You there?

are you guys hearing about this dude working to developing a vaccine for cats that he's hoping would like. theoretically double their lifespans?

"can you take care of this" i already did. an hour ago. i'm the fastest secretary in the west. i am the swiftest gazelle sprinting on the field of schedules and phone calls and emails. secretariat? the triple crown record holder? that was me too. seabiscuit get fucked. turning you to glue. i redid your dumbass filing system while i was at it. fuck with me

sumatran tiger kami sambal at the oklahoma city zoo, 2020 [via kyla flatley]

I should lock the fuck in *half an hour passes* I should lock the fuck in *half an hour passes* I should lock the fuck in *half an hour passes* I should-

we need more pathetic female characters written by authors who don't hate women

to be clear since this is making the rounds: she has to be an absolute loser in no way that can be pinned on her gender. no "i'm just a girl tee-hee" stuff. straight up just a loser (nondenominational)

addendum: she must be the most important person in the whole narrative

normalise saying ''what the fuck is wrong with you'' to mean people

stop making this post cute. it's blunt and violent. it's about humiliating needlessly cruel people not about bickering with loved ones.

never "look inside" yourself btw i just tried it and there was already someone in there looking back it was so awkward

sometimes i say “i think” but actually i know. on account of being the knower.