Feanor who?

Elrond be like: I am 4/8 human, 3/8 elf, and 1/8 angel. My mother is a bird and my father is the North Star. My twin brother was the first king of Atlantis but somehow I seem to be more famous than him. I am one of three ringbearers, the other two being the female version of Feanor and a guy who loves fireworks. My foster father is a crazy homeless guy who likes music and his whole family is dead. My many-greats grandnephew is in love with my daughter. No one can tell my sons apart. I like waterfalls and am both a glorified innkeeper and a top-notch doctor. I am the voice of reason no one listens to.

I've never read a more succinct and hilarious Elrond biography 🤣🙂

one of my favorite bits in lord of the rings is something the movies didn't really try to do because it's entirely internal, but sam's carrying the ring and it starts trying to do its work on him, so he's having these intrusive visions of himself marching at the head of a vast and terrible army, and he just starts laughing because, me? samwise gamgee? sam gamgee the general sam gamgee the dark lord are you for real? man i just want to go home and do some gardening. and the ring gets frustrated and it starts trying to figure out other stuff that would actually tempt sam and it's finally like, okay, but hear me out: imagine if you could have...A REALLY REALLY BIG GARDEN

close your eyes and imagine freshly roasted root vegetables perfectly seasoned and crispy as far as the eye can see

Sam trying to get Frodo to take one more step

Sam psychologically tormenting Gollum

Hey tumblr friends, in case I haven't told you lately, I have no idea what the FUCK half of you are on about and I WISH I didn't know what the rest of you are on about. Great work. Keep it up.

The main problem with being into derivatives of Lord of the Rings -- okay not the main problem, just the one that's plaguing me right now -- is the fact that sometimes you want to know how some characters are related to each other and you think, no problem, I'll just find the family trees and look at them! And then you remember that the family trees for these derivative characters don't exist, because they're derivative characters

Pissing off elves by claiming i fought in wars their empire waged 1000's of years ago when im clearly a regular human

#i bet tolkien elves would absolutely hate human beliefs about reincarnation. if you've ever read athrabeth u know finrod thinks he#has it all figured out. they'ee sooo attached to the idea of elves as permanently attached to the material and humams as passing through#even aside from the fantasy equivalent of the usual i was cleopatra x100#'you're wrong about nargothrond i was literally turin in a past life' sentences to get you thrown out of rivendell for multiple reasons @hexjulia

yeah but what if maglor did a shit job at throwing the silmaril and it didn't go far enough to sink and just washed up again