I know many useless facts.

I would like to state for the record i’ve ignored this post the last 50 times i’ve seen it bc i thought it would be some hyper cutsie anime girl voice and i’m overjoyed to report it is instead Weapons Grade Miku complete with war horns that fuck

literally the worst way of ending a series is “all the survivors are happily straight married with tons and tons of babies!” 

people still getting mad at this post i made in 2014 so I will add here. in 2026. that the point of this post isn’t “happy endings bad” its when the story’s only way to imagine a happy ending is a heterosexual nuclear family for everyone.

just saw a chair so photogenic I had to reevaluate my feelings towards plastic furniture

Put a hat on it and ask it to bust myths.

Actually no how the fuck is it august

Happy “how the fuck is it august” to those who celebrate!

it's cool how in the 6 years since this tweet was written it's become significantly less useful not because anything has gotten better but because the majority of products on Amazon are now from fly-by-night brands called "ZZPORK" and "GLUM4PANT"

putting ketchup on fries is too permanent for me … i have to dip . i control the sauce

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

have you guys ever seen a crocodile with its fingies out

"why does this nonsexual power dynamic sound so sexual" i have some news for you about the dominant social relationship between sex and power

i am also a corrosive pervert. that's not relevant right now though.

there’s something so fucking magical about bookstores and libraries