Dear Paper And Pen

Thankyou so much

For always, accepting

My scared yet rebel, teenage heart

My sensitive yet strong, old soul

Remember when I told you

My first fight with mom

My first flight with dad

My first crush

And the doodles on that page

.

Oh! If it wasn’t for you

I wouldn’t have dreamt

So innocently

Back in school days

If it wasn’t for you

I wouldn’t have promised myself

So decisively

For the present days

.

You have been there

Always, unconditionally

If it wasn’t for you

I wouldn’t have been

.

.

Yeh shabdon ki duniya meri, aur yeh mere ehsaas

Kabhi pyaar ki gond kaam aajati hai

Kabhi judai ki tadap,

Aur kabhi milan ki pyaas

Shabdon aur ehsaason ko jodke

Kar leti hoon bayaan

Dil ke zakhm kabhi

Heart,

It’s transactions

Of extreme emotions

Ocean of feelings

Contained in a glass bowl

Overflows when it feels

Reflects what it sees

Mostly gleams,

In state of beatitude

Radiates compassion

Floats in gratitude

Everyone surfs happily

When tides are high

Low tides, lonely times

Even the dearest, sit aside

.

Heart,

So strong, it fights

When mind forces

The wrongs, the rights

So fragile, easily gets scratches

Expectations, sharp hedges

Gets hurt, gives hurt

Wears wounds as badges

So wise, so sure

To keep its aura pure

Stays clear

Of pain and fear

It knows it must bear

Hence, it refuses

Doesn’t exchange

Emotional abuses

They stir up a Tsunami

Good for ocean, though

Painful hurricane

Throws the pain-bearers

Off of its shore

.

Threw them away

With them, also went

Love, once pain-free

Love, once carefree

The innocence, the honesty

Tides, now calm or maybe low

Shores, clean, lonely for now

Scared or in apathy, somehow

Doesn’t want anyone riding

It’s pure innocent waves

No one will surf them now

No one allowed to enter

Not even harmless breeze

Can cause ripples in its water

As I stumble upon pain, again, as I sit in its cocoon, I grow.

As I break it off, shed it off, rise above, head high.

Yes, it’s time, to let go, that pain, that cocoon.

It gave me strength, yes that cocoon, had a purpose, it served me.

I notice, I’ve grown wings, vibrant strong wings.

I know I’m scared coz I’ve been, crumpled, all this time, what if ..

But I know, I must trust.

Trust my toes, they can give me a lift, trust my wings, they can fly me high.

I must trust, just trust.

And just like that, I decided, I trusted, I tried.

And just like that, the cocoon, shattered, left on the ground, helpless, powerless, couldn’t hold me any longer.

As I chose, as I became.

.

Both of you,

At times, like toddlers, fighting for my lap

At times, like teenagers, pushing me away

Many times, taking my care, like my siblings

Many times, ignoring me, like strangers

.

16 years now,

From sneaking into my bed at night

Resisting sleeping in your own room

To banging your bedroom door on me

Reminding me of my own teenage years

.

Almost 13 and 17 now,

So straightforward most of the times

So vague many more times

Still melt my heart with your smiles

Still give me headache with your rolling eyes

.

As I fell in love with you at every age

As I prepare myself, I trust

And pack the two decades for you to take away

I know soon it’s time to fly away

I know you are ready too, so proud I am

Go find yourself, color your world

I am always there

For myself

Yes, I am enough

For myself

.

This feeling,

It hurts,

Deeply

Just myself

Just dark

Just silence

.

But

It’s the strongest feeling

I feel

The most comforting

I feel

Infact the most consistent

I feel

.

I know

I will always have my back

I know

I will never leave myself alone

I know

I can always find my shoulder

To lean on

To cry on

Even to pat on

.

.

.

.

They say

They haven’t seen me cry

They say

I am strong, probably that’s why

.

Felt good

To hear

Felt good

To know

.

Someone

Once told me

You can make it

If you can fake it

.

Sad, but I guess

I made it

.

.

.

Ek bachha

Ab ghar mein nahi

Mere dil-o-dimaag mein

Rehta hai

.

Kya khaya, kitna soya

Kitna muskuraya woh aaj

Mann mera har pal mujhse

Yahi poochhta rehta hai

.

Uska chehra padhne ki aadat

Jaate jaate waqt lagega

Jab waqt milega main kar longa baat

Ab woh mujhe tasalli deta hai

.

Bees saal mein

Ansh se insaan hua woh

Apni duniya banane nikla ab

Dil duaon se chhalakta rehta hai

.

Ek bachha

Ab ghar mein nahi

Mere dil-o-dimaag mein

Rehta hai

.

.

.

.