Sun, sun, sun...

*Nonbinary people do not need binary people to correct us on our own identities.*

NEW SERIES: Living junk

Pet Foolery, #93

This is not for you.

This is not to make you specifically feel a certain way.

This is for people whose pronouns (or gender) can't get deciphered from their presentation. This is for nonbinary people who look identical to you, or somehow else, but still can't nonverbally send a message about their identity, because there are no developed normative ways of presentation for types of nonbinary.

If you can put together a coherent outfit and set of mannerisms that unambiguously tells everyone familiar with norms of feminine and masculine how you want to be called, good for you, but many other people can't. It's not their fault that they can't. You didn't try better than them, you didn't suffer more than them, you didn't do anything to get validation on their expense in a place that's supposed to treat us all equally.

I get that it comes from a place of defence, of dysphoria. That you've put in so much effort to just be seen as you that being asked feels like being judged. But you should never sound near identical to cis transphobes who also scoff and go "isn't it obvious?" if ever asked their pronouns in any context.

1 - the geese in the background show that the fake coyote doesn't deter geese

Of course not every disagreement with a trans person needs to turn into public shaming and attempts to harass and isolate even if they hurt your feelings i.e. a conflict with a ex-friend

And yes, sometimes their actions can come from their own hurt and needs, which is always nice to keep in mind but you're not a bad person for cutting off a bad friend or blocking someone online.

There's also the matter as labrys-thing brought up - if a trans person is doing real actual harm either through physical action, words, ideology etc if they're hateful bigots making the community unsafe for many others then it's unreasonable to give them all the benefit of the doubt and never say anything against them in a public space (though even this should be proportionate which imo never includes calling for their death or mass harassment).

Prejudice, bigotry and harm grow when they're not openly challenged.

So yes, you should try to think harder whether someone needs a call out post just because they're not a perfect person, and people can absolutely change, and some people who seem awful just need the right guidance but we need to hold abusers and those with harmful ideas responsible instead of telling their victims that speaking out is as bad as/almost worse/worse than the actual harm caused by the other trans person.