sic parvis magna

Going back in time to when they crucified Jesus. Not to save him (I’m pro choice) but to climb up there and feed him Ibuprofen and mini m&ms from my slightly cupped palm. like one might feed sugar cubes to a horse.

doing the marge simpson impression so hard that I throw up

Just found out my facebook birding group is public because my cousin (a lawyer who is not into birds) casually said to me “saw you couldn’t identify a willet the other day… pretty embarrassing”

getting wicked drunk on honeydew behind my shoe house and smoking a mint leaf that a caterpillar sold me for five acorns

wqs smoking wuith the guy from river monsers and he strqightw up passed rhe joint to the giant fish

did it cough

no it straigt up sucked that thing

kanye breast

having to ask people if you’re still hanging out is one of the worst things ever . like is our playdate still on? im gonna stab myself