IDK I just live here

Poseidon art is by @neal-illustrator

This is stb a fan-art but the scene actually happened in the novel (credits to @randomositycat for the info). I just love everything about this panel 🙈

I do like that this early on in the series, Jinshi's reaction seems pretty understandable on its own, but we already know he's also trying to escape being assaulted left and right; this isn't something we learn after this scene

Like the propositions by the consorts might not seem all that bad, but the part where he barricades his door at the potential visit from the aphrodisiac giver, should tell you this is genuine concern of his, even with his implied high position

Another interesting thing, is that they don't share the trauma of sexual assault, but attempted sexual assault, which would come with much less sympathy from people because oh, well nothing happened! (no penetration) You're ok! (get over it) (which we see this sentiment in LN 7 with Jinshi)

And it is still a relief that "nothing happened" but also still greatly upsetting and no one should go through it. Another thing is that Maomao expresses living with the constant threat of sexual assault just like himself (not a constant concern for high-class women who have protection all around them)

"Does it not make you angry, though?"

Because Jinshi is angry, but doesn't know what to do with it, how to remedy the situation when he's already the second-most guarded individual in the Empire.

And in her case, Jinshi blames himself for contributing to her suffering when she got bought from flesh merchants instead of her family.

"Who knew he could be so genuine?"

Funny how just the other day we were talking in the tags and replies here that Jinshi needs to grow out of the learned helplessness he'd been conditioned into all his life. The rule was always: you'll want what we tell you to want and forget what we tell you to forsake

The fact that Suiren's preparation (which she kept lying to him about) reminded him of the very unpleasant time Maomao tried to get him to take a courtesan to bed at the Verdigris speaks volumes. In both instances, both Maomao and Suiren disregarded what he wanted (spend some time with Maomao) for the sake of what they want for him, and Jinshi is left fending for himself

Same with the "strange medicaments" in the water. Maomao had given him something similar back at the Verdigris also without telling him. And what other unpleasant memory does Jinshi also recall?

Instances of literal of sexual assault. The current situation might not be even remotely as bad, but it's still making him uncomfortable. However, he starts pushing past his own trepidation when Suiren insinuates that Maomao has already agreed to this

Well, now it's two against one. Two of the most important women in his life want him to do this thing, which he isn't too opposed to, how could he refuse them?

I'd say it's when he starts seeing Maomao is more than just "nervous", one hint after the other, and then her "preparations"

"No matter the context, he didn't want Maomao to torment herself that way." He wasn't concerned about her taking on "personal clients" as a courtesan only for him to become one of her clients himself

On his end, Jinshi was more than willing to make himself do something he wasn't fully ready for/comfortable doing, it's only when he started realizing that Maomao is also being directly or indirectly pressured into this that he puts an end to it

The nail in the coffin was what would might happen to Maomao trying to prevent a pregnancy. There's the political risk of a child, absolutely, but more importantly, this line from LN 2:

(Granted it's not Jinshi's POV, but I'm pretty sure this is common knowledge in the TAD universe)

Meaning even if everything goes according to plan and Maomao's contraceptives never fail, she's still ruining her body because she'll be ingesting poisons for prolonged periods of time

I'm really upset with Suiren for this instance in particular because it's more and more starting to feel even the people who are supposed to be looking out for his happiness and well-being are prioritizing their own vision of him, as well as his supposed "duties" and the fact that Jinshi is so easily manipulated into such instances by the people he trusts, when he's normally so clever and careful, is just....

from the get-go, Jinshi wasn't a kid who wanted lots of variety or was greedy for a shitton of toys, but was content with only playing with the ones he liked best. And then those were the ones targeted by Suiren and Gaoshun for removal

And the thing that bothers me the most is the "secretly hide them" part. It's one thing to try to tell him that some toys are being taken away for his own good, even if it's still cruel and doesn't convince him, but to just take them away from him is... he'd never even get the chance to object or voice his feelings. and he could never anticipate the moment a beloved toy would be taken, only the growing feeling of dread that it would be taken from him, out of nowhere, now that he likes it

Like i honestly do understand their reasoning (to some extent) but this is expecting him to learn the lesson on his own with brute force, rather than gently guiding him towards why he shouldn't cling too much to things

Also, noting that Jinshi had no friends at that age (until Basen joined him a bit later) makes this even more isolating and devastating. He was incredibly lonely and couldn't even get attached to stuff, no pets either!

I'm speculating here, but I think this toy is when he began to "hide his favorites" because there's no way Suiren or Gaoshun would've let him keep it for long enough to become this dark if they knew about it

Instead of learning not to get attached, like they wanted for him, he learned to hide and keep his feelings all to himself

Maomao's no-speculation rule probably also extends to judging charcater (since she's particularly bad at it, she needs to be extra careful) but she finally had evidence for her suspicions that Jinshi's childish behavior is more his true self

aaaaannd then she pulls back from it:

No, no Master Jinshi isn't a sweet person who was greatly mistreated (and emotionally abused) during his childhood! That's absurd to consider!

He's just the beautiful sleazy Eunuch, of course of course

but then

"You're Better Than Waffles"

Living vicariously through Wylan, who I imagined cuts up his waffles into individual squares like I used to do as a child.