just trying

Neurodivergent problems:

I really just have to summarize Thomas's entire life:

He was in a committed relationship with a male swan named Henry for 18-24 years before a female swan named Henrietta showed up and mated with Henry.

Thomas was initially jealous of the pair and attacked them, breaking 2 of the 5 eggs Henrietta had laid. However, once the remaining eggs hatched, Thomas warmed up to them and helped raise them.

Henry couldn't fly because of an injured wing, so Thomas taught the cygnets how to fly.

When they needed to reduce the goose population in the pond where Thomas and the swans lived, they dyed Thomas's feathers red so he wouldn't be separated from Henry.

Henry, Henrietta, and Thomas remained in their happy throuple for years and raised 68 cygnets before Henry died in 2009. After Henry's death, Henrietta found another swan and flew away, leaving Thomas alone.

Thomas finally met and mated with a female goose in 2011 and had his own babies. However, another goose named George stole them and raised them himself.

As Thomas grew elderly and blind, he was relocated to a wildlife center where he raised orphaned cygnets.

His caretaker at the center described him as "pretty high maintenance."

Thomas died in 2018 at the age of around 40. He had a funeral that included a small coffin and a procession that was led by a bagpiper. He was buried under the stone where Henry was buried, the two finally reunited in death.

If You Think You Would Enjoy:

First person narration that Does Something Cool With It

Urban fantasy that really leans into the urban aspect. The mundane beauty of the city made magical

London Man Investigates His Own Murder While Committing Several More Murders, more at 8

A protagonist who is just an absolute wet pathetic paper bag of a man and knows it

A protagonist(s) who are the exuberant and unhinged personification of telecommunications technology with an unparalleled zest for life and also sometimes murder

Both of those characters are technically the same person

The most breathtakingly gorgeous prose that has ever been used to describe a magically animated pile of garbage

A tone that I feel can reasonably be described as “gritty,” with its refusal to shy away from the blood and grime of reality, but that is also suffused with a deep unflinching love for everything that humanity is

A supporting cast that includes many of the world’s weirdest and most badass women

The protagonist getting beat up and/or stabbed and/or shot and almost dying at least twice per book

A reading experience not quite like any you have seen before or since

Then You Should Read:

The Matthew Swift series by Kate Griffin, starting with A Madness of Angels

If you love the city of London, you will love this book. If you have never been to the city of London, this book will show you what it looks like through the eyes of someone who loves it.

(And also what it looks like when embodied as a giant dragon made of street signs.)

I cannot emphasize enough the gorgeousness of this prose, the geniusness of the urban magic system, and the amount of love for London and for humanity that oozes out of this book. I am also fully convinced that Matthew Swift would be a tumblr blorbo if his books were not mostly out of print and very niche.

It can be a bit hard to get your hands on a physical copy—try thriftbooks or another online used bookseller, or call your friendly neighborhood bookstore and see if they can order it for you. Or just go for an ebook (maybe your library has it on Libby). It is absolutely worth the trouble.

Brief content note while I have you here: There is a fair amount of violence and it is sometimes very lovingly described. Also...don’t get too attached to side characters.

anyway i wanted a memento of my first pride, you know, and this one vendor was selling keyrings, and i liked it, so i bought one. do you remember those italian charm bracelets that were all the rage like 10-15 years ago? it was a keychain like that, and it had a rainbow rooster, a rainbow cat, and then just a rainbow, and so I bought it.

i run into my mom a couple of vendors over and she goes oh you bought something? what’d you get? so i showed her, and i was like, “I’m not sure why it’s a rooster and a cat. Seems kind of random. But I liked the rainbows.”

and my mom, who was some form of minister’s wife for most of my childhood and teenagerhood, stares at me like she thinks i’m joking.

“What?” i say.

…relic…