*gay panic*

Bucky Barnes, who was tortured, brainwashed, and had his arm replaced with a metal one because he was the only one that the serum worked on when they experimented on him:

Bucky Barnes, internally: bitch I will literally smash your head against that shield you fucking stole from Sam, maybe then you might find your brain back there, dumbass. God your such a asshole, full of shit little fucker-

A new kid transfers and is instantly popular (because that tends to happen to mid year transfers) and they keep seeing this one guy in the halls that no one seems to notice but he’s really fucking cute. So they try to flirt with him -his name is Peter, they know that now, que internal screeching- and realize that Peter is either oblivious as shit or is just trying to turn them down nicely, so naturally they assume it’s the latter and get really embarrassed about it and try to avoid him at all costs. After a while, everyone realizes that the popular new kid just runs out of rooms as quickly as they can every so often and no one can figure out the reason why. But then a group of people are talking really loudly about it while near MJ, and she’s fucking done with this shit because she was with Peter when it happened, so without looking up from her book she says something like, “They run out every time Parker enters a room”. Then everyone assumes Peter did something because ‘what other reason can there be?’, and Flash, because of course flash is obsessed with them, yells at Peter in the lunchroom and tries to call him out and it goes something like this;

my personal carry out goes something like this if u want to use it:

“Yo Penis!” Flash yells with a cocky smirk while the lunchroom quiets down to see what the commotion is.

“What do you want, Flash.” Peter says with a heavy sigh.

They had just walked in the lunchroom so they were just standing there awkwardly, not knowing what’s happening and why everyone was so quiet.

“What did you do to *OC? Huh? What did you catcall them or something? Try and force yourself onto them, hm? What did you do, Parker?”

As Flash had continued to talk they had gotten more and more disgusted at what he was implying. They felt frozen on the spot, as if they could only watch in horror as Flash made baseless accusations. The tense situation was only broken by Peter snorting loudly and then covering his mouth, trying to hold in a laugh.

“No, I- *laugh* I’m so sorry, it’s just- *breaks out laughing so hard he has to hold the table to keep himself up* -that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in like a week and a half. Phew! Ok first of all. No. No I did not. Why would you even think that? Second. What does *OC have to do with any of this?”

Finally, after getting a grip on what was going on, they start to move again before standing a few feet away from Peter and flash, “because I hit on you... and was embarrassed about it when you rejected me so...”

Peter almost starts laughing again until he sees the look on their face. “Oh um- I’m gonna be honest here, I didn’t actually know you were hitting on me. Also why? And I’m actually dating someone so uhm *clears throat awkwardly* yea.”

They shuffle their feet uncomfortably, “Ya. Ya ya ya- no that makes sense. Your like really cute so that makes sense that your... with someone. *weird pause where it is just painfully awkward* I -uh- sorry I just felt weird about it and didn’t want to make you uncomfortable so.” they are blushing while Peter looks increasingly more awkward, which shouldn’t be possible because he already wanted to sink into the ground as soon as they had said those first words when they had come over.

Suddenly, Flash speaks up loudly, “Wait- what the actual fuck? Parker? You thought Parker was cute? Baby are you blind?”

While uncomfortable by the pet name, they ignore it but sassily answer the question and audibly scoff, “No. But you must be. I mean look at him!”

Peter looks extremely fucking awkward and does that 3 finger wave thing where it’s only the thumb, pointer, and middle finger up. Then the whole goddamn school looks at him, multiple people squint, some tilt their head, one kid says to their friend, “oh my god... why am I just realizing he’s really hot.”, and the majority of the people in school nod along because the cafeteria was still dead quiet.

*finish however you like* :)

*let me know if you script this and how it goes* :)

*link the fanfic if you decide to make it* :)

Bonus points:

-they end up with Michelle Jones

-Peter is either dating Wade Wilson, Harley Kenner, Gwen Stacy (but portrayed by Chloë Grace Moretz), or Harry Osborn (by Harrison Osterfield and not evil)

-Flash somehow ends up getting food thrown at him

-they and Peter become best friends and tell each other everything and all that fluff (like a supportive bestie because as much as I love Ned, the boy could not be comforting if his life depended on it.)

-Peter gets either gets a text/call (from Fury, Tony, Hill, Nat, Steve, whoever you want, about a mission) or his Spider Senses go off, and he just fucking leaves

-Peter is Tony’s biological son (or adopted, whatever floats) so when he gets dropped off at the tower he just either jumps face first on the couch or just fucking flips up and sticks to the ceiling (there is no in between. Peter simply refuses to talk drama if it is said any other way) and is just like, “oh my god, dad, you will not believe what happened today.”

-The person serving the school lunches is Stan Lee and he is nothing but fully enjoying this display of pure teen social awkwardness

The ones that could so easily be canon:

(this should require no explanation. just watch the show. THEY ARE MARRIED YOUR HONOR-)

(*sigh* look. they. are. ace. and. dating. and. i. will. fight. someone. over. this.)

(look at them. all cute. pretending to be straight and FAILING SPECTACULARLY.)

(im just gonna say what we r all thinking... they have fucked at least once and definitely did at Clint’s farm. the unresolved sexual tension-)

(ok so this one is actually canon. no like actually.)

(he’s so bi- istg this boy is in a constant state of bi panic. also he could be trans. every time posts talk about it, there’s comments about forcing ur identity on his character. but isn’t that what ur doing by saying character’s are cis/straight?)

(u can say im wrong and she’s completely straight but we both know im right.)

(the entire fandom, including the actress, are just kinda like ya no she’s not straight.)

(you can claim they were best friends but if they were they were reallyyyyyy close best friends)

LOOK AT THAT. THEY ARE NOT STRAIGHT. NO.

"Danger is my middle name. I have it monogrammed on all of my towels.”

“Like wow! Just dig that craaaazy keyhole, Tiger! I've heard of air-conditioning... but this is ridiculous!”

“Wow, Gwendy... you sure can pick 'em! He's either a masked menace... or a psycho case! Take your pick!”

“Listen, this is getting too heavy. Let's leave it for some other time, okay? I need some sleep. I'll think about Petey tomorrow. Yeah.”

“Mr. Parker! I'll say this once! You are not taking one step out of this hospital until the doctor says you can! And is there something you find humorous, Mr. Reilly..?!?”

“Being married to Spider-Man is worse than being married to a policeman. At least a policeman's wife would get a call in the middle of night. I'm just too young... ...and not in the mood.”

“One word -- just one -- and I'll kill you dead. Right here. Right now.”

“Go get him, Tiger. Kick his ass. Kick it HARD.”

“Hummm, you know, Sarah was right, you do kiss like a brother.”

“I'd like to report a murder. Is that what I'm supposed to say?”

“THERE ARE MORE THAN TWO BILLION PEOPLE ALIVE TODAY! ... AND HALF OF THEM ARE MMMMALES!”

“Peter, why is the Fantastic Four in my living room?”

So when Peter Parker wakes up and checks his arm of all the parental figures, he’s all like HOLY SHIT because it’s a full of symbols: Mary Parker, Richard Parker, May Parker, Ben Parker, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Happy Hogan, (and whoever else you want to add to your fic). But then he checks his OTHER arm and he fucking loses it because there’s a good 20ish marks. And he doesn’t realize it until later but it’s all the superheroes that become heroes as teens or kids or just people who he acted parental towards or whatever and saw him a sort of father. cause he gives a ton of that really good dad!advice in the comics and it’s just great.

And if u don’t like Peter Parker: (fucking how??)

Tony Stark: he has 1 parental figure, that being Edwin Jarvis, and is always really concerned about it because ‘how can he be a good parental figure, he only had one and it wasn’t even his real parents.’ And he has no clue what to do. He has 9 or so (DUM-E, U, FRIDAY, Morgan Stark, Nebula, Peter Parker, Harley Keener, Vision, and whoever else u want to add) people he is going to be a parent for and he’s not ready for that. and as time goes on he realizes what a natural dad𝚝𝚖 he is and it’s just a really wholesome fluff that begins a little angsty.

Bucky Barnes: (have it be right arm=parental figures and left arm=parental roles) He never really cared much about it before the fall because he always thought it wouldn’t be until he’s in his late twenties that it even mattered so he never really checked it out. After the fall he has no clue what to do because they offered to paint them on in Wakanda but he doesn’t even remember EXACTLY what any of them were and doesn’t want to mess them up plus he doesn’t think he’s worth being a parental role to anyone and thinks they are all gone. BUT he realizes people have his mark later on and it’s all cute and fluffy and YES. And people with his marks could be AJ Wilson, Cass Wilson, Peter Parker (if u want, its fun to write cause it’s brooding guy plus that personification of sunshines and rainbows), (and whoever else u want to add, personally I would do a OC or two because then you could make them easily fit into his character).

Natasha Romanoff: she doesn’t have any parental figures (duh) but she has this huge list of people she plays a parental role for (maybe even completely covering her arm if u want to do something like that). So she sees it as this terrifying thing because she ‘can’t be a good parent’ and thinks it’s some sick joke from the universe because she can’t have kids anymore. BUT she just is constantly there for kids and taking them in and giving them advice and just being a total mom𝚝𝚖. Just yes.

In conclusion: IronStrange and Supreme Family Supremacy

I’m like 85% sure Thor is asexual but his love language is physical touch.

NO BUT HEAR ME OUT.

HELP I AM IN LOVE WITH SO MANY FICTIONAL CHARACTERS AND THAT IS ONLY ONE SHOW

SAM WILSON, BUCKY BARNES, SARAH WILSON, SHARON CARTER, ELI BRADLEY, JOAQUIN TORRES, AND KARLI MORGENTHAU. ALL OF THEM. HELP.

Villain Sharon Carter😫

PLEASE YOUR HONOR SHE RADIATES HELA GODDESS OF DEATH VIBES BUT HUMAN VERSION. I AM BUT A SIMPLE PAN. I WAS NOT PLANNING ON FALLING THIS HARD BUT SHE COULD SHOOT ME IN THE STOMACH AND MY LAST WORDS WOULD BE THANK YOU. AND HER WALK- OHMYGOD SO POWERFUL- PLS ✨🔪RAIL🔪✨ ME.

when in fatws ep. 2- Bucky and Sam are talking about who might be the producer of the super serum and Bucky goes

“Sam, I think when Isaiah said my people-”

and Sam is just like

“damn it now I gotta deal with your toxic masculinity and internalized white supremacy. FUCK. Buck don’t read that deep into it”

and Bucky is just kinda

Ok listen... I have very few complaints about the MCU Movies. HOWEVER- my two biggest ones is that 1) The Triskelion didn’t play music in the elevator at all times and that 2) Peter Parker doesn’t call Nick Fury, Uncle Fury.

NO BUT LIKE HEAR ME OUT OK.

1. That would have made Fury bringing up the topic of elevator music so much less uncomfortable and weird and would have given him a great transition into Project Insight. “You know why we play music in here, Rogers?” “No” “Well my grandfather used to work as a....” BOOM IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD. PLUS THAT WOULD HAVE MADE STEVE’S ELEVATOR FIGHT SCENE SO MUCH BETTER. LIKE JUST IMAGINE THAT FIGHT HAPPENING WHILE ELEVATOR MUSIC WAS PLAYING. I WOULD HAVE SIMPLY STARTED CRYING-

WHY AM I JUST NOW FINDING OUT THAT IN THE WW2 ERA, “PUNK” ESSENTIALLY MEANT TWINK?

DO YALL KNOW HOW MANY TIMES BUCKY BARNES CALLED STEVE ROGERS THAT?

WHY AM I JUST NOW FIGURING OUT BUCKY WENT ALONG AND CALLED STEVE A TWINK ALL THE FUCKING TIME?

PLEASE- I LOVE THEM OHMYGOD

“YOUR A ~TWINK~.”

“YA’KNOW ~TWINK~, SOMETIMES I THINK YOU LIKE GETTING PUNCHED”

“COME ON ~TWINK~, WE ARE GONNA WATCH A MOVIE”

“I MEAN IT ~TWINK~, WHY YOU SO SET ON GETTING YOUR ASS BEAT IN BACK-ALLEYS.”

“HEY ~TWINK~, YOU WANNA GO TO CONEY ISLAND?”

NO YOU CANNOT SAY THOR IS YOUR FAVORITE AVENGER AND THEN PROCEED TO HATE CAROL. THEY ARE ESSENTIALLY THE SAME FUCKING PERSON BUT GENDER SWAPPED. JUST ADMIT YOU HAVE SOME PETTY ASS VERSION OF INTERNALIZED SEXISM AND MOVE ON. LIKE YOU CAN ARGUE THAT YOU DON’T NECESSARILY LIKE THEIR MOVIES BUT BOTH THEIR CHARACTERS ARE SOOO CHARISMATIC AND ENDEARING AND SWEET AND SNARKY. THEY JUST MAKE ME WANT TO SIMULTANEOUSLY FUCKING GIVE THEM A HUG THEN WRAP THEM IN A BLANKET AND LET THEM HIT ME WITH A GODDAMN CAR. YOU CAN ARGUE THAT CAPTAIN MARVEL’S WRITING OF THE MOVIE WAS SHIT BUT IT WAS MADE TO BE A PHASE ONE SORT OF MOVIE. AND IF YOU WATCH IT LIKE THAT IT WORKS SO WELL. AND YA I AGREE IT DOESN’T FIT WELL IN THE PHASE ITS ACTUALLY IN. BUT THE MOVIE IS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD AND DON’T EVEN SAY THE ACTING WAS BAD BECAUSE SHE WAS LITERALLY PLAYING A BRAINWASHED CHARACTER- THATS LIKE ARGUING THAT BUCKY FUCKING BARNES SHOULD HAVE SHOWN MORE EMOTIONS DURING CA:TWS. ALSO BACK TO PROVE MY POINT THAT CAROL AND THOR ARE THE SAME: THEY RADIATE THE SAME CHAOTIC HIMBO JOCK ENERGY BUT ARE ACTUALLY SMARTER THAN ANYONE GIVES THEM CREDIT FOR, THEY HAVE BOTH ROARED BACK WHEN SOMETHING/SOMEONE ROARED AT THEM IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING FIGHT, THEY BOTH HIDE THEIR PROBLEMS WITH STUPID REMARKS AND SMILES, THEY BOTH HAVE A TENDENCY TO ACT IRRATIONALLY BUT ARE ALWAYS WILLING TO HEAR SOMEONE OUT IF THE SITUATION SEEMS IFFY, SHOULD I GO ON???

I LITERALLY AM SO GONE FOR THEM DONT TALK TO ME-.

No but like look at them though. i am but a simple simp do not mind me.

Like dude most superheroes out there would NEVER have their superhero symbol as there mark. To explain:

Black Widow? deadly assassin you never see coming. heartless. ruthless. cutthroat. cold. calculating. manipulating. full of secrets. Natasha Romanoff? she’s a nerd. and a troll. makes dad jokes. she has a huge soft spot for kids. near genius level intellect. makes movie references at the most random times. if she realizes something is wrong with one of her friends she tries everything in her power to fix it and tries to not making it obvious that she cares. trusts her friends, her family, with her life. does everything she can to make up for the things she’s done before becoming a hero. tries to make bad situations funny to lighten the mood. She would have ballet shoes.

Captain America? symbol of truth and justice. a leader. strategist. soldier. dedicated. righteous. confident. Steve Rogers? sassy little shit from Brooklyn. will fight you in the back of an alley because you were being an ass. talented artist. relies on his friends and vise versa. isn’t afraid to ask for help. fucks with random people by doing stupid shit that no normal person could do. jumps into situations blind as long as he knows no one else will get hurt. self sacrificing. awkward as fuck. not used to attention. full of self-loathing. makes inappropriate jokes. in tune with his emotions. great judge of character. hates lying to people. He would have either boxing gloves or art supplies.

Iron-Man? genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. doesn’t seem care about anyone but himself. ex-war monger. sarcastic lovable asshole that likes to get on people’s nerves. extremely talented in the art of deception. Tony Stark? a dork. a huge dork. has anxiety attacks. stays up late building things in his workshop. makes impulsive decisions. somehow managed to be a pseudo-father two orphan boys who are so similar to him they could actually pass as his kids. amazing dad. constantly stressed out. practically drowning in guilt. mental stability way too similar to a jenga tower. hates the thought of becoming like his father. He would have something like a wrench or a toolbox.

Hulk? short tempered. destructive tendencies. easy to upset. doesn’t often listen to others. trusts the team but trusts himself more. Bruce Banner? a mess. just a ball of anxiety and depression. a doctor. wants to help people be safe. worlds leading expert in radiation. has an amazing sense of dry humor. tends to remain the voice of reason. knows his limits. can remain calm in tough situations. loyal friend who puts up with no bullshit from anyone, including said friends. He would have things like a pair of glasses or a beaker filled with chemicals.

The Winter Soldier? a ghost story. one of the worlds best assassins. quiet. brainwashed by hydra. the best sniper so far in history. deadly fighter. knows how to kill you in about a hundred different ways off the top of his head. haunted eyes. death glares. Bucky Barnes? very definition of a hot nerd. loves science, even if he doesn’t understand too much of it anymore. doesn’t really know what’s going on. dealing with ptsd from his time at hydra. a Hufflepuff, but hides his people skills behind glares. has the most snarky, passive aggressive, personality you have ever seen. trust issues a mile long. always has to have the final word. extremely stubborn. He would have something like a leather clad journal or a book.

The Scarlet Witch? extremely powerful. laser focused. unable to be distracted. fights like her life is on the line. badass. emotionless. Wanda Maximoff? loving. just wants some peace. tries her best. easily distracted. naturally caring personality. has a gen-z way of dealing with her life. super expressive personality. depressed. procrastinates. never wants to hurt anyone, but has either been forced to do so to save more lives or done so unintentionally. doesn’t let others hateful opinions affect her. amazing mom. She would have something like a pair of rings or that symbol that’s like this, :(: , the happy/sad thing.

Like mate, I could probally talk about this for hours. The only exceptions I can actually think of are:

Peter Parker, who is just as witty, charming, and awkward when not wearing the mask as he is when he does, only he is more confident in uniform.

Carol Danvers, who remains giving zero fucks and being a general chaotic badass no matter what she’s doing.

and

y’all can totally ignore this but new head canon:

Sam totally knows what he does to Bucky. So he just likes to be a teasing asshole occasionally because of that. Like pulling shit that can come off as accidental or not important and it’s just to get Bucky riled up and it always works. So to explain: I feel like we can all agree as a fandom that Bucky is a angry/chaotic bisexual, or something similar, because half of the shit that comes out of that mans mouth has no heterosexual explanation. NOT A SINGLE ONE. But anyways he definitely has feelings for Sam. Or at least some sort of physical attraction. And he plays it off by sorta acting like he hates him. (also he ACTUALLY hates J*hn W*lk*r and handles his hatred for him VERY differently than he handles his “hatred” for Sam and Sam totally realized this). Like look at the therapy scene (aside from all the trauma stuff). So first off SAM JUST FUCKING GRABBING BUCKY’S CHAIR (because Bucky was panicking and being awkward and it was getting overly chaotic even for them) AND SLIDING THEIR LEGS TOGETHER??? HOLY SHIT IT COULD TOTALLY BE PASSED OFF AS ANNOYANCE TO GET THE THERAPY OVER WITH BUT THEN- then Bucky makes a comment about them being close while he *bi panics* and Sam responses with, “That’s what you wanted right?” and you can fucking TELL he is trying not to smirk. And just inkgilnb- Bucky just kind of freezes it’s small but totally there. He trains his face to give off absolutely nothing but annoyance for a second and then the scene resumes. ANYWAYS I very much appreciate a good slow burn but this shit is making me micro-dissect scenes and read way too many fanfics so if they don’t hurry up and have a sharing-one-bed trope or something soon i might cry.