Walter Ophili

second guy i went to was in California and he said basically the same thing.  Color wouldn’t look good on or show up on my skin. blah blah blah…

so months later, i’m at a tattoo convention in LA and i walk past a booth featuring tattoo artists from Taiwan and i see this BEAUTIFUL phoenix that’s just… amazingly brightly colored and beautiful and the guy asks if i’m interested and i said something about it not looking as good in black and grey and he asked why i don’t just get it in color and i said the color won’t show and he PLEADED with me to let him show me he could do it.

and he did.

and it’s fucking amazing and bright after almost 8 years now of being on my skin… all the pinks and teals and yellows and oranges… all of it.  Still vibrant.

i went all the way to Taiwan years later just to get more added to it, and my leg done as well.

now, as soon as someone tries to tell me that they can’t put color on my skin, i disregard them and write them off.  Sometimes (depending on how stuck up they can be) i go ahead and lift my shirt and show them my side (and now legs, and now arms) that are fully colored and vibrant and BEAUTIFUL. 

and i hope it sets into their brain that just because THEY can’t do it, doesn’t mean it can’t be done.  

For ever reblog, I will give him

For ever reblog, I will give him

For ever reblog, I will give him

His helmet had this odd discolored patch on it. Like, white against white, but … weird? It’s then that I realized his helmet didn’t have a discolored patch, it had a patch missing. A big chunk of his helmet had just been shaved away, the curve of the helmet gone and sanded flat by whatever it had been scraped against. And running through that patch, from one side of the helmet to the other, was this big crack, like the whole helmet had split like an eggshell. 

Our teacher took a couple deep panting breaths and then told our class: “And this,” he took another deep breath, “is why you always wear your helmet”. 

if you have kids, you should make a point to keep up with how they’re doing in school, who their friends are, what they like to eat, what they can’t eat, their medications and why/when/how they take them, their daily routines, what their chores are and if they need any help with them, the interests that are important to them, the things they struggle with, etc., etc. 

you should have a rough idea of when your kid will need new glasses, when their last dental appointment was, how long they’ve been complaining about certain symptoms, what their usual mood is like at different times of the day so you NOTICE when something is wrong.

you should know how to listen to them and encourage them and you need to learn how to teach skills and good habits and motivate without instilling fear. you should know what makes them feel better when they’re sick and how to comfort them when they’re afraid or angry or sad.

if you’re the parent of an infant, you should make a point to learn how to tell what your baby needs. if they use formula, you should know what kind. you should know their nappy/diaper size and what products (powder/ointment/etc.) keep their bottom happy.

you should also be keeping track of when things your kid needs are running low, and making sure they are gotten in a timely manner.

if your children are members of oppressed groups you’re not part of – if you have a daughter, or a trans child and you’re cis, or an autistic child and you’re allistic, or a racialized child and you’re white, etc. – you need to take the time to research, to read what adults who share that trait say your kid needs. you need to actively support your child and help shield them from the hatred and enforced roles they will receive elsewhere.

these are the kinds of things a good parent does. you should not get a pass on being a good parent just because you’re a dude and you “don’t understand/aren’t good at that stuff”. this excuse is incredibly common and it is unacceptable.

women read parenting books, go on forums, talk to doctors, join parenting groups, ask other parents questions, and spend time with their children. we are not born with childcare knowledge any more than you are; it is work to learn these things. sometimes you will mess up. that is part of the learning process; it does not mean you “just don’t get that kind of thing” and should never have to do it again.

not only is it unfair to expect the women in your life to shoulder this work alone, but it is unfair to your children to be in their lives AS a parent but not do parenting work. Your kids need you. They need you to step up and LEARN to do the work that you haven’t been expected to do before.

Do you know how many people grow up and just… don’t have relationships with their fathers? maybe you don’t, either. it’s not always because these fathers were violent or mean or hateful. Sometimes it’s because they just never bothered to be parents or build a good relationship with their child. Don’t let your kids go through that. Don’t make them grow up with a mostly uninvolved stranger for a father.

And if you are not willing to do all this work, maybe you should plan to not have children, and take steps to make sure that you don’t. It isn’t acceptable to make a choice to bring a new human being into the world and take on a parenting role, then be around them only as a stranger.

There are different standards for motherhood and fatherhood, and that hurts children. What we think of as “motherhood” is mostly just good parenting for any gender, with extra dashes of self sacrifice because we expect women to be sole providers of certain kinds of work and care.

Here’s the thing, though: the societal standards for fatherhood are such that you can avoid doing literally all of the very basic work listed above and still be considered a pretty decent dad.

If you live with your kids or arrange regular visitation and are in the same room with them from time to time and talk to them casually without ever being abusive, most people will figure you’re doing a decent job. To be a deadbeat most people figure you have to completely abandon them or not pay part of their bills. Hell, you can even be abusive and people will say “Well at least he’s not a deadbeat! He does pay child support.”

I’m not saying you guys are ALL doing the bare minimum, but we do have this pervasive fiction that fathers are supposed to do different things than mothers, that there are two separate roles and one of them involves keeping up with day-to-day details and helping the kid with their emotional growth and basic needs, while the other involves making money, being kinda distant and occasionally “babysitting” or Teaching You Things About Cars/Camping/Other Man Stuff.

And it’s not fair. It’s not fair to anyone involved – the mothers who do extra work, the kids who don’t get to really know their dads, or the fathers who miss out on the full joys and complexities of parenthood.

This post isn’t MEANT for “deadbeat dads”. This post is meant for dads who genuinely want to be good parents but live in a society that tells them being a good parent is different for men. This post is a gentle encouragement to see your role in your children’s lives as bigger and more important, every bit as significant as a mother’s role and requiring every bit as much work.

You can get defensive, or you can look around and see if there are things you’ve been leaving for others to do because no one has ever expected that you would be interested in that part of your child’s life.

The documentary includes a brief clip of a 1954 televised newscast about the rise of homosexuality. The host of the program interviewed psychologists, a police officer, and one “known homosexual”. The “known homosexual” is 22 years old. He identifies himself as Curtis White, which is a pseudonym; his name is actually Dale Olson.

So I tracked down the newscast. According to what I can find, Dale Olson may have been the first gay man to appear openly on television and defend his sexual orientation. He explains that there’s nothing wrong with him mentally and he’s never been arrested. When asked whether he’d take a cure if it existed, he says no. When asked whether his family knows he’s gay, he says that they didn’t up until tonight, but he guesses they’re going to find out, and he’ll probably be fired from his job as well. So of course the host is like …why are you doing this interview then? and Dale Olson, cool as cucumber pie, says “I think that this way I can be a little useful to someone besides myself.”

1954. 22 years old. Balls of pure titanium.

Despite the pseudonym, Dale’s boss did indeed recognize him from the TV program, and he was promptly fired the next day. He wrote into ONE magazine six months later to reassure readers that he had gotten a new job at a higher salary.

Curious about what became of him, I looked into his life a little further. It turns out that he ultimately became a very successful publicity agent. He promoted the Rocky movies and Superman. Not only that, but get this: Dale represented Rock Hudson, and he was the person who convinced him to disclose that he had AIDS! He wrote the statement Rock read. And as we know, Rock Hudson’s disclosure had a very significant effect on the national conversation about AIDS in the U.S.

it isn’t said on tv. orange is the new black, for example, features a bisexual protagonist who points out the biphobia at one point in assuming she can’t be attracted to multiple genders, but no one Ever says the word and she is ignored and referred to as a straight girl or a lesbian depending on the situation

other bisexual characters later turn out to have been Really Monosexual All Along. or are attractive, promiscuous women with commitment issues

this isn’t a coincidence.

people who are attracted to multiple genders, when asked about it, often describe themselves as “Fluid”. “I’d rather not label it.” “I don’t need to define it.” “It’s just whatever.” as if people are afraid of even implying the b word

this isn’t a coincidence.

the word ‘bisexual’ gets you different reactions in different places. straight people think you’re either faking for attention or a deviant. straight men are afraid of bi men and think bi women are just particularly promiscuous straight girls who want to have threesomes with them

gay men accuse bi men of being in the closet. lesbians accuse bi women of being straight girls going through a phase. and the ones who don’t do either of these things still often assume bisexuals are promiscuous, indecisive, and can’t settle down.

the theme throughout is that bisexually is illegitimate, deceptive, and always a front for something else.

this isn’t a coincidence

people are constantly encouraged to ‘settle down’, to ‘just pick one’, to ‘not be greedy’. abandon bisexuality. you’re really gay. you’re really straight. you’re too young. how can you know you’re bisexual at 16? 18? 20? 25?

this isn’t a coincidence

the word ‘bisexuality’ is constantly, persistently manipulated, by people who aren’t bisexual at all. the meaning twisted on shallow rationale. accused of being transphobic, or of being exclusionary. this has been happening for over 20 years now despite the existence of outspoken trans and/or non-binary bisexuals. whatever they can do to make you not say the word. pick a different one.

this isn’t a coincidence

bisexual people - whether implied or literally, deliberately saying they are bisexual using the word - are constantly rewritten as gay or as straight. gay icon. he was never interested in men. bi actor comes out? headlines say ‘came out as gay’, or articles outright ignore it

For ever reblog, I will give him