Imagine how it felt to be Mahiru 7 months after Hikari disappeared. Karen hasn’t heard from her in over half a year, and the last thing she did was brutally betray her to become the top star. And every day Karen is still constantly thinking about Hikari and worried about Hikari and trying to get in contact with Hikari and all this time Mahiru has been there for her, supporting her through it all and helping her efforts to find/contact her. And through all that Karen appreciates her as a friend is probably grateful for what Mahiru does for her, but ultimately she doesn’t even look her way once. And yet Mahiru could never bring herself to stop being there for Karen, she has to be by her side as her support every step of the way even though she knows Karen will never reciprocate her feelings. Imagine the feelings Mahiru is dealing with. The burning desire she has in her heart that Hikari will stay gone forever, in the desperate hope that eventually Karen will get over her and she will be all Mahiru’s once again. Mahir might even find herself being thankful to Hikari for disappearing out of her life and leaving Karen in a needy lonely state. Imagine the guilt she feels inside at having these desires. Of course at this point in the story Karen had already revealed that Mahiru has her own starlight, she doesn’t need to covet Karen’s. But despite the fact that Karen gifted her the ability to see her own starlight, now her beloved Karen is stuck having had her own stolen away by Hikari’s absence (not by becoming the top star but because Hikari and her promise with Karen was the real source of her starlight, but Mahiru doesn’t know this yet). In Mahiru’s eyes Hikari must seem like such a terrible person for what she did to Karen, but those feelings don’t matter because Karen is still broken up about her betrayal and disappearance, and, at least for now, Karen needs Mahiru’s kindness. So through it all she never lets her feelings of jealousy, resentment, or guilt show and she never stops helping Karen because if Mahiru isn’t there to support Karen then what use is Mahiru at all.
All her friends are in inseparable romantic and passionate pairings with their rivals/roommates, but Mahiru had to deal with having her spot beside Karen stolen from her out of nowhere, only for the girl who did it to stab Karen in the back and disappear without a word. At first when it happened being there for Karen was a no brainer, her favorite person in the world is struggling and she needs to support her. But as time goes on Mahiru feels resentment building in her heart that Karen won’t get over it. It’s been months and she’s constantly thinking ‘Hikari isn’t coming back, Karen, but I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you!’ but she’s too nice of a girl to ever express these feelings in any capacity. But Mahiru is patient and kind. She will wait by Karen’s side for seven months. She’ll wait by her side for seven years. Even if the rest of their lives Karen never looks her way, she will still be there for her so long as no one steps in to steal Karen away again…
…-and then Karen reunites with Hikari and Mahiru has to pretend she’s okay with it and that she’s happy for them. A part of her is, of course, but I know those feelings are there. No one can have an obsession as strong as Mahiru’s and have it disappear quickly or cleanly. It takes a lot of time and a lot of pain. But Mahiru is far too kind to ever let her feelings show.
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romaincrisis
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