If he catches me, I’ll…

If you don't have your own boyfriend, rented is fine I love this fanfic it's so good😭 Shen Yuan turned out looking way cooler than intended tho

Day 28: Transmigration

In reality he just broke his favourite mug (he and cwn had matching ones)

how it started

how it’s going

And it’s so short and underwhelming, this moment, but I can’t help but think it is quite tragic. Because either he can’t bear thinking about how he comes across to other people (thus seeing a mirror of what his personality is like), or… He is such a social chameleon, is so much whatever it takes to survive (aka receive Shizun’s attention and love, beat up anyone who disagrees) that he genuinely can’t tell who he is.

He’s an obedient disciple. He’s an unfillial beast. He’s a black-hearted lotus. He’s a white-hearted lotus. He’s a doting housewife husband. He’s a ruthless demon. He’s cunning and scheming. He’s cute and emotional. He’s powerful. He hates pain. He loves pain. He doesn’t care about his parents. He needs love to breathe. He’s a liar and manipulator. He doesn’t sugar coat his thoughts. He’s so powerful. He’s so vulnerable.

He himself can’t tell anymore what is most him in all of these mingled trauma responses, survival habits, needs, wants, beliefs. He just might be all of that at once.

But that’s too confusing for him to describe. He’d rather not think about it and just model himself after what gets him Shen Qingqiu’s love.