lou desires the aesthetics of it but not the chauvinistic reality, while J seems to genuinely believe in it. It takes Lou a long time to separate himself from his cis boyfriend's perspective of him, as a gender-fucky girl but always a girl. and other partners express similar ideas, that it's okay for Lou to be kinda queer but as long as his still remains, on some level, a girl they can fuck and enjoy. His own desires, to be a gay man and be truly accepted, to transform his body into what he's always longer for, are irrelevant past the point where they made him sexy to them. Lou also talks about how he felt more comfortable internally while crossdressing as a man, but felt more comfortable externally while dressing as a woman, because while it's more painful on an emotional level to live as a cis woman, it's harder to belong in society as a trans person. Or as he says: "I continue to feel more like a part of the human race, yet less like a person."

& there's this heartbreaking passage after he has been convinced by J to not pursue medical transition and to "accept" his female identity:

Ridiculous when my whole crusade was to be a feminine gay male. And also my inability to merge into a male-male relationship with J, even tho I know now it would have been impossible. I knew I was acting strangely toward him, that I wasn’t relaxed or really me…that with the only person I’ve really felt at ease around. Maybe I would have fallen into the Miss Plastic Surgery syndrome—always blaming one thing or another for the fact that I’m not a “real man.” I hate to face it, but it’s true: I would never be entirely comfortable as a male. Because in my heart I know I am nothing.

and like. how many of us have experienced that? being unable to even conceptualize yourself as a man because you are so caught up in being a cis guy's girlfriend? convincing yourself that transition would only make things worse, because you can't imagine it as a real possibility and that's more painful than the everyday dysphoria? how many of us minimize our transness for the sake of lovers who think of it as a sexy party trick, but get grossed out and angry when we talk about wanting testosterone, top surgery, god forbid bottom surgery? a LOT of transmascs face a rise in misogyny as they assert their manhood, not a fall. people are sent to conversion therapy or forced into heterosexual marriages after asserting their manhood. our transmasculine identity is not conformity, it is not a symptom of a lack of feminist resistance. being transmasculine IS resistance. it is the RESULT of freeing ourselves from patriarchal roles of daughter-wife-mother. transmasculinity flourishes under feminist liberation, not patriarchal suppression.

This post talks about a new DM feature in youtube. What it fails to mention is that as part of this new feature is that when you send someone a link to a video, and they open it in the youtube app, they will see who sent them the link. Specifically, your channel name.

If your google account name is your real name, so is your channel name by default.

This means the new default behavior is that everyone you send a youtube link to will see your full name if they open it in the mobile app.

To turn this off:

Go to your youtube app settings

Go to Privacy

Turn off "Channel visibility for shared links"

Do not use Discord to host your files. Do not rely on Discord to preserve your text. DO NOT RELY ON DISCORD FOR ANY KIND OF PRESERVATION OR HOSTING!!

It CAN be lost, it WILL be lost! You must consider Discord as a part of the Core Internet, controlled by one company that hosts the servers.

I thought it was impressive at first that it replaced IRC, but now I am horrified. If the company behind Discord went under today, how many friends would you lose?

How many relationships? How much writing?

You may think this won't happen, but I remember when AIM went down and along with it, entire novels worth of interaction with my oldest friend.

IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU. IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. NO COMPANY IS INFALLIBLE.