AMOUT OF SLEEP: 4

No… I’m actually more interested in making porn of your bitmoji instead of having real sex with you. Um, you can go home now thanks

people throw in "not trying to be rude" at the end of the rudest thing you've ever heard as if they're trying to go "no homo" after sucking the balls too

Growing up thinking ur childhood home is haunted turns out black mold was just everywhere

Now i check for black mold whenever i feel a bit spiritually scared when walking into a place and basically you’ll be finding black mold

guy who gets a pepsi from the break room vending machine every day after his work shift & amiably says “gotta have a pepsi!” while grinning & passing it back & forth between his hands but one day the pepsi is sold out & he leaves the building robotically with a completely flat expression & isn’t seen at work again

i got a crick in my neck. *trying to get my doctors attention, SHE’s not looking up from her clipboard* hey i have a Nostalgia Crick in my neck

cmon man, think like a , think like a chuuud, act like a woke *trying to corral a medium sized brown mammal into the corner*

I am the surgeon & I am the patient & I am the technician handing over the scalpel & I am the scalpel & I am the pervert touching themselves in the corner

Smoking on that we'd

I'm out of weed so I have to smoke thw one that makea me scared