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Love Begins
Peter Solarz
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@imaginarydeadguy

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On a twinned soul.
Like me, he travels quiet. He tries not to watch me constantly, but it's not like I would mind much if he did. He keeps the rest of me company.
Last night, Ardbert and I slept half-overlapped. It's so much easier to walk forward, now, I think. We keep our footfalls in time. One foot in front of the other, with half the weight.
It must have been designed to happen this wayā "fated to meet" but without the fate part. I think perhaps this comical burden of ours must needs be shared.
I still haven't told anybody, not in any real way. Other people don't need to understand it, and, no matter how much it grates against my nature, neither do I. It's alright.
In the blackest nights, on the edge of hearing, I fall asleep to the conversations of two dead men and a little boy.
On the Exarch.
Sleeping beauty. Bloody fool. All alone in his tower. If I never see him again, I will never forgive myself for not ripping that hood off the moment I suspected it was him. He needed to know that I saw him. I saw him. Not from above, like a statue on plinth. Not from below, in the pages of a faerie tale. Eye to eye. He idolized me before anybody else did, and I forgive him for everything, all of it.
If I do see him again, it'll be when he kills me. I hope I'm too far gone by then to know.
On namedays.
As of yesterday, I am twenty and seven.
The Scions my friends put together a little celebration. I specifically requested for it to be private, and not some grand feast; in fact, I asked for it not to be at mealtime at all. I know that's customary, but I can't stand that sort of thing these days. We just sat in the Rising Stones and told each other stories.
Namedays are strange. When my friends spoke to me about celebrating mine, I felt... ashamed, though I can't imagine what for.
In my family, a nameday was celebrated with food. No delicacies or anything, just plenty. Plenty was a special thing.
It wasn't as though we were starving. We found our ways. Even when resources dwindledā and they always didā my grandmother would never let us think of ourselves as poor or destitute.Ā I am told we used to be nobility, the clan of Calumistre. This would have been long, long past, in the days of a thriving Gelmorra, of courseā by the time my siblings and I came around, all we had were eighth, ninth, tenth-hand retellings.

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On dark knighthood.
I thought I was getting better, you know. After the dragon ripped the Echo out of me, I stopped receiving its visions. Some part of me did appreciate the breakā I don't know how long it had been since I'd spent a full day in control of my own head. One day where time and space and aether are all lined up, like they're supposed to be. I thought I was keeping that streak going.
I thought Fray was really here. That was stupid of me.
I love that the Dark Knight quests give you an idea of where they're going, then just to make sure you get it they start throwing out the we pronouns. Shit, if I had a nickel for every time a major part of my psyche manifested as a villain I had to physically fight, I would have two nickels, which wouldn't even buy me the therapy I'm going to need.
Inspired by that WoL qotd before: Aero's thoughts on larboard.
someone explain to me why this song is soā¦.GENDERā¢
am i the only one that constantly has the urge to diagnose fictional characters with mental disorders i probably have
just me? ok

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very few characters actually have adhd in media, and when they do, what people mean by that is just that they fidget a lot, not that they have adhd. the only character with adhd I can think of where Iāve watched/read it and Iāve gone, āoh, this character actually has adhdā is Jake peralta from Brooklyn 99. so, hereās my take on how to write adhd, with examples from Brooklyn 99.
Iāll do the best I can to separate them into three categories; the three things people look for in adults with ADHD, which are rejection sensitivity dysphoria, an interest-based nervous system, and emotional hyperarousal.
Iāll also randomly bold and italicize bits so people with ADHD can actually read it.
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, or RSD
Rejection sensitivity dysphoria makes people with ADHD overly sensitive to criticism, even if they perceive a rejection and there actually isnāt one. Their emotions are also very strong generally. Because of RSD, people with ADHD become people-pleasers and can develop anxiety because theyāre so eager to please.
For me, RSD makes me cry an embarrassing amount for any little reason. in your writing, make your characters overdramatic, criers, and/or people-pleasers. Theyāll have trouble saying no. They may also be over competitive, as their perceived rejection may include losing.
how does Jake show this in b99? When Jake comes up with a catchphrase and Rosa says itās terrible, jake is far more hurt than he should be. He hates losing, and he gets overly upset whenever someone says they donāt like him or donāt trust him, etc. heās also a people pleaser who has trouble saying no.
An interest-based nervous system
An interest-based nervous system includes hyperfocuses and an inability to pay attention. It stems from the fact that we canāt make as much dopamine as neurotypicals. This means that while neurotypicals get dopamine after completing a task, people with ADHD donāt. That means that people with ADHD donāt have any reason to do tasks, especially those they donāt like. This leads to executive dysfunctionāpeople with ADHD will know they have to or want to do something, but they canāt seem to do it. people with ADHD hyperfocus on things that bring them dopamine. I was obsessed with warrior cats for three years. But hyperfocuses can also last a short amount of timeāIāll have a drawing idea in the middle of class and wonāt be able to concentrate on anything else before I finish it. this is where our impulsiveness comes from. we can leap into things we think will give us dopamine without thinking, which can lead to injury. We also tend to tell people personal things they donāt want to hear because of this, and donāt have very good boundaries. We sometimes say whatever comes into our head, which can also result in us being rude on accident. Our voices can also get very loud or we can interrupt people frequently because weāre so impulsive. When people with ADHD hyperfocus, they can forget about anything else. Iāll forget to eat if Iām busy reading a Wikipedia article about feminism in the 1850s, and wonāt go to the bathroom or drink water either. Itās also important to note that taking away distractions doesnāt help, because we can do things like pick at our skin and daydreamāsomething that people with ADHD do a lot of. Because of executive dysfunction, people can call people with ADHD lazy or irresponsible.
people with ADHD can also be extremely indecisive because ADHD affects our executive functioning, and making decisions requires planning and prioritizing, and task initiation, which are both executive functions!
people with ADHD also have poor memory for important things, but tend to remember random bits of trivia. Poor memory leads to object permanence problems, which means people with ADHD can forget to call a friend back for weeks, forget that they need to read library books in a closed cabinet, or forget that the vegetables they got will go bad. People can sometimes say that people with ADHD donāt care about anything because of this.
people with ADHD can also be prone to depression because of under or overstimulation. Boredom feels painful for people with ADHD. If weāre overstimulated, we can experience sensory overloadāif things are too bright or too loud, if too many things are touching us at onceāoften itās not because the thing is too intense, but because too many things are happening at once.
We also have something some people call dolphin brain, where we jump from one thing to another. From the outside, it looks really random, but I find that when Iām talking to another neurodivergent communication is generally easier. For instance, someone with ADHD might see a bee at a baseball field and tell their team about the time they saw whales at seaworld because their little brother was also stung by a wasp there. people will see no connection on the outside, but it makes perfect sense to the person with ADHD.
people with ADHD can also be overachievers, either because they hyperfocus on schoolwork or their RSD makes it so that failing at something isnāt an option. people with ADHD can also be very controlling and stubborn, probably because we hyperfocus on something and cant handle it being any different, and any change to our plans can be seen as rejection.
we can also have a hard time ordering our thoughts or doing stuff like math in our head. a lot of the time I number my thoughts like, 1. this reason, 2. this reason, etc. even if theres only two or sometimes I just need the 1. as a transition for my brain. when I donāt write it down or organize it like that it feels like Iām trying to grasp ropes that have been covered in oil (itās not going to happen) and then my brain gets all jumbled and I have to restart at the beginning. this is probably just me, but it feels the same way when Iām reading long paragraphs of something uninteresting, or even short bits of historical documents because the way they phrase things is really pompous and hard to process.
also, stuff like caffeine calms us down and helps us focus. people who donāt take medication (me) often drink coffee or caffeinated sodas to focus.
another random tip, but if your character with ADHD also is genderfluid or genderflux, they might have a hard time figuring out their gender sometimes, because we can be known to have a hard time putting our feelings into words or our brains will just go, ānope, not thinking about that right nowā and move on, which can be pretty frustrating.
people with adhd also have a trait called time blindness, where we have no idea how long something takes and therefore canāt manage our time very well. this often results in us being late or just sitting around the house because we got ready way too early.
we also have something called consequence blindnessāwe do things and are completely unaware of the consequences. if I donāt brush my teeth, I get cavities. but I donāt think about that when Iām deciding Iām too tired to brush my teeth.
in b99, jake regularly stays up all night solving cases and watches documentaries on random topics. Heās also very distractibleāwhen theyāre trying to find the person who sent Captain Holt death threats in the train yard, Jake says he and captain holt should take a train trip together sometime. Jake says that heāll forget Amy if they don't work together because heās like a goldfish.
Emotional hyperarousal
This is the only thing people tend to include when writing characters: the fidgeting. People with ADHD tend to need more stimulation than others, so weāll do things like draw during class and chew on pens.
people with ADHD can also have apd, or auditory processing disorder. we tend to watch shows with subtitles on and may take a second to process what youāre saying, or hear it wrong. The subtitles thing may be partially do to creating just the right amount of stimulation, but if I donāt have subtitles, me and my other friends with ADHD will watch tv with the volume turned up very high. People with ADHD also can have a hard time interpreting other peopleās tone and have a hard time controlling their own. They can be bad at social cues and have poor manners because we donāt pick up on that stuff.
people with ADHD also tend to observe everything or nothing at any given time, mostly based on the amount of stimulation they haveāif they dont have a lot in their main task, theyāll need to take in something else at the same time. Likewise, if Iām hyperfocusing on something I often donāt notice anything else, like if someone asks me a question.
in b99, Jake fidgets with things a lot. In the intro, heās picking up and examining a figurine on his desk, likely because he was bored with paperwork or some other task.
new who fans: i like david tennant :)
classic who fans: if you just ignore the crappy special effects, The Doctor Goes To Racisttown is actually really good
audios fans: personally if a romance doesn't involve gore i don't want to hear about it
book fans: listen if you just read these 92 out of print books, half of which are hot garbage and the other half of which are the best thing you've ever read, you will unlock the secrets of the universe and homosexuality
faction paradox fans: signifiers and symbols no longer mean anything
torchwood fans: if it isnāt sad enough to make me cry or horrific enough to keep me awake at night i donāt wanna hear about it
Hello please reblog this if youāre okay with people sending you random asks to get to know you better
i donāt see people talking about this enough so hereās some characters i relate to as someone with BPD:ļæ¼
ļæ¼
owen harper (torchwood)
bojack horseman
neil watts (to the moon/sigcorp)
cloud strife (ffvii)
jinx (arcane)
crowley (good omens)
why did i have to be trans AND have bpd

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beta server stress test going on so we are now the beatles
-dbh spoiler below-
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iām fully convinced that post game alice just swaps out her parts to grow bigger like in robots