Vessel System

Bodily 28, do not interact with this blog in any way if you are bodily under the age of 18.

Non professionally dxd but medically recognized.

Fictive/factive heavy, if you don't like that, block button is right there.

We will not be sharing triggers, positive or negative do not ask.

I typically try to tag common triggers but I cannot 100% guarantee that so engage with caution. I might occasionally post horny shit, consider this your warning. If you want actually horny on main follow my side @legendoflevi. I follow back from my main @/metaphoricalghost1

I prefer that syscourse blogs and endo/wilogenic systems do not interact with me. You have a right to your own space just as I have a right to mine but this is not the space for you.

I'd very strongly prefer that current Christians and fundamentalists do not interact with this blog. I am not open to being evangelised in any way, shape or form. In that same vein please do not talk to me about religion in any way.

Our most frequent fronters/posters will be intro'd below. There are others but I don't feel like writing out 20+ bio blurbs. All ages are in headspace only, all alters are capable of being treated like an adult.

Im back in the fucking building again.

Crashed out on my fiance over something so fucking minor. My anger feels like a constant nowadays. I feel myself getting so worked up over such stupid shit, then I apologize, and then hate myself for the rest of the night. And while im hating myself he thinks im still angry so he backs way the fuck off anyway. Basically anything other than masking or genuine contendedness seems to appear to others as anger. It must suck to be someone this close to me. Im so fucking inconsistent. This morning I made him a coffee and filled his water and wanted to fuck him before I sat down to watch the game (chickened out anyway so I guess that doesnt count). This afternoon I yelled at him and blamed him for shit that fully was not his fault and wasn't even able to regulate myself enough to apologize properly.

I really do wonder how he sees me. Kind and soft and paternal one minute and angry petulant traumatized child the next. That must be so fucking hard for him. No wonder I almost never get any kind of emotional vulnerability from him. I wouldnt stay with me if the roles were reversed. I wouldnt have half the patience he shows me. I wonder if its pity at this point. Ive certainly driven the point home often enough that I would be fully unhoused and unable to provide for myself without him. Pity or guilt or obligation. Im the fucking millstone around his neck. Constantly trying to claw my way into usefulness enough to be kept with my meager skillset.

I talk about how he wouldnt have any groceries or any clean laundry without me to reassure myself over and over again but I know thats a lie. He lived a whole life before me and he would continue to after me. If anything his life would be better, easier, without having to pay my debts, and bills, and buying my food.

I dont like the person I am but only after the fact. When I feel those feelings its like they are the only thing that exists. I look back afterward and cant connect with my anger. I cant feel that way again even if I can logically remember what happened. I think the feeling has passed and then the next day it comes again like a wave. Starting as a small annoyance and building until I snap over something so fucking minor.