What the Librarian Said

Sir, I think it's great you're reading, and that you're reading out loud, but you can't read an adult romance novel out loud in the kid's area. Please find a quiet area in the adult section if you want to continue reading out loud.

And once they do the math THEN they get to hit each other with swords

Maybe my butt’s not gigantic, but you just think so because you’re tiny.

No, sir, I was unable to find any record of a tornado that ripped a page from a book, then wrote a verse from that page on a wall.

Sir, at the completion of our interaction, I'd prefer you didn't click your heels and sig heil me

It's an elevator, not the door to Narnia. It only opens upstairs and down here, no matter how many times you go up and down

What's the nature of the poop?

I would ask any patron whose clothes are soaked in urine to kindly leave the library.

The inside of this pig is still damp.

Ma'am, is this your corn?

No, I'm sorry, we don't have photographs of the actual Garden of Eden.

I regret to inform you that Social Security does not and has never operated passenger rockets to the moon.

Is that a weed whacker?

I'm sorry, your study group is being too loud. You're being disruptive to people here to enjoy the harsh noise performance.

Quit tagging my library! Other gangs can come here too!

Sir, I know you're not drinking right now but, you were just drinking from that bottle of liquor (tucked under his arm) when you were in the restroom. So, you're going to have to leave the library for the rest of the day today.