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Sure I like crystals and kitchen/green magic and hearth magic and all but if anything really defined the current state of my craft and the love I have for it, it would be in books.
My grimoire is not simply written down in journals. It is scattered across my bookshelf, between the pages of every book on it. It is on the sticky notes, highlights, and scrawled in margins of the books on my shelves. It is in the pdf files I collect or the blog posts I write. It is in each book, from the "bad" books I purchased at the beginning of my journey to the "good" books I have purchased more recently as I gained the knowledge to discern between them. It is in my library catalog where I carefully list each book I have and what knowledge it holds within it. It is every word I read and write.
My altar is not only in the nightstand I use for my workings. It is in the bookcase where I keep my tangible source of knowledge. There I keep my knowledge surrounded by magic. There are bottles and crystals and statues to keep my books company.
It is there I have always found magic, between the pages of a book. That tangible or intangible fount of knowledge. There in that smell, that texture. There among the magical symbols that can transmit the thoughts of one into the thoughts of another. There in its ability to travel through time, teaching us from those long dead to those who are yet to be born. It comes in a physical book or in a electronic document, even in a curated blog. There is magic in the hoarding of it like a dragon hoards gold. I bring the words into my space. I care for them, giving them a home like stray pets.
Mirabel had her first essay of the semester coming up in a few weeks, and this time, she wasnât going to fumble it.
She had carefully-organized notes from the past few weeksâ lectures (And discussions, which was a new thing for herâ there wasnât a lot of discussion time in engineering classes. That time was replaced with recitation) all ready to go. She had a coffee from the little two-cup pot that had been a good-luck gift. She had a playlist of concentration music, and now all Mirabel needed was a good spot.
The library wasnât very full, but almost every table already had someone sitting there. Mirabel felt weird sitting down with someone she didnât know (even if they wouldnât talk) so she kept walking until she found a shadowy little corner with a window overlooking the courtyard and a sort-of-creepy-looking bust of some dean from a hundred years ago.
No one was sitting there, though. It would have to do.
Mirabel took one of the spots at the two-seat table and opened her laptop. She could do this.
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Before he had lost his sight, the maester had loved books... He understood the way that you could sometimes fall right into them, as if each page was a hole into another world.
On Maester Aemon
Martin, George R. R. A Feast for Crows. New York, NY: Bantam Books. 87-88. A Song of Ice and Fire.
A/N: Massive thank you to the lovely @nachodiablo for helping me to understand aces more. Thoâ weâve decided to cut down the ace part cause that, deserve its own story. So Iâm going to tag you on that one too. Thank you!
Huge thank you to @honeyweeds for being the loveliest beta ever!
The first time it happened was when Penelope Clearwater dragged him into a hidden broom closet at the end of a quiet hallway. He was seventeen.
âOh, Percy,â Penelope moaned.
The space had been small, but that wasnât the problem. The problem was their situation, a situation where it should have felt good ăź her hands had roamed his body, hips shifting in a way he knew should have been sexy, and her lips kissed him, slow and sensual and nice. But it just⌠It should have felt good.
Percy wasnât stupid. Â
He wanted to be aroused. He wanted to feel himself grow hard and have something to talk about in the dorm room at night.
The problem was, Penelope just didnât do it for him.
Penelopeâs hands roamed freely from his chest to his torso then straight to his trousers. Her slender fingers fiddled with his waistband, and she teased him by playing with his button. He could feel her smirk in their kiss.
âNow what should we do, Mister Head Boy?â
He really had no answer for that. Because honestly, he had no fucking idea what he should do now.
But, Penelope took his silence as a challenge, as his desire. She bit her bottom lip and tilted her face to stare straight to Percyâs eyes while her fingers skillfully unbuttoned his trousers. She gave a quiet moan of satisfaction as she pushed his trousers and boxers down his hips. They pooled at his feet as she leaned in to kiss him again, her hand brushing his leg as she moved toward his inner thigh.
âPercy?â She questioned, hand hesitating over his limp cock. She settled instead on the curve of his stomach, the tips of her fingers slipping under his shirt as her wrist brushed his curls. âAre youăź Am I moving too fast?â she asked with obvious concern in her voice.
He resisted sighing.
Percy was most certainly not okay, but he wasnât a quitter, either. He jerked off to Billâs Playwitch magazines and heard Charlie talk about the girls heâd slept with in Romania. His brothers had given him pointers and he wasnât fucking stupid.
âYeah, Penny,â he told her. âLet me just,â he changed their position, drawing an arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer. His mouth found hers as he forced himself to kiss her.
The moan she gave encouraged him, and he brushed his fingers against the sharp bone of her collar, revealed by the open throat of her uniform shirt.
He remembered his hand wrapped around his own cock, the calloused warmth of his palm tugging along his length, and he had moaned too, hips thrusting against his hand. Heâd nearly forgotten what or who he was doing. Until she cried, âOh, Perce,â and he found himself pulling away from her as if he was burned.
âShit,â he murmured. His eyes burned and cock ached and he wanted to come, it just⌠He couldnât. Quickly he pulled his pants up, eyes not meeting hers anymore. âIâm sorry, Penny. Iâm sorry. I apologize, Iăźâ
But he couldnât think of anything.
âIâm sorry,â he said again, and he left, body cold and ashamed as he escaped her.
For the first time in his life, he felt like a failure.
Breakfast the next day was awkward. He couldnât find the words to be himself, and the feel of Penelopeâs hand on his shoulder before she passed him a small piece of parchment only made it worse. He stole a glance at his girlfriend and he felt his guts twist in an unpleasant way. He knew sheâd been crying from the swollen state of her eyes, and he swallowed thickly in response.
She gave him a curt nod before she left. He stared after her as she left the Great Hall, considering how he could fix things, but came up short. Remembering the parchment, Percy excused himself and found an empty hall to read it in. It wasnât long. Instead, her clean, familiar writing read: âIâm sorry I wasnât good enough for you.â
He wondered, however briefly, if he was supposed to feel guilty. And it angered him. Because it wasnât about her, and it wasnât fair of her to think so. He was angry at himself, which upset him even more. He wasnât stupid, but his action had been. And he needed to fix it. He was going to fix it.
Right after first period.
The first time it happened to Theo, he was confused. So. Fucking. Confused.
Daphne was in his bed, straddling him, unbuttoning his white shirt, kissing, biting, licking and sucking his neck and his chest. But he felt awkwardly⌠Indifferent?
This wasnât their first time fooling around, grinding into each other until they found release, but Theo couldnât bring himself to get into it this time. Daphne was beautiful, she was damn hot, the same as always, butăź
He pushed her off of him.
âSorry, love. Maybe next time?â He ran his hand through the mess Daphne had made of his hair, and crossed his ankles as though he wasnât perturbed at all. âIâm knackered. Close the door on your way out.â
Daphne buttoned her shirt and smoothed her skirt over her hips. âDo you want to talk about it?â
Theoâs closed eyes snapped open. He looked at Daphne, waiting for her to laugh and make fun of him, and when he didnât see any said reactions, he slowly sat up and rubbed his face tiredly.
âI donât know what the fuck is going on, Daph,â he said as Daphne sat down next to him.
âHey, donât overthink it,â she said.
He replied with a hollow small laugh.
âDonât overthink it? Fucking hell, Daph! My cock was limp! And believe me it wasnât you.â He leaned in, trying to kiss her again, but Daphne pushed him back gently.
âTell me, how was it? What did you feel?â Seeing his hesitation, she held his left hand between hers supportively. Theo squeezed her fingers in silent appreciation. âDonât be ashamed, okay? Tell me.â
âI felt ăź sorry Daphne ăź really odd, â he paused a second to gauge her reaction. Seeing none, he continued, âI enjoyed it. Really, I did. Weâve been doing this for what, two months? And you know what you do to me. It takes a long time sometimes, butăźâ Theo pushed down his embarrassment âăźin the end Iâve always been able to get it up. But today⌠I donât know, Daph.â
âHave you ever, you know, tried anything with the guys?â Her face flushed as she asked.
Theo mulled over her question. Now that he allowed himself to be honest, he felt his body responding to thoughts of Draco and Blaise. Heâd even found himself drooling over Wood when he first saw his biceps during a match. He took a sharp intake of breath.
Could it be?
Daphne noticed the hitch and quietly took a moment to think about how she could help him.
She knew first hand about the oppression and fear that came with liking the same sex. Sealing herself, she softly shared, âI like you, Theo. I really do. Youâre very handsome, with your black hair, your mysterious green eyes, top in our class, well, after Granger and Draco of course, andăźâ she leaned closer to him and playfully sniffed his neck âăźsmells good too. Wow, Nott. A full package? Exciting!â
She wiggled her eyebrows and it made Theo laughed. Daphne gave him a soft smile as she spoke. âBut you know who else excites me? Pansy.â
Theo raised his eyebrows as he digested her words.
âYouâreăź You like Pansy and me?â
Daphne nodded twice.
âYou like both girls and boys?â
She smiled softly and nodded her head again.
âMerlin. Is it okay? I meanăźâ Theo jumped off his bed and paced in front of Daphne. He looked repeatedly between the blonde and the floor, âăźis it okay? For usăź For me to like boys? For you and Pansy? It doesnât feelăź It isnât fucking normal.â
Daphne chuckled. She got up and stood beside Theo, taking in his scared and confused expression. âNormal? Is anything about us normal, Theo?â
Theo snorted, âI guess not.â
The two Slytherins shared a laugh, obvious understanding between them. She let him collect himself before she continued.
âBut aside from that, itâs okay, Theo. You can like boys. I can like girls. Sexuality is not something that should be controlled, so long as no oneâs hurt.â She cupped his face with both her hands and tip-toed to peck his nose. âThis is where the Muggle have us beat. They know all about this. Research and books. If you want⌠I can show you what helped me.â
âI canât believe I hear a Slytherin says âMuggle have us beatâ.â Theo smirked then sighed in defeat. âAlright, Daph. Show me. Enlighten this problematic lost puppy.â Daphne chuckled and muttered âdrama queenâ as she handed him his white shirt.
âLetâs go to the library. I know just the perfect source for you.â Her eyes twinkled with excitement.
Daphne drew her arm through his and dragged him out of the dungeon, to the one place she knew would help him: the library.
The second time it happened was in a quiet corner of the library, between two shelves, when Penelope Clearwater once again pulled him into a heated kiss.
âPenny,â Percy said in between kisses.
âShh. I just, Iâm sorry. I need you. Iâmăźâ
Penelope didnât get to finish her sentence as Percy pushed her deeper into the rows of books. He kissed her deeply and nipped her ear, causing her to moan in pleasure.
It was incredible, having that power. Especially over her, his girlfriend, after what had happened, butăź
But there was something missing, and he couldnât keep the thought from his mind, no matter how hard he tried. He was confused, but he quickly pushed it aside. He wanted to show his girlfriend that he wanted her. He couldnât get enough of the idea of making her knees weak with desire.
Pushing her skirt up her thighs, Percy lifted her off her feet and leaned against a windowsill for support. She drew her legs around his waist, rolling her hips against his, and he moaned her name in response. Penelope pushed herself back a little and slid her hands into his pants and slowly stroking his length.
And as she kissed his neck, he looked up and saw a young boy, maybe in his little brother, Ronâs, year, ăź he wasnât quite sure as he was currently occupied ăź watching them between the stacks. His dark eyes reflected the green of tie, and as their gazes locked, Percy couldnât deny the excitement that pulsed through him.
He liked it.
By the time Theo got to the library, his nerves felt as though they would eat him alive. The feeling only intensified with Daphne dragging him over to Hermione fucking Granger. He couldnât say that he was surprised she was the source, but he was certainly surprised that Daphne was comfortable enough to ask her anything.
After sheâd answered his questions, they shifted into even more personal topics. Theo decided heâd had enough.
Wandering the library for a moment, he realized he wasnât sure where to start.
âMaybe Genetics,â he muttered as he made his way to the deepest corner of the library. He froze when he heard moans, the sound echoed in his ears in the silence of the library. Low loud moans in this quiet area. He tried to escape, ăź still half looking for Genetics ăź and ended up a shelf away from them. Theo peaked between a gap of the books on impulse, blinking in surprise when he saw them.
Her skirt was pushed up to her hips, offering him a view of her long legs. her hands were everywhere, roaming his body as though it belonged to her. But, what really caught Theoâs attention was who she was touching. A Weasley. And not just any Weasley.
The Head fucking Boy.
Theo watched as the girl tugged Percyâs shirt and undid his belt. He glanced over the hard curve of Percyâs stomach, gaze climbing his body to his face, and Theo watched Percyâs eyes rolled back as her hand slipped into his pants. Theo wanted to look away from them but he couldnât. He couldnât look away from Percyâs tousled red hair, his crumpled uniform, and his clenched jaw as he bit her ear.
Theoâs breaths quickened, overwhelmed by the scene before him.
Then, as the girl kissed his neck, Percy looked up and their eyes met, looking at each other as though theyâd done it before. Theo remembered how he felt whenever Draco smirked at him, whenever Blaise made lewd jokes at him, whenever Wood left the quidditch pitch shirtless, and it all came to him at once.
Fuck.
Percy quickly let Penelope down back on her feet and righted himself. Â He was the Head Boy for fuckâs sake. He couldnât be caught fooling around in the library. He cleared his throat and confidently asked, âCan I help you?â
Theo rounded the shelf, surprising both Penelope and Percy.
Penelope pecked him on his cheek and ran past Theo, leaving the two confused men alone.
âWeasley.â Theo moved to stand before Percy, acutely aware of their bodies. âI do need help, but Iâm not sure if you can help me.â
âDo you now?â Percy lifted a brow, studying the Slytherin boy. âWhy donât you tell me what it is, and Iâll determine whether or not I can help you.â
Theo hummed in response, shifting closer. They were less than an armâs length away from each other, and Theo lifted a hand to touch the bottom edge of Percyâs tie. âI need you to kiss me.â
Percyâs eyes went wide. He hadnât expected that. âExcuse me?â
âKiss me,â Theo said and before Percy could give him his answer, Theo panicked. He reached out and took hold of Percyâs arm. âIăź I wonât tell anyone. Just a kiss. I thought, maybeăźâ
Percy looked down to the hand on his arm and gently removed it. âMr. Nott, I apologize, but I canât help you. Now, if youâll excuse me.â He righted his uniform and summoned his robes, shrugging them on. He didnât meet Theoâs gaze, the request echoing in his ears as he picked up his school bag. But, Theo was blocking his path, forcing Percy to look at him.
âTell me, Weasley. Whatâll happen to your Head Boy reputation when they find out what you were just doing? In the library, of all places?â Theo smirked at Percyâs panic-stricken face.
âThey wonât believe you. Youâre a Slytherinăźâ
âAnd we always get what we want. Always,â Theo cut him off.
Percyâs head was whirling, thinking of the absurdity of this whole situation. First, he still couldnât figure out his manhood problem. Second, a Slytherin caught him in action, threatening to ruin his reputation if he didnât kiss him. Third, he actually wanted to kiss said Slytherin. Wait. What?
âWhat?â He repeated.
âUs Slytherins are cunning,â Theo told him with a sly smile. âAnd Iâm ambitious, Percy. Iâm sure you can relate to that.â He stepped closer. So close he could smell the girlâs perfume lingering on him. âAnd I know you love your reputation more than anything.â
Percy rubbed his face frustratedly with both his hands, trying to remember if heâd forgotten that today was the twinsâ birthday, 1 April. He felt as though they were having one over on him, using a fucking Slytherin to do it.
He was already exhausted and confused. He didnât need this. Not now, and definitely not haunting him when he tried to go to bed later.
âWhen?â He questioned, the heels of his palms rubbing at his eyes in attempt for some clarity. It felt foolish even asking the question.
âNow.â
âOkay.â
âOkay?â
Percy groaned, looking at Theo in annoyance. Did this boy really have to make it hard? âYes, okay, alright, agree, deal ăźâ
Theo shut him up quickly, taking Percyâs face in hands and pressing his lips to his. Percy went rigid. Theo could feel his shoulders tense and worried that Percy would pull away, but relaxed when he instead began to kiss back.
It was raw. Pure instinct and desire that Percy never had felt before. It felt wrong. He could nearly hear his mother now, but he couldnât be bothered, because Theoâs tongue had brushed his, and it felt so right. It was different than his kiss with Penny. This one, Merlin, this one was everything that he had imagine how it would be with Penny, but never did. He felt his body responding; touching and pulling Theoâs hips closer to his. Theo was sucking on his neck when he felt a bulge brush over him. Percyâs body stiffened as he realized. He quickly pushed Theo away and  excused himself.
It shouldnât have happened. He was Percy Weasley. Head Boy. Perfect son. He would marry a good woman that would bear his children and live the normal life expected of him.
He left the library without looking back.
That was the first and last time he talked to Theodore Nott.
Third time it happens it reminds him of the broom closet. But more importantly, of the library.
Percy is twenty-five, working under Kingsley Shacklebolt for almost three years. The war is long over and there is so much devastation that all anyone wants is love. So it isnât crazyăź
Well, it is.
But it isnât as crazy when Nott slides into the empty seat across from him at lunch. A sneaky smirk on his handsome face as he says, âWeasley.â
âNott,â he replies. âLunch?â
A waitress comes to their table with Percyâs fish and chips and both of their Firewhiskey. Percy take out his wallet to pay but Theo stops him as he says, âAlready taken care of.â
They talk for more than an hour about everything: quidditch, politics, work, family, Hogwarts.
Hogwarts.
Normally when anyone mentioned Hogwarts, his first thought is Fred. But now, hearing it from Theoâs mouth, he remembers the library. The quiet corner between the shelves. He remembers Theoâs dark eyes between the books. His lips upon agreement to help him.
Percy swallows at the memory.
He silently studies Theoâs face and yes, he is still so handsome. It was almost offensive.
âAre you seeing anyone, Percy?â Theo asks, bringing his glass to his mouth.
âNo. Not seeing anyone.â Percy takes a sip of his own Firewhiskey, considering his past lovers. They were a blur of men and women, but none that ever stuck. Heâs grown a lot since graduating. He understood that his interests were different from others, and he is comfortable with who he is now.
Unexpectedly, Theo asks, âDo you remember?â
Percy doesnât need any clarification.
âI do,â Theo grins mischievously.
âOf course I remember,â Percy replies, eyes sure on Theoâs.
Theo clears his throat.
âRight. I wanted to apologize, for forcing the kiss on you. But, I wanted to thank you, too.â Theo observes Percyâs confused face. âI was struggling with my sexuality then. When I saw you⌠I thought⌠I understood, but I wanted to be sure.â
Percy nods in understanding.
âAnd after that kiss, it was clear to me,â Theo smiles, his eyes distant with happiness for a moment. âI knew that I was not interested in women after that.â
âWhy are you telling me this?â Percy asks, searching Theoâs face.
Theo seems pensive for a moment, staring down at the table. Percy can feel his heart pounding in his chest. Remembering the excitement that Theoâs kiss had inspired him.
As Theo looks back up, he smiles, so handsome and assuredly that Percy smiles too.
âIâve heard that youâre interested in men, too,â Theo tests.
âFrom time to time,â Percy offers with a grin.
Theo chuckles. âNot so worried about reputation now, huh?â
Percy grins wider. âNot as much.â He shifts in his seat, angling towards Theo. "Can I help you, Mr. Nott?â
âWeasley.â Theoâs toothy grin slowly etching on his face. âI do need help, but Iâm not sure if you can help me.â
âDo you now?â Percy raises a brow. âWhy donât you tell me what it is, and Iâll determine whether or not I can help you.â
Theo guffaws. All his aristocracy forgotten.
âAlright.â He crosses his arms on their table and leans toward him. A goofy smile spreads across his face. âI need you to kiss me.â
Percy shortens their gap as he too leans forward. He lifts a hand to hold the bottom edge of Theoâs tie, pulling his face closer to him before he gives him his answer.
âOkay.â
And just like in the library, the kiss is pure instinct and desire.