King Midas, but with salt & vinegar.

people who wear cat ears in public are braver than any u.s. marine

What if a US Marine wore cat ears into battle?

oh hey human pet guy how’s it goin

Don’t dodge the question as if he didn’t just dream of the most powerful being imaginable

“it seems a black hole feel asleep on my bed and started purring…”

The void is comfy and contented.

I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. A guy asked me what the Spanish word for tortilla was once and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight

Rasputin’s influence was extensive.

how dare you insult Spy Kids like this

spy kids deserves to be insulted

In my new world you will not be allowed to have bones, heathen

does anybody else find the phrase “as we speak” slightly menacing? like someone could come up to me and be like karen is dropping off her 6 kids at soccer practice and exchanging brownie recipes with linda from the country club as we speak and I’d start sweating and be like shit karen’s not fucking around

#karen’s too powerful we gotta take her down

every lactose intolerant person ive ever met: i mean TECHNICALLY im lactose intolerant but [goes on to justify the fact that theyre about to eat a dairy product]

spring is apparently gonna take ages to come this year. but I’m glad that Persephone is getting laid for a bit longer.

#‘no mom I’m not coming home yet. idk maybe april or something. me and hades just started Breaking Bad.’

the first five emotes on your recently used emojis describe you as a person ready set go

“Inappropriate student-teacher relationship” doesn’t always mean something sexual. My high school art teacher’s drug dealer was one of her own students, and you better believe he got straight As in that class - like, what are you going to do, give your weed man a B- because he doesn’t understand pointilism?

My favourite thing about this post is people getting offended that the sixteen-year-old drug dealer doesn’t understand pointilism.

Witches are always pro-trans culture, transphobes cannot be witches.

I have never seen such an accurate description of writing in my life

Someday archeologists are going to dig up Disney World and think that it was some type of bizarre mouse worshipping kingdom.

That’s because it is fucker.

too many songs about love. not enough songs about sword fights