cc finds

“Profession: King (deceased)”

If bro ever decides to come back to life, he's all set and in the system

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saw a post that said "guy (gender neutral)" and my brain immediately went like hmmm what would a gender neutral version of guy/gal be, maybe I can combine the two words and make something silly looking, so I opened up my notes app and wrote down the word "gay" and stared at it for a solid 10 seconds before remembering that's already a word

Gul.

Investing in this post early will send my children to college

it sucks so bad that 'lightning magic' in every media is just some pathetic little strands of electricity. i wanna see some LIGHTNING. show me a magic setting where lightning magic lights up a room like the sun, and the bolt is only visible as an afterimage burned into your vision. I wanna see someone cast lightning and have the thunder rattling the room and shaking everyone to their core. i want lightning magic to be a split second blast of so much power it leaves everyone's senses reeling. c'mon guys don't you know what real lightning looks like? we can be doing so much better than this.

HAPPY FAGTOBER EVERYBODY

I think the funniest student-mentor dynamic that's possible is "you're like the caring parent that I never had" and "I chose to never have children because I knew they would just turn out all fucked up. Wait shit."

the curse of summer is buying and eating an inadvisable amount of fruit in single sittings.

No I’m not attracted to you. Quit your evil putting your finger under my chin to make me look up at you. I know I’m your nemesis and all but we really need to set some boundaries when you’ve got me tied up like this.

No look I get it. You’ve got your evil plan, you’ve gotta get me out of the way but you also want to see me suffer as I watch the world burn, I know. But like, I’m not into this. Sexually or otherwise. Wait, you thought I was doing this because I liked you? I’m trying to stop you from using a death laser. No I don’t think death lasers are sexy what on earth are you talking about

Wait. That’s why you dress like that? I thought that armor was impractical. No I don’t find our relationship to be homoerotic I find it to be tedious. Look, man. We all keep trying to get you into therapy. No I’m not kink shaming you I’m saying you’ve completely misinterpreted this relationship. I actually do think you should answer for your war crimes. Yes, really. No you’re the one not listening to me in this situation. Yes that is the alarm the others will have cut all your wires and called in the fbi by now.

What do you mean you thought we had something special? I have other enemies. You’re not the only one. No I’m not doing kinky things with them either I blow up their nefarious devices. Speaking of which, you might want to move like… ten feet to your right.

The henchmen in the tags who have been assuring the villain since the beginning that “of course he likes you back, why else would he keep coming to destroy your death lasers”

The henchmen have been reading too many romance novels.

Awfully defensive are we? I think the henchmen are onto something.

You know I didn’t intend for this character I made up to be aromantic but this whole post has turned into being arospec at a family reunion simulator

is that simple task bothering you queen

it. it ends in 50 years…..horse is fucking eternal

Let’s keep the post circulating for 50 years it’ll be great when we’re all in the old folks home

getting run through with a blade is analogous to getting the strap though this we cannot refute