im confused 90% of the time

You used me? For my vibe?

Unpopular Opinion: The reason people don't use zodiac signs to determine insurance costs, college acceptance, etc. like how dna data bases are threatening to do is because astrology is a predominately female hobby and therefore viewed as useless, baseless, and/or witchcraft.

speaking as a witch: shut the fuck up

denied Medicare for being a libra

This is the funniest shit on earth

that moment of intimacy with the person who adjusts your seat belt on a roller coaster

Me, about to become the new owner of the local Denny’s

Sorry boss I can’t come into work today I’ve come down with Female Hysteria

rene magritte this does not explain ANYTHING

is this like one of those rubber bands they put on lobsters so they don’t pinch you

My favorite part of this is that you can just hear the defeat in this.

I was doing an erotic dance for my friends and you ruined it. I was in the zone and my friends were loving it.

Bees don’t have lungs

you can’t just not have lungs

Evidently you can, provided you’re a bee