bro ive been doing well for so long im literally almost 3 years clean and now suddenly i feel like the same as i used to. nothing even happened. ive been just trying to write essays for med school apps and thinking too much about that time bc thats the only thing i can remember from like 12 to 18. i feel so weak. why cant i think about my own life. and now i keep triggering myself even more, looking at my old pictures, reading my old posts, watching sad videos, looking up pictures of cuts, like i dont want to relapse and go back to that horrible time but i dont know how to stop it i only feel worse and worse every day it feels inevitable that im just going to relapse so why not just do it now and feel better sooner but then my life is going to be ruined, i know i wont be able to stop if i start i wont be able to cut deep enough bc ive lost my tolerance but i still will want to cut deep and i still cant even ask for help from my mom why am i such a failure i havent learned anything in the 8 years ive struggled with this why cant i just stop thinking about it why am i like this whats wrong with me why cant i be better why
