but anyways i love dancing around the idea of sam’s tragic view of intimacy on what’s considered borderline rape vs. a mild act of violation (also rape). when ruby is taunting her way into getting it on with him, sam’s initial bodily boundary is resistance. but duh! ruby’s a predator who uses his addiction and emotional isolation against him. when his body eventually responds with pleasure, that’s when all the wires in his brain cross. he cannot reconcile “i am being coerced by a demon” with “this feels nice.” to cope, his brain rewrites the narrative: he decides that because he felt pleasure, he must have wanted it. and that right there is the cherry on top from the very moment he fucked her through the mattress, because now his internal compass for consent is shattered. sam stops viewing himself as a victim of manipulation and starts viewing himself as a willing participant, or the “perpetrator” even in his own corruption (thanks for the help, dean). the aftermath of this not only makes Sam feel so incredibly “dirty” in canon by just the act itself, but more so how he allowed himself to be vulnerable to the wrong entity. now fast forward to the devil himself who fucks up sam’s entire distorted rulebook about violation getting pushed to a horrific extreme when in the cage. unlike ruby, lucifer has no desire to make sam feel good or necessarily trick him into thinking they are partners. the main goal is to break sam’s mind and body. there is zero physical pleasure here; it is inescapable sexual torture of his existence for centuries. due to sam’s brain previously deciding that ruby wasn’t a violation because it felt good, you would think he’d easily recognize Lucifer as pure victimization. but when has trauma worked logically for a winchester? instead, sam’s existing self-loathing from the ruby era feeds into the lucifer era is effectively crossing the wires in his brain as his mind tells him: “you were dirty and broken anyway because of what you did with a demon. of course the devil is going to stick his dick in you now—this is just the consequence of who you are.” and i will be biased, but i find this double standard exhilarating. because sam is spiraling that if an assault involves pleasure (ruby), he blames himself for enjoying it and calls it consent. but if an assault involves altering pure pain (lucifer), he blames himself for deserving it because of his past. so in both cases, sam denies himself ever holding the title of being the “perfect” victim, and comes to terms with carrying 100% of the guilt on his own shoulders. and i would like to note more about one of the psychological impacts from lucifer that i find so compelling. the usage of both sweet and degrading pet names that come from him completely transforms the narrative of the cage. it shows that even though there was zero physical pleasure for sam, lucifer was still actively weaponizing the psychological language of intimacy to torment him. he’s mixing the pot with affection and abuse that makes sam’s mind swirl from ever finding a safe baseline, even within his own mind. when lucifer alternated between sweet nicknames (like “sammy,” and “baby”) and degrading slurs or insults (“bitch” and “pansy”) it was a deliberate tactic designed to destabilize the sam’s reality. since lucifer mixed pet names like being called, “sammy” with the reality of pure pain, sam’s brain becomes completely rewired to expect danger whenever someone speaks to him gently. and who do we know as the person who is absolutely significant in sam’s life, who just so happens to call him these nicknames?

soulless sam in canon :

fandom : soulless sam was a toppy sadistic alpha and dean was his submissive omega slave!

dean with soulless sam in canon :

jared: sam has a tight end; sam smells like cotton candy and heaven; sam's favorite movie is fried green tomatoes; favorite version of dean is the violent toppy dean from endverse (5x04).

he was so obsessed with killing lucifer that he sacrificed his friends so he could kill the devil, just like john was willing to sacrifice himself and his sons to kill azazel.