basically,

I shall prepare a stew for the wedding! Extra salt!

wait wait wait stew goblin wait

gnomes in a tree stump weeping with guilt as they turn their lollipops in the keyholes to arm and launch the intercontinental ballistic thistle

their commanding gnofficer standing behind them with a pine needle saying he won't hesitate to gnexecute them for defying a direct gnorder

official dnd post

no the fuck it isn't. go away

Official Gnomeo and Juliet post

you. keep talking

Yes, that is my circus, and, yes, those are my monkeys, but I am not on shift yet.

desired you while the women flee

all these clothing stores with their 'boyfriend shirts', 'boyfriend hoodies', 'boyfriend sweatpants', 'boyfriend shorts' - every two minutes someone's poor boyfriend is being divested of his clothes for resale and left cold and naked and confused somewhere

Everyone remember to reblog lots of untagged gay porn so your mutual’s family member sitting on the couch next to them can enjoy it too

Easily the most annoying kind of vampire in the world are the ones where you finally corner the fuckers and when you're going in with the stake they start spouting off sociology 101 bullshit to try and weasel out of it. "Oh, no ethical consumption under capitalism," "oh, the rich are the real vampires if you think about it-" yeah, yeah, you ate like fifty homeless people, asshole. Hold still

Okay but if you aren't a vegetarian your case against vampires is actually pretty weak.

I SAID HOLD STILL

(pa kent giving The Talk voice) see when a bull and a cow love each other very much, that’s how a calf is born [remembers his son came from space] of course if the bull comes from another farm, the cow might not end up taking, but that’s alright [remembers clark might be gay] sometimes bulls also love other bulls [remembers clark is an alien again] but if the bull is from another farm, he might have a calf if he fools around with bulls from here so he should be careful.

my friend took in a stray and she’s the cutest kitty ever but he named her oil so whenever he sends a picture of her me and my other friends look like we’re roleplaying as the US military

Darcy’s introduction in Pride and Prejudice is really ‘what if you had just had the worst month of your life because your ex-bestie tried to lover boy scam your baby sister out of her share of your dad’s life insurance and your friend dragged you to a shitty party in a dive bar in the neighbourhood where he’d just signed a short term lease, and you decided to let your bad mood show because you were never going to see any of the assholes in this stupid shitty bar EVER again. And your friend ended up making out with a girl he’d just met there while you were stuck talking to her sister who was less cute and then her mother appeared and started trying to matchmake and started saying how if she was twenty years younger she’d clime you like a redwood and ooooh is that a black Amex, guess the next round is on you hahhahahahaha, while her other sister (how many fucking sisters does she have?!) flashed an obviously fake ID at the bar and ordered six vodka-diet red bulls and no one in her family except the less-cute sister even tried to stop her. And you went home and consoled yourself that you would never see any of these people again but then you met them over and over again because they live next door and your friend and the cute sister keep meeting up to make out but not actually date and then. You fall in love with the less-cute sister because it turns out she’s really witty and charismatic but she already knows and remembers and resents the fact that on a day when you were in a shitty mood you called her mid out loud in a dive bar.’

do you think that a certain genre of queer person is so obsessively weird about pride flag discourse becuase their flags fill the gaping hole in their personality where a hogwarts house used to be

I suppose? You can just replace that with what kind of bender tribe you'd be, or if you're a Jedi or a Sith.

Personally I don't want to have my personality defined by any commercial property for preteens because I have a three-dimensional sense of self,

I'll do you one better, identify with your choice of lightsaber color and form you'd use~!

Personally I don't want to have my personality defined by any commercial property for preteens because I have a three-dimensional sense of self,

ok but power rangers are dope as hell and also are FREE to watch on youtube so tag yrself im light blue

Personally I don't want to have my personality defined by any commercial property for preteens because I have a three-dimensional sense of self,

Personally I don't want to have my eternal punishment defined by any futile boulders for kings because I have a three-dimensional sense of eternal torment,

“they were flirting with you” and how was i supposed to know such a thing when everyone speaks in codes and puzzles

you are doing some sort of riddler shit to me.

your unreliable narrator fucking bit me

thats not how they told it

Ain't my circus but I would know my monkeys anywhere.