Bad Glue On A Get-well Card

Your abuse was valid. Your ableism is not.

Narcissistic people don’t have some special secret way of abusing people that no one else is capable of doing.

If a NPD haver happened to be abusive, they’d use the regular abuse tactics every other shitty person uses.

Autistic people can be abusive, but we don’t call it autistic abuse. People with cerebral palsy can be abusive, but we don’t call it cerebral palsy abuse.

Being abusive is a choice, having a personality disorder is not.

It’s not some “super special secret that only people with NPD can do.” It’s actually the same deliberate choice, and anyone can in fact make it. You don’t see “autistic abuse,” because autism is not a personality trait that anyone can deliberately choose to use as part of the “abuse strategy,” as clinicians put it. A better comparison would be something more like “anxious abuse.” People can have a personality trait of being anxious and use that deliberately against others without having anxiety disorder.

Please do! If you've experienced something you think was more transandrophobic than transmisogynistic or was both and you're a trans woman/femme I'd actually love to hear it from your perspective too! These are just words to describe experiences, if you think you're having it please share!

Queer history includes sex.

Queer history includes in-fighting.

Queer history includes discrimination against other marginalized groups.

Queer history includes lateral violence.

Queer history includes cheating.

Queer history includes discomfort.

Queer history includes confusion.

Hey. Hey. Listen. Come close. Closer. Yeah. Listen.

“You could just not transition” or “You could just stay stealth”

Like thank you for letting me know that I can only exist around you if you don't know what I am in the core of my being.

I already know I can't exist around people cishet *or* queer with a pronoun necklace because refusing to transition and being inconsistent in my identity means I'm not a man on days when I can damn near feel testosterone filling my lungs. I shouldnt want to change anything about my soft jawline, sloping shoulders, or perfect hourglass figure from cishet folks, and if I'm not actively working to change all of that, I'm a fraud and a hindrence to the cause from within my own community.

Now on top of that I can't even wear a necklace that my aunt gave me at 13 years of age because it might get my car windows smashed or me bludgeoned in the street.

But, you know, it'd all be okay if I just walk around and acted exactly as everyone perceived me to act at first glance all the time.

If you go through the DSM-5 and the ICD-11, you'll discover that "Narccistic Abuse" doesn't exist.

Did you know that although no real cause is known like many disorders, it is suspected, and off our our own study likely to be highly in relation to childhood abuse. Just like PTSD. Just like DID.

You want to do something for people with NPD? Hi! We're one of those people.

Did you know that paitents with NPD are more likely to develop depressive disorders, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and anorexia nervosa? Now to us, that sounds oddly like disorders that go alongside PTSD, because they are.

Our mother fits the description of what might be called "narcissistic abuse" or a "narcissist." Is she? No. What does it do? Harm us, the one she traumatized and abused until we were old enough to get away from her. Honestly all it would do is give her an excuse to continue being abusive, just like how her anxiety was an excuse.

We have NPD, we have friends, a partner, a life. Do we seem like some evil abuser? Because most people with NPD are not.

Would you like to know what else we have? Probably not. You've listened to no one so far. But we also have PTSD and c-PTSD that did form from our mothers' consistent emotionally manipulative abuse. It's still not narccistic abuse.

There is no doubting you went through severe, horrible abuse, probably. You are in therapy for it, after all. But you are actively being ablelist all the same by using the term narccistic abuse.

Would you like to know some medical professionals who would tell their paitents things? Any doctor who was a part of the false memory syndrome foundation, and they only dissolved 6 years ago. How many of those people who believe you can make up memories of abuse, abuse like you and us suffered, are still registered doctors?

Going to assume you are not a medical professional, do not have NPD, and have not had any meaningful interactions with someone actually diagnosed with NPD.

Basically, you are too ignorant to be discussing this topic. You are wrong, and you are being harmful. That doesn't mean you are a bad person. That doesn't mean anyone is trying to erase your abuse. It just means you need to change your harmful behavior and acknowledge that both NPD and severe manipulative abuse can exist as two, very separate things.

Does that make you an ablelist?

Yes.

Is this simpler for you? :)

-Erasmus

Oh and one further edit, to claim aspergers exists, happily use it, and further claim it's still a diagnosis reinforces the harm that aspergers does to autistic people :)

I am not actively using the term or excusing it by acknowledging that the term exists. What I AM doing, is acknowledging that myself and an entire community of fucking abused people have to read this term and see it in our resources FOR OUR TRAUMA TREATMENT because that’s what the research data and published books that help us understand how to recognize and then recover from a very specific pattern of abuse THAT DOES FUCKING EXIST already have printed. SO telling us that it doesn’t exist is not advocating for change it’s just telling fucking abuse survivors what they went through doesn’t fucking exist.

THAT IS WHAT YALL ARE DOING when y’all tell us “It’s just abuse.” Because it’s not. It’s complex abuse the very same specific pattern that you are- other than this harmful argument, letting us know we should call it instead of narcissistic abuse. It is also harmful to us to call it “Just abuse,” as it’s going to always look exactly like fucking gaslighting. And idk where the fuck this got lost to begin with, but you’re not going to change anything by triggering a bunch of abused people into flashbacks/distress.

You’re also hurting your own cause this way. Because why the entire fuck would you tell people something harms you and an entire community of people with PDs, and then turn around and say it doesn’t exist in the same breath? That’s legitimately only going to downplay the harm you have worked so hard to make people aware of.

You seem to be trying to say, this kind of abuse happened, and some people call it this. Just because a doctor writes about something doesn't make it fact, or not harmful. Again mentioned, False Memory Foundation.

As we also mentioned, we went through severe complex abuse, hence the c-PTSD. All you've done is argue with people for narccistic abuse to be an okay term to use, you are the one harming people, no one else.

Claiming we're triggering abused people into flashbacks, while we actively tell you how we have been harmed by terms like Aspergers and Narc Abuse is a insane claim to make by the way lmao.

We never claimed, complex abuse doesn't exist. Narccistic abuse, doesn't exist. The term is designed around the idea that personality disorders are evil, it's not just NPD that is affected by these things, never has been.

You quite literally claimed Aspergers was real, and is still being diagnosed. Aspergers is autism, we believe the current system is autism levels, 1-3. Aspergers may still be diagnosed, by remember also Hysteria was a diagnosis? So does diagnosis mean factual, non harmful, and accurate to you?

You seem to mean well, but you are completely wrong in how you are going about things.

Aspergers in itself was never real. It was harmful,ablelist, and autism.

Yes it is a diagnosis on many peoples papers, but that does not make it any less outdated, harmful, and yes, not real.

There is a difference between narc abuse, and aspergers not being real, and what they are describing not being real.

You want to not be attacked? Stop fighting to use the term narccistic abuse, use complex abuse, and only that. That's all you gotta do, but you keep fighting that narccistic abuse is still correct, because a doctor told you so.

Until you realize what you are trying to say and do and what you are saying are two different things, you're always going to be playing the part of an ablelist.

Make up a false equivalent even when I clearly wrote out not using the term in plain text on my post, and nowhere did I say the term was correct. All I have said is it’s real. I physically must see it and read the word in real life. That’s all I have said over and over again.

Admit to attacking, and continue to downplay and invalidate(“it’s just your therapist told you.” I’ve already clarified several times that it’s more than this. For one example.) a complex abuse survivor, and then tell that same person it’s insane to claim that you’re triggering people with your arguments even if you have CPTSD as well.

Continue to ignore what I say, despite telling me directly that you understand what I say, then also go ahead and redefine what I say as something different anyway.

Equate my insistence that doctors still use both terms in real life where people still have to read them in very real existing documents, and telling people “this doesn’t exist,” Will not line up with that reality to harmful effects, is “fighting to use” these terms, which is in outrageously bad faith.

Also just to note: I have not a damn clue where you find I think that being real, is the same thing as being right, because I don’t. These things can very easily be real and wrong at the same time.

If you go through the DSM-5 and the ICD-11, you'll discover that "Narccistic Abuse" doesn't exist.

Did you know that although no real cause is known like many disorders, it is suspected, and off our our own study likely to be highly in relation to childhood abuse. Just like PTSD. Just like DID.

You want to do something for people with NPD? Hi! We're one of those people.

Did you know that paitents with NPD are more likely to develop depressive disorders, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and anorexia nervosa? Now to us, that sounds oddly like disorders that go alongside PTSD, because they are.

Our mother fits the description of what might be called "narcissistic abuse" or a "narcissist." Is she? No. What does it do? Harm us, the one she traumatized and abused until we were old enough to get away from her. Honestly all it would do is give her an excuse to continue being abusive, just like how her anxiety was an excuse.

We have NPD, we have friends, a partner, a life. Do we seem like some evil abuser? Because most people with NPD are not.

Would you like to know what else we have? Probably not. You've listened to no one so far. But we also have PTSD and c-PTSD that did form from our mothers' consistent emotionally manipulative abuse. It's still not narccistic abuse.

There is no doubting you went through severe, horrible abuse, probably. You are in therapy for it, after all. But you are actively being ablelist all the same by using the term narccistic abuse.

Would you like to know some medical professionals who would tell their paitents things? Any doctor who was a part of the false memory syndrome foundation, and they only dissolved 6 years ago. How many of those people who believe you can make up memories of abuse, abuse like you and us suffered, are still registered doctors?

Going to assume you are not a medical professional, do not have NPD, and have not had any meaningful interactions with someone actually diagnosed with NPD.

Basically, you are too ignorant to be discussing this topic. You are wrong, and you are being harmful. That doesn't mean you are a bad person. That doesn't mean anyone is trying to erase your abuse. It just means you need to change your harmful behavior and acknowledge that both NPD and severe manipulative abuse can exist as two, very separate things.

Does that make you an ablelist?

Yes.

Is this simpler for you? :)

-Erasmus

Oh and one further edit, to claim aspergers exists, happily use it, and further claim it's still a diagnosis reinforces the harm that aspergers does to autistic people :)

I am not actively using the term or excusing it by acknowledging that the term exists. What I AM doing, is acknowledging that myself and an entire community of fucking abused people have to read this term and see it in our resources FOR OUR TRAUMA TREATMENT because that’s what the research data and published books that help us understand how to recognize and then recover from a very specific pattern of abuse THAT DOES FUCKING EXIST already have printed. SO telling us that it doesn’t exist is not advocating for change it’s just telling fucking abuse survivors what they went through doesn’t fucking exist.

THAT IS WHAT YALL ARE DOING when y’all tell us “It’s just abuse.” Because it’s not. It’s complex abuse the very same specific pattern that you are- other than this harmful argument, letting us know we should call it instead of narcissistic abuse. It is also harmful to us to call it “Just abuse,” as it’s going to always look exactly like fucking gaslighting. And idk where the fuck this got lost to begin with, but you’re not going to change anything by triggering a bunch of abused people into flashbacks/distress.

You’re also hurting your own cause this way. Because why the entire fuck would you tell people something harms you and an entire community of people with PDs, and then turn around and say it doesn’t exist in the same breath? That’s legitimately only going to downplay the harm you have worked so hard to make people aware of.