your chains can't hold me down

Ah, okay, yeah I’ve heard that one before. Oh, I’m.. I don’t have any work but I was just- if you gave some kind of idea, I could keep an eye out. Or an ear, as it were. 

Is, uh.. is that invite still available?

Aren’t you just the sweetest thing, bae? But yeah, no, I’m down for just about anything, ya know? Especially if you’re volunteering to help a girl out. 

PRIVATE: 

Oh! A spanking! I’m sooo scared. If I was trying to achieve the title of big bad of this town, I think I’d try a little harder than going back and forth with you, of all people. Hm– so dramatic. I was only reminding you of what you have on the line, should you purposefully lose your access to the police station. Now that I have some sort of reassurance you won’t be shirking any responsibilities there, I don’t have to remind you of anything. 

PRIVATE: 

I hope you can feel me rolling my eyes from here. Yeah? So what’s your angle, then? Just bored? Because there are a lot more fun things to do with me than argue and front and shit. You act like I’m some kind invaluable asset? If I lose my “access” to the police station, it’s not going to be by my own volition, babe. So glad we got that sorted.

MALIA: hmmm what do i get for bein' cute?

MALIA: that's dumb. :c why'd they do that?

HARPER: Hmm, what do you want?

HARPER: You know, too much fucking around, or something

HARPER: They're reorganizing the precinct and I guess I'm- idk- they're starting over, and they're tryna see where to put me

HARPER: Whether to keep me on or demote me or something

MALIA: 🥰🥰

MALIA: what happened at the station?

HARPER: Smh you're lucky you're cute

HARPER: Idk, things are just getting...

HARPER: I'm-

MALIA: maybe if you're super, super nice to me, i'll slie you one. :P

MALIA: but yeah, 'course i am!

MALIA: are you okay?

HARPER: Um, I'm always super, super nice to you, babe. Soooo 👀👀

HARPER: Damn, bitch, if that was your way of figuring out if ppl would come to your funeral, I hope you're happy

HARPER: Me? Yeah of course. I'm always okay

[...]

[ ... ]

MALIA: y'know, usually when i drunk text you, its usually a tit pic

MALIA: sorry for the scare D:

HARPER: Ngl, I kinda prefer those to #911 sos

PRIVATE: Hm. So sorry for the tone, Miss. It will absolutely happen again. Besides, there’s no big man in the room, nor is there anyone trying to be. And please, don’t take this personal. It’s just business. I’m sure even you understand that. Surely the alcohol hasn’t addled your brain that much, right? 

PRIVATE:

I s2g sometimes I think you want me to take you over my knee and beat that cute ass of yours black and blue. No? And yet, you’re out here trying to be the big bad of this town. And it is personal, babe. My cousin’s wellbeing isn’t just business- the same as how your dad’s wasn’t. Besides, this shit's a two way street- I’m not gonna forget you in all this, regardless of what I’m considering. But stop tryna- idk- blackmail me? #not cool

Yes please. You know, I was going to say that now that life was finally settling down again, we’ll have more time but alas, it seems that was not in the cards after all.

PRIVATE

Is everything okay? I saw you were looking for a new job? Or, a second job?

Oh? Damn, bae, you really out here living it up? Or do you mean the crazy taking over town? Because this bitch is ready for a nap, with all everyone wild’n like this, ya feel? Like, how did I not get some funky ass superpower??

PRIVATE

New, second, either, both. A change of scenery, I guess.

[...]

It’s- I may be in a little trouble at the station...

I can keep an ear out at Bayview, if you wanna. That or the community center though I don’t know that they’re paying. Where’d all that free time come from?

That’d be chill, tbh. Idk if I got the temperament for Bayview, but I ain’t against giving it a try, ya know? Could be pretty cool. Mostly could use the extra cash, plus now that things are getting organized, we’re hiring again, so they’re trying to give the fresh meat some field time.

Aw bud, the police force won’t know what their missing. If you wanna give the fire academy a try we’re happy to welcome you with open arms and a lot of hazing.

Uh, two drinks at Johnny’s thanks.

Idk, man, I’ve been at this for almost 15 years. Damn, saying it out loud is a fucking trIP ??? But you think I could swing it? I mean, I already got the guns. Plus I’d be pretty hot on the Christmas calendar tbh.

PRIVATE: Benefits? Your cousin stays safe. Nothing more until I need you to actually do something. Do remember that if you step out of line, I won’t hesitate to drop my protection on him, Miss. 

PRIVATE:

First of all, pls chill. I know you’re all high and mighty and whatever, but there’s no need to take that tone with me, babe. Second, I already knew you’re not providing your boys health insurance and like dental and shit- tsk tsk. Third, I’m getting real tired of you trying to be the big man in the room. Take a calm down, and talk to me later, because your threats are fucking exhausting.

I can keep an ear out at Bayview, if you wanna. That or the community center though I don’t know that they’re paying. Where’d all that free time come from?

I’m chill with either or both. It’s not the money, tbh. Just looking for a change in scenery, you know? I’ve been a copper my whole life- maybe I’d like to branch out? Idk, I’m just shopping around atm.

[ ... ]

MALIA: y'know, usually when i drunk text you, its usually a tit pic

MALIA: sorry for the scare D:

HARPER: Tbh I prefer those by f a r

HARPER: Wtf were you thinking, the two of you playing up in a tree trashed??

MALIA: SOS ITS REAL AWK IN HERE

MALIA: JASPER AND KYLA AND DAYA ARE HERE AND HHHH ima die

MALIA: ima cease

HARPER: WhICH HOsPITal???

PRIVATE: Isn’t it obvious? I’m looking for you to keep your position there. I have many thugs already hired– there’s no shortage of burly neanderthals. 

PRIVATE: 

Ah yes, your sense of subtlety remains all too impressive. Oh? Digging the inside man vibe? Yeah? What’s the benefits like? I’ve been thinking about tryna move- find somewhere to rent or thing with a yard and stuff. For Butters and Noodles, y’know?

We might be needin’ some hands for And Three pretty soon. I got the website all set up, which means people are already orderin’. Even if I just think it’s our friends. Or Emily did somethin’ crazy like usual. No need for a drink or anythin’. 

You know I’m always down, bae. And trust- you know I’mma be one of your most loyal and regular patrons, obvi. But it could be cool to get a look behind the scenes and stuff- especially if you give priority to your employees for first pick of the day 😉 And it’s not required, just fun !

What does ‘hmu’ mean? But, uh, if you’re still looking, which of course you are since you just spoke about it, um- what kind of work are you looking for?

Hmu? Hit me up, bae 😘😘 and that invite is hella standing for you. Yeah, totally though- what kinda work are you offering? Plus, like, I owe you a freebie, don’t I? You being such a sweetheart to me the other day and all. And cute af to boot.