On Jimothy, disability, representation in my art, etc:
Ok... let me apologize in advance. Whenever I get to the where point I feel the urge to write out and just brain dump all the everything-in-my-head, I know it's going to be a LOOONG post. I'm sorry for that. Being succinct feels impossible for me.
The other day, I drew Jimothy fanart. Yes. I did the thing soo many other artists are doing right now: drawing a current 'celebrity' animal. And then... I just posted it as is. There were no extra thoughts shared. I just wanted to portray this little raccoon in my art and style and share that with others who currently had learned of Jimothy.
Should I go into detail? (I often don't in the general public space, and sometimes do on my Patreon for my paid tier members). Seeing especially the videos of baby Jimothy with his mom and siblings has given me a moment of warm fuzzies. His mom is so gentle and caring, helping him in ways she doesn't have to help his siblings. She carries him carefully as they walk along the top of a tall fence.
I grew up in a very psychologically/emotionally/spiritually abusive household. My mom in particular, whom I am no contact with now, was terrible in so many ways. And as an undiagnosed autistic/adhd/+ queer, POC-in-the-evangelical-white-south kid, I had to survive that environment (along with my siblings).
I often get struck right in the heart when I see things like parents being kind to their kids. Parents being supportive. Understanding. Parents who might struggle with something, but ultimately they decide their love for their kid and their desire for their kid to genuinely thrive is bigger than their struggle. It's so wonderful to see, and so terrible to see. It hurts so bad, yet I am so happy for those kids.
Also, if you haven't noticed. I depict a LOT of things using animals (in this case, I mean non-human animals). There's a reason I choose animals. It's easier for me to convey things I want without feeling like it's getting caught on or snagged by other things. Depicting human stuff via animals let's me strip off certain characteristics that would potentially be a barrier for people who might otherwise see themselves in the piece I share.
Jimothy... is an animal. Jimothy has disabilities. Jimothy's mom, unlike mine, chose to be gentle and tailor her care to his condition and specific needs. My mom didn't do that. There are other things I could explain too, but hopefully a few examples of what made me "feel something" when it came to this raccoon will suffice for now.
I shared my art, knowing that there were others who found some sort of positive SOMETHING related to knowing about this raccoon. So much of my Hello We Are Rats stuff is packed full of layers of thought and meaning. I often try to depict so much in a bite-sized format. But, honestly? I just wanted to draw Jimothy.
I did follow it up in my stories, which I know VERY few people actually watch, with some other thoughts I have about it all. "If only disabled humans were embraced so easily." I also shared others' posts too that captured a more social/political take.
A few people asked me about prints and shirts when it came to the Jimothy fan art. I told them I'd put them up in my shop for them. If people feel something positive and warm, and my art can help be a container for that, I thought I could provide them the tangible pieces for them to enjoy it.
Plus... if I'm honest... I'm a full-time artist who is barely pulling in anything. I used to be more focused on merch through a few other brands / comic brands I have. I have a love hate relationship with merch. I love creating things that people will enjoy and love and want. I hate adding to overconsumption and waste. I hate marketing and pushing for sales. I wish I could just present what I have so those who want the things can get them, and that's it. I wish, so much, I could just focus primarily on creating content and being paid for that content. But alas, when your business relies so heavily on the internet, and essentially requires you to create content for "free" / "free to consume," it's HARD.
I woke up this morning to someone accusing me of profiting off a disabled raccoon and that I "can't be bothered to represent disability when asked." They decided to then leave a negative review on my page with these thoughts, and share my Jimothy art with a long write up essentially saying that "people with platforms" claim to care about opression and progress and instead "do this shit" instead of being anti-ableist. Followed up with, "This is why disabled people die everyday, first, get erased by everyone, but ohh a cute racoon who doesn't require me to work at all!!!!"
When I replied to their direct comment on my post, they seem to feel entitled to the way I create my work and what I depict, as they're angry at me for not having essentially fulfilled their request for content thus far. They also seem entitled to how I respond or don't respond to their engagement on my posts. They said I made time to reply to the people around their comment and couldn't even push a button in response to them.
Yet, ironically, the posts they made were partly saying how Patreon is not accessible to them (I was trying to direct people to leave comments on a free Patreon post of mine) due to limited energy and function. Their whole post was about disability, and they seem to understand how disability can impact people; and yet there's zero consideration, it feels, for someone (me) being disabled and trying to manage and run "a platform" on their own. (For the record, I reacted to a single comment on that post. I also responded to a single person who wasn't sharing their stories as I asked, but was more discussing my issue about posting links and how Facebook limits reach if you do.)
I have other thoughts and feelings about their original comment, which I chose to leave alone and not make a thing out of... and, for now, I will choose to leave alone still. It's a separate thing.
Here's the thing: Even if I absolutely hate the way they approached addressing me with their concerns, I recognize that does not mean an argument is invalid. And so... I do what I always do. I've been spending the day anxiously processing all this in my head, looking at even more stuff, and trying to decide whether I really am all the bad things they claim I am.
Yes. The fact that I responded to people who asked for merch featuring my illustration of Jimothy does mean that I am capitalizing on it. That's sadly the truth. But also... please explain to me how I'm supposed to pay the bills while also getting to ALL the different content and representation people want to see in a timely manner. What should I do to have ANY income? Because for the last 3ish + years, and beyond that in many ways, I haven't been earning a living wage. I am SO FORTUNATE I have/had people in my life who have been massively integral to keeping me from being homeless. They are the ones who are really funding my art that I share for free.
What art can I sell so that I don't get yelled at? I have prints of my queer art. I have a print about Palestine. Am I exploiting all of those communities and peoples because I'm trying to afford to continue to create the art about them? Because I put prints in my shop after being asked if they're available because people felt touched by the piece?
Or maybe... I should just stop making social/political art so that I can lean more into selling the art, right?? That's the solve, right? I feel bad every time I remind people quietly in small corners of my internet space (like my stories) that I have a Patreon, and that those members are generously being the ones funding my content. I feel bad whenever I remind people I have a shop (that gets, currently, maybe one order every month or two.) I hate capitalism too–and maybe this is a cop out to say all this–but I don't know what I'm supposed to do to survive it if I'm expected to be the representation for everyone, but also I better not be making any money off it, or else I'm evil and exploitive.
I get it. I get that there are complex feelings. I get that there's anger. Bitterness. Hurt. I spent and spend my life navigating all that. I get that there are many who feel like nobody should be emotionally embracing Jimothy. I get that the social embracing of him also unfortunately can put him at risk. But... a lot of these communities... the queer community... the disability community... they're not monoliths... People feel different ways about these things...
And maybe that's an excuse. Maybe what I'm doing and trying to explain away really is all wrong and bad. And that is part of why I'm making this post. Because... at the end of the day, I'm ALWAYS turning the lens in on myself and scrutinizing myself. And I want to be open to hearing from others who are part of the communities that I get accused of negatively impacting.
It doesn't matter, in a sense, that I am part of these groups too. I don't think belonging to something means you are incapable of causing harm for those communities. But it does really sting that it feels like lately... it's people who "are on the same side" as me accusing me of hurting the communities I care about and try hard to represent.
So yes. I'm opening myself up for thoughts and feedback. Though I'd prefer it be a little gentler than the feedback that inspired this post, if you feel generous...
Lastly, I'm realizing I forgot to mention this. On disability representation in my work: after this post, I will post up a collection of comics that have that in it. I may not have made a blatantly spelled out disability post since this person made the request, but part of it is because 1) I've been including disability representation even when the posts aren't specifically focused on it, 2) I think it can be argued that a LOT of my comics, including recent ones, are representing invisible/developmental disabilities. Like most of my comics, I often don't spell it out (for reasons), and 3) prior to the year and a half where I was completely offline due to my own... disabilities... I also spent a long chunk of time primarily creating content focused on Palestine.
It just feels kind of ironic to be essentially screamed at for not representing disabled people while also being asked to recognize someone's limits due to their disability, but I'm not given any room for how my disability has and does impact my work and output too...
Anyway... I hope those of you who've been around and have probably experienced at least one or two of my posts of this nature will be honest with me. I don't claim to be infallible, and I am always trying to grow, even if it sucks sometimes. But I hope, also, that my heart comes through in my work, my words, what I share, etc. Regardless, intention only goes so far. I care about my impact and do my best to be rigorously critical of what I create and share with you all...
(Yeah, it's long AF. I'm sorry. This is why I draw bite-sized comics instead of write for you all... 🫠. I'm sorry I don't have alt text for all this... It's been a day...)
