Weavercat

I posted that earlier to my facebook feed, and I’ll be honest…  When I did it I was kind of hoping it would encourage my friend who studied the life of Fred Rogers extensively to chime in because I knew he would have something pertinent to say.  I was not wrong.  

It’s a point of state pride. 

Olathe Sweet Corn (any of the bicolor varieties like ‘Lucious’ and ‘Tablesweet’ CO): Pretty damn good. Close to the Butter n’ Sugar in kernel size but it takes to being grilled or canned really well. Like it’s a good eating corn. It’s just good. But the season and expense is absurd.

Mirai (IL): This one is a toss-up. Mirai is just so perfect to eat. Like it’s just a delight (but expensive.) It does not stand up to being canned However, sliced kernals added to cornbread is.... magical. Add a Mirai cob to a cream-base for the BEST CORN CHOWDER.

Butter n’ Sugar (IL, IA, NE, CO): This is one of those...old fashioned bicolor sweetcorns. It’s what my mom, dad, aunts, uncles, and rest of our family loves. It’s like...classic sweetcorn. It’s just good. There is a place out on the mesa that does a really good Butter n’ Sugar. Like it will taste just like ‘Tablesweet’ but it holds up better for processing and freezing.

If I have a choice on a corn for multiple uses? Butter n’ Sugar. 

Olathe if I’m feeling like I NEED IT and I need to have it at least once a year. It’s flipping delish.

Mirai is at the bottom because...I can’t get it anymore. D:

COOKING - creativity is okay

BAKING - stick to the recipe (you can usually adjust sugar content to taste, though)

(With reference to this post here)

Required supplies:

Water

more than that.

I’m not kidding people die of dehydration more than anything else I’m talking 2 liters minimum.

snacks

first-aid and survival kit including after-bite, splint supplies and emergency signalling devices, and a thermal blanket.  I am absolutely not kidding people get lost a mile from the road and die of exposure.

Map, your phone won’t work more than a mile from city limits.

change of socks.

something iron.

an offering or three.  you might not need any, you might need all of them.

Etiquette:

Always close any gate you open. Even if the fence around it is gone.  Both from a spiritual perspective and becuase there’s a nonzero chance the farm isn’t abandoned and the livestock is lurking in the scrub.

Cattle will stare at you.  As long as they’re on the other side of the fence or river or ditch it’s fine.  If there’s no barrier you need to leave.  Range cattle fight coyotes and cougar and the worst of winter and don’t give a single fuck about you.

That’s not lore Range Cattle will fucking kill you.

Never approach any horse, but especially the ones without humans.  They’re either fae or feral and the odds of them eating your hands are about the same.

Drink your water.

There are Others in Colorado, but the relationship is not nearly so adversarial out here.  They’re like your neighbors but only sometimes corporeal.  Mind your manners and obey any posted signage and you’ll be fine.

posted signage includes trees fallen across paths or washed-out sections of trail (trail closed), bits of dead animal on stumps or fence posts (occupied, fuck off) and the smell of urine (Mountain lion or bear turn right the fuck around)

Don’t eat anything you find there unless you brought a permit for it with you.  Anyone who says you can forage on public land is a liar and going to get their ass poisoned or cursed.

If you did bring a permit, leave an offering anyway.  The Law of Man is not the same as The Law of Mountains and you need to pay taxes in both.

Salute magpies, and any bird larger than them.

Everyone going uphill yields going to everyone going downhill, regardless of whether or not they’re human or real.

If you’re over 7000 feet and you seem to have picked up another member to your party, it’s just the mountain wondering what’s happening.  It’s like bird watching for them.  Be polite, pick up your trash and call the mountain whatever name it gives you.

Drink your fucking water.

If you feel like you’re being followed, especially at dusk, you absolutely turn around and tell whatever’s behind you you know they’re there.  This is becuase it’s almost certainly coyotes and they need to be told to fuck off.  If you can see what’s following you, face it and walk calmly backwards towards civilization until it goes away or you’re back in your car.  If you can’t see what it is, tell it you’re headed home now, then you can turn back around and proceed calmly back from whence you came.

Do not, under any circumstances, run.

things that run are meant to be chased and everything up here is faster than you are.

also you’ll fall off a fucking cliff.

If you get back to the car or edge of the wild space and still feel like you’re being followed, check your shoes, pockets and any baggage for extras and leave them.  If you’re STILL being followed, they’re being rude and you’re allowed to chuck a rock at them.

I’m not kidding about the water.

Don’t go into any “abandoned” buildings because 1. there’s a nonzero chance the building isn’t actually abandoned and then you have to explain to the rancher what the fuck you’re doing on their land 2. if it is abandoned it’s probably structurally unstable 3. the only things inside are rattlesnakes and tetanus.

Exception to above: if you hear thunder, you’re close enough to be struck. you can step inside then, but do not touch anything, especially the building it’self.

You are encouraged to walk out to abandoned tractors and plowshares and touch them.  Don’t move them but stop to say hi and have some water.

If you find human remains, don’t panic.  If they’re out there, they wanted to be found.  Write down (you won’t be able to remember later, trust me) where you found them and inform the park service/police as soon as possible.

Drink your water.

Vertetebrate/Invertebrate Paleontology.

Paleontologists. I SWEAR. Liquor them up and you have the makings of a very nasty, very PERSONAL fight. I watched two grad students duke it out because one of their mentors wrote something nasty on a peer-reviewed paper of the other. 

Some movie needs “Exotic” animal noises for their spooky jungle scene or weird alien planet, but the sound team doesn’t know from animals, so there’s an Elk Bugling somewhere in The Amazon or Qualxon-5

Finding out that your sea-level friends start to pass out at 1,000 feet and realizing that you’ll have to meet them at the airport with oxygen cans or something.

Somehow forgetting, every year, then unpleasantly remembering after the first cold snap what single-digit humidity feels like when the water evaporates off your eyeballs.

No trick-or-treaters because the weather always sucks on Halloween

Completely Insane Tourist Questions ™: Large Animals And Geology Does Not Work Like That Edition.

Some places have all seasons in a day.  Some have them all in five minutes.  The Rockies have all four seasons in a quantum state where they all occur simultaneously.  Sunados.  Thundersnow. 70-degrees-and-pleasantly-sunny-but-also-hurricane-force-winds.  Having your house be under Drought, Flood, Wildfire and Blizzard warnings at the same time.  The Weather is Real like a deity and also an Asshole.

Knowing which choppers are flying into the regional hospital based on how long it takes them to find the damn pad.  Park Service knows what the fuck they’re doing. Air Force is lost as hell and spends like 20 minutes circling the neighborhood.

Calling the police becuase the oil-or-gas rig near your house is making weird noises and the company didn’t label it so you have to meet the sherrif in your lot and ride out there with them and hope to god it isn’t a natural gas leak becuase it doesn’t have a smell fresh out of the ground.

Bearmaggedon

Water-Rights-Related Murder

Long winded editorial rants written in Authentic Frontier Gibberish, which is different than Regular Whackadoodle Gibberish.  They attempt to write their accents in and make graphic references to field-dressing.

+ Also, never pronouncing certain Spanish words correctly. It’s not they don’t know....well, it’s that and most never took a basic Spanish class. Huerfano (War-feeno), Pueblo (Peuablo), Cuerna Verde (Kuni Verd)......they all get weird pronunciations.

+Also, warnings about Prospector Holes. Coloradoans do not go hiking in any areas where mining activity or towns were. You fall into an undiscovered hole (test-pit or Coyote hole) and you won’t be found until spring. 

An array of…ah…babirusorcs for my most wonderful DM @weavrrcat !