Am I really ever clean if it’s all I’m thinking about?

idk how to explain this but I feel like being skinny would make my mental illness more...socially acceptable?

"I always knew you weren’t mine to keep. That’s why I kissed you an extra thousand times and told you it was just an old habit. That’s why I always gazed an extra few seconds before I looked away and that’s why I stayed up all those nights to watch you sleep instead of getting any rest myself. I tried to memorize every curve and mark on your body so that when you left I would not forget. I listened extra carefully when you spoke because I knew I needed to replay your voice when I was alone. That’s why I told you I loved you as much as I did and I always held you as close as I did. You pressed your body against mine and I knew someday your scent would linger on my sheets but you would not be there to hold me close anymore. I knew one day I would wake up alone. So I took in your warmth and cried in your arms, but you never knew what it was about. I ran my finger through your face and moves my hands back to your body to cherish every inch of your skin. I watched you dream and knew I would never get to watch you change and grow because sometimes in life things are only built to break. I cherished you all I could but you still left and I’m starting to wish I never memorized you."

this made me cry. Reminded me of how I was with her , it’s been 4 months now and I find myself struggling to even remember her voice.

it’s not deep enough until i think “shit what have i done?”

I still can’t believe I lost you. I loved you more than you’ll ever know, my dear.

you left scars but I got myself to blame.