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So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

We yelled at him and told him to at least turn off his brights and he told us to go fuck ourselves. So one night after he came rolling back in at 2 or 3 in the morning someone smashed his headlights in with a hammer and sprayed black spray paint inside the holes. The reverse lights too as they were also obnoxiously bright.

Police came by the next day after he woke up and screamed blood and vengeance for an hour. I think we were all questioned and not 1 person knew anything.

Property management had to admit that the fake security cameras were actually fake.

Guy got his system fixed exactly the same and went around loudly bragging about it. Guy went back out to set up his camera to watch the car and went to bed. The camera was smashed from behind spray painted and again the headlights and reverse lights, with the added bonus of a side view mirror smashed and spray painted.

This time the only person who said anything to the cops was a guy who could confirm it wasn't at 5 am because he went out with a gas can and a box of matches but the job had already been done. And funnily enough saying "well I was going to do it but someone beat me to it" isn't actually illegal.