i love you

All Jonathan knows is Be Oblivious and Eat Hot Paprika Chip

everyone talking about star wars day smh it's like y'all really forgot about the eve of St. George's day? do you not know that to-night, when the clock strikes midnight, all the evil things in the world will have full sway? like do you seriously know where you are going and what you are going to??

why do we bother with I hate my partner jokes when your boss is right there

I love my wife. my boss though? that ball and chain??

Bestie, your brain, your VISION, ahead of your time

Wait, but this made them ACTUALLY FUNNY

dump his ass. move to a walkable city. start hormones. get into fiber crafts. dye your hair weird. grow an herb garden. foster a distrustful cat. take a welding class. invite your friends over for tea and cake. get way too into obscure media. explore a new cuisine. lie to the police. protest in the streets. life has so many possibilities don't it?

make out with a frenemy. buy noise cancelling headphones. wear office inappropriate attire. quit a toxic workplace. improve your apartment. start a dog walking sidegig. get on first name basis with your local librarians. bully politicians at town hall meetings. get an unexpected piercing. cultivate farmer's market connections. trade recipes with a gossipy old neighbor. unionize your apartment complex. move to the countryside. let a friend take you larping. keep a sword on your mantleplace

get a tattoo on your 40th birthday. be tempted to buy a loom. do a charity drag show. sue your landlord. buy a really nice kitchen appliance. volunteer at an anarchist soup kitchen. rediscover a tv show you watched when you were 8. spam your state senators. shop at asian grocery stores. do cosplay. buy trans flags in bulk and mount them along the highway. go viral for unexpected reasons. move in with your best friend. make lemoncello with leftover lemon rinds. run for school board membership. explore pegging.

update: i'm delighted to report this post has been responsible for at least one person dumping his ass

knew from a young age that i was weird and unfixable

im having feelings about the uffington white horse again

ICE fucking abandoned the scene in a Minneapolis neighborhood and left their battle plans and designs on the city, fake license plates, and challenge tokens which they reward themselves for arrests. Looney Tunes shit.

It’s Nazi paraphernalia

Absolutely horrid that a 10hr sleep does not cure you of all that ails you

it doesn't even cure me of being tired