Cause I'd Like A Hint

You are transported back in time and into the body of a young noblewoman in the 1400s. Your parents have married you off to an awful, abusive, rapist husband whom literally no one else would marry despite him being very high nobility because he's that terrible. You successfully produce a baby boy and then plan to murder this man for the good of everyone and yourself. Here is the question: do you think you could murder him in a way that is undetectable to the historical people around you? Note: they aren't stupid, you are the prime suspect as the battered wife AND you can't just say poison. Where are you going to buy poison? Do you know anything about poison actually? NO GOOGLING! You were sent back without a plan!

Edit: my notes are full of murder. I love you all

Edit: to clarify about the poison, you can use poison if you actually know how to identify it, I'm saying you can't just go "Poison!" with no knowledge about poison. Buying it probably means they know that poison and you're caught. Your personal knowledge when you read this post is all you have.

Another point of clarity: You went through all that trouble to have a baby without modern medicine so you could get the sweet house after your husband died. That's why you can't be caught. No disappearing.

Edit again: Air embolisms are going on a high shelf because the syringe won't be invented for 350 years. Prove to me that you could make one from scratch, lol

It's rude. You're making someone take their time to read something you couldn't bother to write. You're telling them they were so unimportant you couldn't be bothered to actually take the time to say something yourself. And frankly, you're lying about it while you're at it.

An oldie, but a favourite.

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Garth Brooks winning video of the year at the ACMs for a song about how none of us are free as long as there's racism and homophobia

Reba McEntire charting with a gothic horror song about an innocent man being executed by an incompetent judge and a corrupt sheriff

Willie Nelson being, well, his entire self tbh

Dolly Parton recording the hating capitalism banger of all time

listen. Alan Jackson, the archetypal mister big hat man sitting on a tractor singing about a pickup truck, wrote a shockingly normal song about 9/11 that was like "yeah I don't know jack shit about politics but my copy of the bible says we're supposed to love everyone" and then went on the radio and explained how he specifically wanted to write a song about that day that "wasn't vengeful". Miranda Lambert took the southern leftist slogan "y'all means all" and made it the title of a corny ass pop-country song for the Queer Eye soundtrack. Kenny Chesney stole a horse from a cop and Tim McGraw put the cop in a chokehold defending him, and I know that's not about their music but it is, and this is very important, fucking sick as hell

Luke Combs covering Fast Car and keeping the line "I work in the market as a checkout girl" and doing an interview about how he couldn't change a single word because it's not his story. king shit

Morgan Wallen doing I Had Some Help, literally the first song that spoke to me as a male survivor of domestic abuse. also shoutout to the guy for getting caught saying a racial slur and responding by specifically telling his fans not to defend him and raising a bunch of money for the Black Music Action Coalition. bro had an engraved invitation to the culture war and said "nah I'd rather be normal"

Shaboozey just absolutely obliterating the drunk roadhouse anthem glass ceiling

Maren Morris and Brothers Osborne with a song that okay, released in 2019 but I didn't hear until recently, about how good friends mind their own business and let you love whoever you want and also get high with you when you're broke

Kimberley Perry! If I Die Young Part 2!! "actually I'm glad I lived, bitch" ass song that I bet is gonna mean a LOT to kids fighting depression

But if you know where those two are supposed to end up, the whole thing starts feeling deeply soulmate-coded in a very gothic, meta kind of way.

“Rest. I’m the quiet you’ve been longing for.”

It starts sounding less like “die” and more like: your soul has been restless all your life, looking for its other half, and now that you’ve found it, you can finally rest.

“I’ve been calling to you for some time.”

Armand has spent centuries lonely, searching for someone who could truly see him, someone he could love and be loved by in return. And now that person is finally here. He can rest too.

“From every bad fix, from the unnamed malaise you feel Sunday afternoons.”

Daniel is always portrayed by the narrative as restless. Always searching, moving, chasing something, unable to settle. And under a soulmate frame, Armand is positioned as the answer to that ache. Like without him Daniel feels incomplete, vaguely unwell, pulled toward something he can’t name.

“And now here I am and you can rest.”

Again, it becomes less about death and more about completion. Everything is turmoil when they are apart, constant motion, constant loneliness, and now they’ve finally found each other.

And when we ask, “What were the first words of the ancient vampire to the future love of his life?” and realize the answer is actually “Rest,” the entire speech suddenly changes under a more meta, all-knowing lens.

Because yes, in the moment, it’s eerie, predatory, manipulative. Armand is essentially saying: “You wish for death and I can give it to you.” But retrospectively, it feels prophetic. Tacit foreshadowing. Like what he’s actually saying is: “You can stop searching now that you’ve found me,” and he doesn’t even know it.