I'm white, so if this ask is not okay or just not your expertise, I understand. I don't know where else to ask. Feel free to delete.
What can I do if a black person I know carries (imo) internalized racism within them? About themself? Apart from that it's really not my place to be to explain them my understanding of their oppression, I don't even understand enough about it. And what they joke about themself is their decision. But I feel the more that happens the more I feel things shifting in a very icky direction I fear. The other people (all white) repeat the always same jokes, not deeply deeply racist (......yet), but always othering, always about their skin colour, never ours. And I feel the other white people get more comfortable to add their own racist jokes now, since they feel validated that that's okay. They certainly seem they were racist before, but ground's shifting. I feel my guard lowering. I'd never feel they'd believe me or get the impact of it when I'd tell them their behaviour's racist, but I fear, in this discussion, the black person would only get used and forced to take a position and I also fear they'd downplay it, too.
I really don't like any of this and I'm worried about them, but I don't know what to do. I try to generally really listen to them (as with anybody), but it's their journey. And I'm white, I miss things, and no therapist. Help :(
Thank you very much for reading and maybe answering!
I don't think you're in a position where it would be helpful for you to tell your Black friend that you think they have internalized racism, but what you can do is call out your white friends for their racism.
It's also probably best to say something like "that's really mean, why would you say something like that?" rather than "that's racist", because white people also tend to not listen when the "racism card" gets pulled.
Your Black friend might be making those kinds of jokes because it's what gets them social approval, and doesn't make them seem "overly sensitive" to racism, which white people hate.
You can help create an environment where racist jokes are considered inappropriate. Anything more, especially telling your Black friend you think they have internalized racism, comes off as patronizing.















