Friendly Demon

★ My irl name is not actually Cloud, contrary to my misleading username. I merely get gender envy from Cloud Strife, from FF7. You can call me Enbi, and my pronouns are they/them. I'm 18.

★ I'm autistic (and a billion other disabilities and disorders) and have a special interest with technology and most machines in general, as well as divine things like angels, archangels, demons, devils, and other stuff.

★ I am otherkin, specifically demonkin. I am also comfortable being referred to as a person, since I see my demonhood as being within my personhood.

★ I talk a lot about intersex stuff because I am intersex. It's not that rare actually, and even if it WERE rare, we'd still need people to talk about intersex stuff. 💛🟣💛

★ I unconfidently consider myself an artist. (Banner and PFP art is by me)

★ More information about me, as well as warnings for my blog, are under the cut.

anyway in my head you sound like golan im sorry goodbye

Let me look that up hold on

Okay wait yeah why does he kinda look like me. I also watched the pilot just now and I liked it. I can't say that he sounds like me but maybe if my voice were more gravelly, then yeah.

Whipped up a ref sheet real quick just for you!

This character is me, like they are how I see myself as someone who is demonkin. And yet I can't even draw my own hands and feet. Like I have five fingers per hand and all, I just don't want to draw them. Whatever, who cares if I struggle with drawing.

I tend to simplify myself quite a lot for ease of drawing, so keep in mind that a lot of the details shown here are optional. Like, for example, I haven't gotten top surgery yet and idk if I want to keep my nipples when I get it, so the nipples are optional.

Clothing style description under cut.

Whenever I've got a physical done by my hospital's nurses (I have the most base insurance, on account of my homeless disabled bio-mom), they never seemed to acknowledge the black dot, EVER. It made me feel crazy, how is no one else seeing this?!?

Following the experience of other intersex folks discoveries, I (tmi) watched myself use the bathroom and realized I might actually have. Two urethral openings? I know that's a rare condition, but I don't know what else to call it. I always felt strange compared to my peers, and have difficulty feeling anything inside my vagina using my fingers, so now I'm REALLY suspicious.

Would it be okay for me to call myself intersex? I know you aren't the end-all, but I'm nervous that because I don't know everything about my potential conditions, I don't have a "claim" or something...

Okay, that dot being a urethral opening actually makes a LOT of sense! On my end, before, when you described this black dot, I had thought that it could either be melanoma (which is why I recommended you get it checked out) or a freckle. But it being a second urethral opening would explain why it was ignored. Urethral variations are often ignored and brushed under the rug.

Urethral variations are actually more common than you'd expect. Especially considering all the gaslighting and ignorance that the intersex community can face from doctors and nurses, urethral duplication seems like it's more prevalent than previously thought.

Not a dumb question!!

I personally think the difference between gynecomastia and perisex-typical breast development is whether or not you are expected to naturally develop breasts. Like with me, for instance, there was a point when I was a teen where my estrogenic puberty was considered disordered, freakish, and an anomaly. And a doctor specifically referred to my breast development as gynecomastia, so that's how I know I have it.

Tl;dr, how did you find out? Was it testing or judgment based on the effects on your body? I have a lot to ramble about so I'm putting this on top...

P.S., if you're uncomfortable with sharing anything about yourself that I am asking, please feel free to delete this and/or not respond. I understand it feels a little awkward sharing with internet strangers, and you're one person after all.

Okay, longer information here: I got my first menstrual period at 9-years old due to the stress of the environment, and for nearly 3 years? I had debilitating periods, especially at the beginning. I would cramp so badly, all I could do was stay in bed and be unable to move, crying. No regular painkillers worked and after much trying, I found only Midol helped ease the pain.

I went from having no breasts at all to developing C cups *overnight* (this is not an exaggeration), which then continued rapidly developing up until now, in which I'm at least double D's. I had developed back issues from this, but because of neglect, I never got anything checked out and wasn't believed when I said I was in pain.

However, there's more: I have this small black? thing? In my thigh, close to my genitals, that I have no idea when and where it appeared from, and it protrudes slightly under my skin. When I showed my bio mother a picture, she didn't even know what it was, and half-guessed it was maybe an ingrown hair (a notion I definitely reject). I also have a small line from below my belly button down to my genitals, and I have had absolutely no surgery done to that area.

I formed a hypothesis that, since estrogen plays a crucial role in joint health, and particularly binding cartilage cells, that my back issues and now disability has been contributed by mass amounts of estrogen; my lower back, where cartiligious plates are what holds up, is fucked severely and affects everything in my body.

I could be overthinking it, but it all feels deserving of my suspicion because I was not allowed to dictate my own health for years. So my end goal here is to ask if you had any experiences similar? How you found out? I desperately have been seeking answers for years, and this community seems to be my best bet when doctors continually fail me.

This ABSOLUTELY sounds like you have hyperestrogenism. I think we have different kinds of hyperestrogenism, so I have not experienced a lot of what you have, but based on all that I know from research, this is pretty typical of those whose hyperestrogenism is beyond pericis-typical female ranges. Some things I also recommend you look into are low progesterone levels, anemia, and PMOS. Low progesterone because that can contribute to longer and more debilitating periods, anemia because heavy bleeding often causes that and heightens symptoms, and PMOS because that is a common cause of this level of hyperestrogenism.

For the black spot, I don't know what that is, but I would highly recommend you get that checked out in case it's dangerous.

As to how I found out, that is a very long story, and is heavily tied into how I was reassigned male, which I've been wanting to talk about anyways, so this gives me a good opportunity. It's a really long ass story, so I'm going to summarize it as best as I can under the cut. If it's too long to read, then I can just say that I found out through testing my estrogen levels.