Zanderia

#the reason that lab safety regulations are the way they are is because literally all chemists are like this #as in 100% of them #no exceptions (via @prokopetz)

My grandfather got the GI bill after the war and decided to become a chemist. He was a year into his degree when he spilled something on himself in the lab. The way he told it, he watched whatever it was start to dissolve the leather apron he was wearing, thought about what it might be doing to his lungs, and after calmly removing the apron, became an architect instead. I think chemists are Like That because the sane ones all self-selected out of the pool.

Survivorship bias

Hey Derin what the fuck

If I were an evil empress then I would execute people via an esoteric mind blast power where I'd lead them into a room and burn away their personalities and memories until they were an empty vessel and then send them home to their families, newly innocent and pardoned, where they'd have to be taught who they were and how to live from the ground up like a baby. (Or abandoned, I suppose, depending on the family.) Except I wouldn't actually have any such powers. I'd have a shapeshifting power that I'd use to turn my enemies into a piece of furniture and turn that piece of furniture into them, then send home a polymorphed candlestick or whatever for their family to dote on while my enemy goes on the table to hold candles for the rest of their 'life'.

Derin, respectfully, what the actual fuck.

People are always saying this to me

Nah I get it Derin. I mean if I really wanted the evil badge to hang on my emperor wall I'd have to slowly build up a tolerance to certain toxins in all of my peasants by dosing their home water supplies individually with a team of agents. Making sure that they all follow strict health guidelines for feeding water gradually to small children after birth. Once they reach dependency on it they would no longer be able to leave the empire without suffering withdrawals while dehydrating because they can no longer stomach clean water without the toxin. Then I can do whatever I like with them. All the while, I'll spread propaganda that once someone moves to live in the empire they never leave because it's so great. Eventually everyone would be convinced that the water outside the empire is filthy and everyone will want to live under my rule, enduring whatever tortures I convince them are necessary for society to function with their clean water.

I know where they got their shoelaces. 👀

was it the children's hospital?

ask the horse

A witch has cast a curse on the royal family to "make them as ugly on the outside as they are on the inside." She is shocked to return later and discover that they've all become extraordinarily beautiful.

If you’re willing, reblog once you’ve voted!

Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?

decay exists as an extant form of life

That’s a terrifying answer, have a nice day

World Heritage Post

Hot take for the day: Doomerism is complying in advance.

I wish they could invent a medical device that temporarily transfers your symptoms and pain to the doctor treating you and it worked like a shock collar. “I think light exercise would-.” and then bam they’re rolling around the floor clutching their stomach in agony and dry heaving.

it seems like the key theme of fungus is that they eat everything including things otherwise impossible to eat, they get everywhere with their tiny spores, and they grow and be happy wherever it is wet by eating the surroundings. So if get inside your body (wet) they eat you. so your two main options for being a multicellular organism are developing an immune system (most animals) or hiring other fungus to beat the shit out of the fungus that gets inside your body (most plants)

there were times in my life when fungus tried to eat me. they try to eat most of us sometimes

yea plants do have an immune system but they also regularly merge with fungi into superorganisms so it's very different. they have complicated signalling to determine who is friend and who is enemy. meanwhile mammals are over here like "KILL EVERYTHING THAT ISN'T US!!! Fungus? Kill. Bacteria? Kill. Myself? Huh, come to think of it, my intestinal lining is looking at me funny. I never liked him." *develops autoimmune disorder*

being an animal is so cringe. cant merge with fungus into superorganism, can't reproduce vegetatively, can't photosynthesize...what are we even doing

such a rare moment of relevance for us, the survivors of a 20-year unidentified fungal infection accompanied by psychotropic toxins being released from an apparently undetectable fungus in our lung every time we consumed protein resulting in a phenomenon coined as "ego death" happening about 73,000 times and culminating in a collapsed lung that lasted for 2 months because we forgot what lungs were supposed to feel like and then 3 weeks in a hospital that was essentially an episode of House MD and the doctors all acted super nervous after the surgery but none of them ever really said why plus we have an extra scar that nobody would explain.

Analysing your OC whose default outfit includes seemingly randomly placed armour-like pieces to determine exactly what hobby or day job they could possibly have which would require armour on those parts of their body and no others.