The Drizzle Of Castamere

so my boyfriend doesn't know a lot about lord of the rings and was asking why it was so hard to destroy the ring and I said it corrupted the ringbearers and made them evil and even proximity to the ring can turn you evil as it did briefly with boromir and after some careful thought he decided that the nine members of the fellowship should each have a super long string attached to the ring and they could drag it behind them from really far so it won't affect them and make Legolas always watch it with his elf eyes to make sure it's okay back there and like ... that might work??? Did he solve it??? I'm so mad.

*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free

invasive species encroach on lesbian territory

This is a common misconception because they’re such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe’s. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe’s to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores.

As a hardware store worker I can say that this is all 100% accurate.

now how in the FUCK am i supposed to leave tumblr when a god tier post like THIS is just is just waiting for me daily?!?!?!

question where does the “art student” or “DIYer” “crafter” or “soap maker” or “miniaturist“ etc. who has ventured into the store for supplies fall into the ecosystem/what is their impact of said ecosystem?

#in search of taxonomic precision and peaceful coexistence (via welkinalauda)

do they smoke weed?

Yes, actually.

you mean she isnt just smoking a cigarette? but a weed cigarette?

It’s called a bunt…. Not weed cigarette… And yes, it is a weed bunt. They all smoke weed bunts before we kiss. (They are my girlfriends,)

They don’t look like they smoke weed.

Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. I’m so angry you are so lucky my three weed smorking girlfriends are rubbing my shoulders to calm me down I’m so mad.

Your “weed smoking girlfriend” has a Hello Kitty tattoo on her belly. The one in the middle.

I printed out a photo of your avatar and taped it to my punching bag that I punch and I mutter your URL with every strong punch I punch you twerp…. Don’t ever Talk about Blaiz or the wicked Tat(tattoo) I drew on her ever again I Don’t wanna see you standing outside my home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again ok leave us alone this is the FINAL FUCKING WARNING 

Well that escalated quickly……

What, was that? Hmm? Come again. *Blaiz grabs my shoulder* Come on Jory, they aren’t worth it, please. * I jerk my shoulder shaking her hand off* NO! NOOOOO!!! *starts to just pummel you with my big fucking fists. With each blow I let out a furious yell. The blows come quicker and harder and the yells get louder. I’m yelling so loud and now I’m crying. BREAKING POINT. The week was hard and I can’t take anymore. I’m opening sobbing at this point while you blood gurgle. All three of my girlfriends struggle to pull me off and they finally succeed and lead me away from the goo pile that is now your body*

*shoots you dead* Heh, idiot… *leaves with my three weed smorking girlfriends to go hold hands and kiss.*

this dude playin omg 

Come again? *The bar falls silent. No one dares to make a sound, as you have just said a very poor choice of words at a very dangerous time. I remain slumped over the bar, not looking back to you. One hand limply holding an almost empty bottle, the other hand cradling my head. I repeat the question, this time louder.* Come again?! *You can hear me slur the words, the sentence sounds like a real struggle for me to get out. I’m clearly intoxicated. A bead of sweat rolls down your face as you realize you might have just fucked up in a very major way. Everyone else in the bar is pretending to not notice what is going on. The bartender idly washes a mug with a cloth. His eyes are closed and he’s muttering something to himself. A handful of people hurriedly leave. One person looks back at you, a look of sorrow on their face. They almost say something, but shake their head and cast their eyes down to the floor, and leave. But not you. You stand, petrified. A quick look at me reveals I’m still  at the bar. You look to the exit, there’s still time. But there’s not, there’s not, there’s not. Your fate was sealed the moment you opened your mouth.* Mother fuck.. what did you say?! *I slowly rise from my stool and being to lumber over to you.  I look a mess. My hair is unkempt, I haven’t shaved in what looks like months, there are dark heavy bags under my eyes, my shirt is stained and has holes in it, and I’m missing a shoe. But the main thing you notice is the gun tucked into my jeans, and my massive muscle arms that look like they were made for punching. You know that song about the boots that were made for walking? Yeah, it’s like that only instead of boots it’s my muscles and instead of walking it’s punching. As I drunkenly sway over to you, you think of your family… Will they mourn you, or will they try and forget this blotch of stupidity, that their child insulted the Jory publicly, ever happened to their family? Your thoughts are cut short as I now stand face to face with you. I grab your face and pull you even closer.* Playin?! There was nothing playing… no playing you fuck. No playing… it was real.. the realest thing I’ve ever know.. felt… Love. I loved them… Blaiz…. Chas-Chas… Funk… I loved all three of em… but they…*My face is wet with tears and I’m blinking constantly in vain to hold them back.* They left me… left… *Almost instantly the sadness leaves my face and is replaced with pure anger.* Playin? Playin?! *My hand leaves your face and starts to head to what you think is the gun. You close your eyes and see God looking at you, shrugging. ‘Pft, you brought this upon yourself dude.’ He says as he waves his hands at you dismissively. But instead of the gun, my hands grab yours. Your eyes jolt open and the anger is gone from my face. There is only sadness.* Left me… * I fall to the floor and sob.* Wow, grow up. *You say before you leave the bar but are hit almost immediately from a car and are killed upon impact.*

happy 4/20

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this is the oldest post on all of tumblr, posted in october 2006 before the website even launched publicly in 2007.

Being on Tumblr is less a matter of “why?” and more a matter of “what exactly is the alternative?”. Like, Twitter is a glorified advertising platform, Reddit manages to capture all the vices of Web 1.0 forum culture and absolutely none of its virtues, Facebook is fundamentally hostile to human life, and Pinterest is a digital scrapbooking service wearing a social media app as a hat. What’s left?

this is an anime convention

@unpretty what is Ms. Tubby’s full name if it is not Tubby?

reblog for  Tubbitha

a princess.

It’s so fucking weird to see Tubby on my dash from just like a random unrelated blog I follow. That’s just my best friends’ cat. I commissioned a plate painted with her likeness.

This would make an amazing ask game, y’all. Someone put a movie/show into your ask and you play keep the human and cast the Muppets. 

it’s sometimes hard to believe rasputin was real. like there’s no non-fucked up part of rasputin’s existence

did he do something problematic i thought he was just russia’s greatest love machine

additionally, everyone who wasnt in the party of getting rid of rasputin was pretty bummed out when they found him and his miracle dick dead the next day and there was a pretty bangin funeral of which the royal family themselves attended. however after the tsar was overthrown a few month later they exhumed his body and burned it because the new leadership was very adamant about making sure there were no ties left to honor the old monarchy. however this dudes body had never been properly prepped for a cremation which meant that under the extreme heat his tendons and ligaments began to retract and shrink causing his dead body to move and twitch around as if still animate. according to some testimony his body actually sat up straight on the pyre, and at least one spectator fired a gun at the body and another may have allegedly died of shock.

op was right. there’s no non-fucked up part of this dude’s existence. even his second funeral was fucked

Uh I reblogged this like 3 days ago and I start my new job on Monday??? Like idk how you accidentally find a job but I did.

I need to get paid asap so pls ace help

I GOT PAID I GOT PAID!!!!!! MUCH MORE THAN I EXPECTED AAAAAAAAAAAA THANK YOU ACE

I ALSO HAVE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF MONEY I WOULD LIKE TO ACQUIRE, PLEASE HELP

This has worked before, so why not again?

I could really use a miracle. So why not

im super broke let’s see some magic people.

good work everyone

Uh I reblogged this like 3 days ago and I start my new job on Monday??? Like idk how you accidentally find a job but I did.

I need to get paid asap so pls ace help

I GOT PAID I GOT PAID!!!!!! MUCH MORE THAN I EXPECTED AAAAAAAAAAAA THANK YOU ACE

I ALSO HAVE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF MONEY I WOULD LIKE TO ACQUIRE, PLEASE HELP

Katara would totally help him in.

#THIS SCENE IS SO GOOD#it’s one of those low key displays that tony pays attention to people#he not only knows happy’s favorite show#he knows when it’s on and why happy likes it#he knows happy has a thing for badges#AND HIS PROBABLY KEEPING A WHOLE SECURITY TEAM OUTSIDE THOSE DOORS#TONY LOOKING AFTER HIS FRIEND AW#also everything about his body language Kills Me#he’s trying so hard to look chill hiS VOICE IS SO TIGHT gosh#i waited my whole life for this gifset (via @knightinironarmor)