Stay Gold

Welcome to the Sims 4 Challenge Hub—a collection of CAS, gameplay, and build challenges curated by @m0ckest.

Share your challenge by tagging @ts4challengehub. Have fun!

Annika: What I would like to talk about now is: you certainly have heard those kind of sentences pretty often, too. I know it is straining that one hears the same sentences again and again. It happens to me as well, as a lesbian. However, something I noticed is that, in the LGBTQ+ world in general, critical questions are always understood very negatively. 

Lukas: That’s right. Yes, I think so, too. It happens always pretty quickly that, just because someone asks a question and maybe doesn’t know how to phrase it - since they simply don’t know - they get cut off and called transphobic or homophobic. I think especially in the LGBTQ community it’s important to educate and if somebody asks a question and takes that step and maybe uses the wrong words, it often doesn’t have anything to do with bad intentions but with the lack of education. And that’s something you can give to them in that moment. 

Annika: You just took the words out of my mouth, great! That’s exactly what I always say. You always preach that you want to get accepted the way you are and blablabla, but if somebody is interested, or, like you said, doesn’t know much about something, then most people always directly react in a hurt way or get offended. Because they think “Woah, how can you ask something like this now? I get this question all the time, it’s super discriminating, just inform yourself.” But that’s what this person is trying. 

Lukas: Yeah, in this moment. In person, with you. 

Annika: Exactly. And if I get the chance to get to know somebody, just like that - me personally, because I must admit that in my life, I met like three transgender people… Of course one is interested and one thinks “Woah, can I ask this now or not?” But I always think “Guys, just ask.” Of course, it can happen that people react sensitively. I myself often put my foot in my mouth, it’s so bad, because I… 

Lukas: Yes, there are so many chances to. I mean that’s just the way it is. 

Annika: Yes, it’s a real minefield if you talk with LGBTQ+ people. And that’s understandable because you somehow went through a tough time to get along with yourself etc. It’s not easy. 

More TMI - I passed a MASSIVE clot after my fourth birth. At this point I already knew this could happen - it’s normal. What I DIDN’T know, was that I had caused it.

My post birth contractions were so bad after the birth that it felt like full transition labor. And they don’t give you anything for the pain. So I used a hot water bottle, without the nurses knowing, and it caused me to bleed even more. I lost so much blood that by the first time they sat me up to go to the bathroom, I fainted. It took three more tries until I could sit up.

Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is, the next morning I passed a clot the SIZE OF ANOTHER PLACENTA I KID YOU NOT, and I know what is and is not normal. So I called for the nurse and through the door told her I had passed a huge clot, and her response was - “It’s not big. I know what big is.” She hadn’t even looked. So I rolled my eyes and said, “Yeah, no. It’s big, I’m telling you.”

So, sounding extremely put upon, she asked me to open the door. I did, and after a long pause she goes, “Okay, yeah, that’s a little big.”

YOU DON’T SAY.

The point I’m trying to get across is that this shit is so common - women not knowing this stuff is so expected, and it keeps getting reinforced. People don’t expect you to know anything, don’t teach you anything, and then make you feel like you’re totally ignorant and a burden for your lack of knowledge when THEY WON’T SHARE.

Fucking learn EVERYTHING you can when it comes to childbirth, girls. It is the single most empowering thing you can do for yourself. And if you missed something, that’s okay. But the more knowledge you arm yourself with, the more in control of your situation you’ll be.

A few post partum tips:

DON’T use a hot water bottle - lol.

ONLY pads - NO tampons. Tampons can cause severe infection, not to mention, you probably don’t want to be shoving anything up there any time soon.

If you’ve had stitches, sitz baths DO help relieve the pain. Another great pain reliever? Dampen some pads and freeze them. Let one thaw slightly and use it on top of another pad. This will help with the pain as well as reduce swelling. Change the pad out as soon as it’s thawed completely. This REALLY helps on the first couple days after giving birth.

If you pass a clot, don’t sweat it. Even the one I passed, which was fucking massive, just required that we keep an eye out to make sure it didn’t happen again. If it does, talk to your doctor.

Take a pain killer half an hour before nursing. Because YES - your uterus is contracting after you give birth, to get back to its original size, and nursing causes much stronger contractions. Taking nursing-safe painkillers won’t prevent the pain, but it will reduce it. 

Buy disposable underwear for the first few days after birth. They will get VERY dirty. Or use your ratty old pairs that you’re ready to get rid of. Double up on pads - line them all the way up your ass-crack. I am so serious. And wear dark pants.

Pee in the shower. You do NOT want to wipe down there right after birth because ow. Peeing in the shower lets you just rinse afterwards. Especially if you’ve had stitches, peeing in the shower, with the shower-head rinsing AS you go, keeps stinging to a minimum. And fuck everyone else - keep on peeing in the shower until you feel ready to move back to toilet paper. Middle of the night and need to pee? Get your pants off - get in the shower and just go.

IME bags of frozen peas in your underwear with proper covering (you don’t want to get frostbite) are the best sort of cold compress.

Those contractions during nursing?  They are v v important.  They shrink your uterus, helping your body get back to normal faster (and helping you pass blood quicker).  They hurt.  Keep drinking red raspberry leaf tea (which hopefully you drank during your third trimester).  It should help not only with the contractions, but with your milk supply as well.  Take a nursing-safe NSAID if you can.

REST.  I know this is especially hard for people who are already parents, for poor folk, for people with a ton of responsibilities in general.   This is when you call in the cavalry, if you’re lucky enough to have support.  FRIENDS AND FAM of birthing persons, leave the parent alone with their baby.  Do a load of dishes.  Pick up.  Check to make sure the parent has their baby supplies handy (as in, within reach).  Bring them food.  The more they rest, the faster their body heals, and the shorter the bleeding period will be.  If it tapers off and then ramps back up, YOU’RE DOING TOO MUCH.  Slow down.  This is the perfect time to learn that, as a parent, you can’t do it all.  Always prioritise your kid.  If there’s one time you’re allowed to just let shit go, it’s during your babymoon.  (Google is telling me babymoon now means a trip you take with your partner before you have your baby.  What.  No.  “Babymoon” means the first week after your birth.  When the hell did that switch happen?)   REST.  REST.  HOLD YOUR BABY.  SLEEP.  NURSE.  EAT.  This bonding time is imperative.  You and your baby deserve this time.

I’m just gonna say it, EVERY LIFE SHOULD BE CELEBRATED, always.

Not to be rude with anyone who loved “Love, Simon” BUT I just found this amazing movie called “Freak Show” (maybe there’s something wrong in my taste) and I just… it’s such a beatiful movie about pride and acceptance! I can’t, my heart is a puddle. 

I 100% recommend this movie (I would like to point out that this is not a movie about coming out, it’s about a teen that has come out a long time ago and just wants to live, to be himself without the ugly hate)

“How about I do me and you do you?… And maybe one day we can try the other way around.” ::wink::

I could have quoted this movie a lot tbh but that would be spoilers, now to more movies that fill my heart with warmth.

At one point my dad said “You have one hour of being single left!”

And without missing a beat, I said “He’s not single, though. He has a fiancee.”

Which luckily shut them up.

When my new sister in law walked down the isle, my brother was crying with happiness, and honestly, that’s what it’s supposed to fucking be. He loves her so much and talks about her all the time and can’t stop thinking about her. And even though I’ve only talked to her a handful of times, I know she loves him just as much.

First of all, I just want to say, I am NOT an expert! I am just trying to share certain knowledge I have about anxiety and panic attacks I have learnt in therapy so far. I know therapy everywhere in the world is extremely expensive and I’m lucky enough to have the funds to pay a lot of money for it but not everyone can. Maybe this knowledge can help out someone who can’t afford it but deserves to have better mental health.

PS. this is not a comprehensive list, just a compiled one.

So your brain has two parts: the emotional one and the logical one. Many methods of changing your thinking pattern from anxious one revolve around going from the former to the latter.

List 3 things that you’re grateful for everyday. These three things need to be specific to that day and not something general like having clothes to wear or food to eat. Eg. I got to eat my favourite kind of pasta today. I am going to buy my favourite cereal! Even if it’s small, write things your grateful for every morning. It gives a sense of calm and instills daily gratitude.

Do mindful breathing. This means deep and controlled breaths in and out. Nothing fancy. Practice it 2-3 times a day. It’s important to learn how to do this especially when you’re calm so that you can use it as a calming mechanism when you are panicked.

If you’re up for it, meditation helps a lot. Regularity is key. My favorite app is ‘Breathe’. It has a bunch of simple and guided, calming bits of meditation, ranging anything from 2 minutes to 20-30. Many of the meditation parts are free but I would say paying and getting the premium version is absolutely amazing.

Schedule fun things to do every single day: it doesn’t have to be something grand. it can be something very small like watching an episode of a TV show you like. This helps in having something to look forward to every day.

Thought stopping: tie a rubber band to your wrist and every time you have a negative though, snap the rubber band on your wrist, not too hard but just enough for it to hurt. This trains your brain to stop thinking negatively. Next (and this is important), Then replace the negative thought with anything small and positive. Another thing you can replace the negative thought with is mindfulness. That is, what you are doing right now in the present moment. The way your feet feel in your shoes. The warmth you feel from your shirt. Things like that. This, again, changes your thought pattern from the emotional side to the logical side of your brain.

There are three main types of thought that give anxiety and depression. The first is negative glasses. That means that even if something is going good in a day, when you summarise a day you tend to focus on the bad only automatically. The second is all or nothing thinking. You think things are black or white. You can have it all or nothing. Everything is terrible everything is fine. You forget that things can be on a spectrum of all or nothing and not just in one of those two boxes. The third is possibility versus probability thinking. Probability is when things are more likely to happen than not. Possibility is things less likely to happen than not. When you panic you make possibilities seem like probabilities. This comes under the category of catastrophising every situation. Identifying and changing these three types of thinking is crucial.

This is one of my favourite ones. Draw a table with the following columns. Trigger Situation, negative thought, label emotion you feel and percentage you feel it, how much you believe this thought to be true percentage, evidence for that negative thought, evidence against that thought, new balanced thought, feeling now percentage. Now, every time you have a situation that leads to a barrage of bad thoughts or a panic attack, use the table you made. In the end, repeat the new balanced thought you’ve written out loud to yourself 3 times. Doing this really helps makes your thoughts more logical and helps when you’re panicking hard about something.

Develop fighting or helpful talk. This means you need to repeat to yourself out loud and audibly to yourself as many times as possible. The doctor doesn’t say it, but by this I mean I say it literally hundreds or sometimes thousands of times a day positive things. Use simple statements with only positive words in them. (eg. Don’t say ‘I’m not scared’. Instead say ‘I’m calm’.) For example, “I am happy and I am calm”. Say this actively with happy and calm images in your mind. Do not just say it back for the sake of saying it. Your subconscious mind believes things it hears often out loud, therefore repeating this to yourself audibly many times is crucial. It feels awkward, embarrassing or crazy at first, but trust the power your voice has.

Use ‘decatastropizing’. Ask yourself when you think negatively, ‘what could be worse?’ ‘I don’t need to take this on right now’. ‘I am capable’. ‘This is not the time for this’. etc.

Think to yourself, if someone I love a lot had the same problem what advice would I give to them? Write your advice down and read it back to yourself. This does wonders: you don’t even realise how kindly you speak to the people you love vs how harsh you are to yourself in the exact same situation!

Practice being actively present in the moment you are in. Chewing your food, brushing your teeth or hair things like that. When you are in a public place and you feel panic setting in, think of a distraction. Some examples are, try counting five blue objects around you. Or count to 100 skipping multiples of eight. Or count three things you can touch, three things you can see, three things you can hear. Or list all seven Harry Potter book titles in your head. All these things switch your brain from the emotional side to the logical thinking part.