cold boys! @wretchedponies - Tumblr Blog

what the fuck even do in the polar? cold as shit

fuck, and I can't stress it enough, your fellow men

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agrotesqueromance

i love when polar explorers are short. woo!

hehkuu

a crozier per episode → nine. the c, the c, the open c

amundsenxcook

the norge expedition would have been 10 minutes long if someone had given amundsen a gun

jacquelying

zoo animal

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henryhodgson

you wouldnt last an hour here

reginaldkoettlitz

look_at_cherry.png

reginaldkoettlitz

like can you believe his real life name is cherry

denisglillie

They put this photo of him on a lantern slide for the express purpose of projecting it to an audience so it's safe to say that people have been going "look at Cherry!!" for over a century

goddisposez

As a consolation prize here is something special. Dave K just emailed me and revealed the full script of Tozer's death scene!! Here's a snippet:

(Tozer falls down, his breasts breasting boobily as he falls. Uh oh! Tuunbaq has gnawed off his back legs and now he is bleeding to death. That's got to sting...)

(He starts losing consciousness... This is it... We see flashbacks of his life before the expedition... His life as a child in Somerset Liverpool... His trans brother epically coming out to him... Standing around in a changing room with a bunch of other marines flicking each others balls... Getting his face cradled by Hickey...)

Tozer: Eeeeeeeee! That was fuckin Terrorble! La!

(The light is fading... Then, Tozer hears the beating of wings, he cranes his neck up weakly. He sees her. A seven foot tall valkyrie woman with the wings of a liver bird)

Valkyrie: (with the voice of cilla black) Alright pet! Ready to come and join us in Scouse heaven?

Tozer: Cock a doodle do!

Fin.

ok this redeems everyone

energyprison

we can all sense your beautiful heart so we really regret having to throw you overboard

#SCOTT TO CHERRY

m3atbuff3t

i coul dnever be the captain of a ship. everyday id be like third lieutenant ..... do a backflip lol

#completely opposite of de gerlache BUT #very much peary i feel

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jeyneofpoole

i’ve been doing research on matthew henson for a lesson i’m teaching later this semester and anyways unrelated i need to beat robert peary with hammers until he dies

agrotesqueromance

Speaking of Robert Peary and airplanes, there's this photo of him that's soooooooooo mustache

How the doose does he manage it. I don't like the fellow but ough I want to steal his mustache

i need him executed and his mustache redistributed to the masses

kvetchinglyneurotic

of the two arctic expeditions that started in 1913, crocker land was generally less disastrous than the karluk (which is. not saying much) but the opposite energies of their rescue missions will always be funny to me

like bob bartlett and kataktovik travel 1100km mostly on foot and as soon as they tell the canadian government what's going on, it sends an ice breaker and asks the russian government to also send a couple of ice breakers and bartlett convinces basically every other captain he runs into to also try to rescue the expedition members if they're in the area

meanwhile the american museum of natural history, already very broke, sends a terrible non-ice breaker that gets trapped in the ice for two years. so the next year they send a second terrible ship that also got stuck in the ice. and then the ice pilot and the museum president (who decided to tag along for some reason) left the ship and moved in to the expedition's cabin, making it a rescue attempt so unsuccessful that it resulted in more people being stranded than at the start. finally in 1917, by which point three of the seven original expedition members had made their way home by walking to greenland and basically hitchhiking home on whatever ships were docked there, the museum finally sent a proper ice breaker with a proper ice pilot. and that ice pilot was our old friend bob bartlett

also crocker land doesn't exist. robert peary made it up, because of course he did

roaldamundsen

it was all a bad dream

jeyneofpoole

2polar2dashboardsimulator

🩻 drjohnraee

and you laughed you alllllll laughed at me well who’s fucking laughing now?????? who’s laughing now!!!!!!!!!!!

📖 what-the-dickens

K

👛 ladys-jane

U

⚓️ admiraltyofficial

N

🇬🇧 greatbritain

G

🍖 ghostfitzghost

P

🍐 tearypeary

THE POLE AT LAST!!!!

👦 blackborrows

shhhhhh they don’t know i’m here don’t tell the boss

⛓️ shacklez

i have a hankering for some stowaway stew….. hmmmmmmmmmm……..

👦 blackborrows

oh my god

🔖 drfreddyc

I HAVE ATTAINED THE POLE. STOP. I’M PREPARED TO BE NORMAL ABOUT IT. STOP. NO I DIDN’T PLAGIARIZE JULES VERNE. STOP. SHUT UP. STOP.

🦅 falconscotts

jsyk if you still fw @/shacklez after the whole mcmurdo sound situation you are the scum of the earth. that’s not even mentioning the hordes of wealthy widows he has trailing after him like have some DECORUM you have a WIFE and CHILDREN if you still choose to follow him you’re dead to me idc. they might cancel me for this i don’t CARE the only way he’s ever trying for the pole again is over my DEAD fucking BODY!!!!!!!!!!

⛄️ pengwilson

they’ll just never admit their fave is problematic it’s so pathetic 🙄

🦅 falconscotts

come here

🍐 tearypeary

he says what.

❄️ amundzen

i can’t believe fred would do this he’s dead to me don’t fucking talk to me about it i’m done i’m so done

❄️ amundzen

post cancelled he still want me 😝

🥫 goldnerco

leaching my poisonous substance. and brother. it’s corrosive!!!!!

🥶 franklinexofficial

what does this mean

🥶 franklinexoffcial

come back what does this mean

⛓️ shacklez

over my dead body he says……….

⛓️ shacklez

okay would it be totally fucked if i…….. no like would it be messed up if. okay wait hear me out. no like would i be a bad person. no like wait.

⛓️ shacklez

dug up the divorce papers to fire me up i no longer have any compunctions i’m on the move nothing can stop me

🐎 socksthepony

fuck you 🪦

⛓️ shacklez

i’ve been stopped

⛴️ theotherross

happy wife happy life amirite 😋 sorry guys i can’t make it on this one have fun without me!

⛴️ theotherross

😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬

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jeyneofpoole

you know dr freddy c had the craziest polar pussy of all time dude he literally just reskinned five jules verne novels frankensteined together into the wildest batshit account of how he totally got all the way up there for sure guys and went back home to everyone in the world crawling around begging to suck his dick and peary is in the corner with a gun in his mouth but nobody gaf it’s not about him ! it’s freddy’s day baby ! and then of course they locked him away forever and ever and he only gets to see roald on their marital conjugal visits because of all the lying and conning et ceterfuckingaaaaa…….. and they said a promiscuous little fraudster could never step foot on the north pole well he DIDN’T but isn’t it soooooo fun to talk about

#POST OF ALL TIME. TO ME.

jeyneofpoole

polar exploration dashboard simulator

🔖 drfreddyc

they call me the attainer. the way i attain these. poles. peary you can suck on my throbbing polar COCK!!!!!!!!

🍐 tearypeary

you will die like a dog

🍒 cherriesgarrard

yayyyyy i love my friends i love the ice yayyyyy this world is so beautiful and true

🍒 cherriesgarrard

MY FUCKING TEETH

🥫 franklinexpeditionofficial

HELP

🥫 franklinexpeditionofficial

HELP

🥫 franklinexpeditionofficial

HELP

⛴️ theotherross

brother i’m on the way

⛴️ theotherross

brother i’ve given up

⛓️ shacklez

my two polar exploring girlfriends. and yes, they traverse the frozen wasteland.

⛓️ shacklez

neverrrrrmind nevermind they fucking unionized the irish can’t have shit fuck this stupid baka life fuck you i hate you both fuckkkk you

🦅 falconscotts

get invalided idiot 🫵🫵🫵

⛄️ pengwilson

🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

🇧🇪 degerlache-belgiums-boy

EAT YOUR SLOP LIKE A PATRIOT

🔖 drfreddyc

too late i’m already baking people

❄️ amundzen

i’ve been baked

🪙 le-cointe

honk schnoooo 😴🧨 honk schnoooo 😴🧨

🫀 emile-danco

NO!!!!! MY PREEXISTING CONDITION!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!

🐧 belgicas-pet-penguin

told you so 👻

📜 peglarpapers

eerfreve eht hserf os werg ti c nepo eht c eht c eht

🛷 leopoldmcccclintock

whagttttthe fucckkkjkkkk

🏝️ beecheyislandofficial

🪦🪦🪦

🏝️ beecheyislandofficial

🪦🪦🪦 🪦

🏝️ beecheyislandofficial

um hello?????????

👤 thomas-morgan-deactivated18540522

don’t ask.

❄️ amundzen

dr frederick cook and i shared one beautiful night of passion on the polar ice in 1898 he pretended to be the south pole and i claimed him for norway it was the greatest night of my life but i wish it had hurt more alright commandant i’m just going to slip this under your door feel free to ask followup questions but the answers will be thorough and i will make it as bad as possible for you ok goodnight see you in hell yes i still quit. kill yourself you trifling whore. 📝💋 xoxo

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cold boys!