Thanks for listening

“but what is a maaaan”

and neither of us know the other words so we just sing that one phrase over and over to the tune of the song sounding like confused people who have never met a man before

My nap coma led to this dream — a vision — of a truck-stop diner with one special: The Pie Burgerito. The idea was, you get dinner in one hand, dessert in the other. No sit down, just pick up and drive away. Twelve dollars. Take it or leave it.

Burgerito: It was a big tortilla, beans, fries, and burger fixins (meat, tomato, lettuce, cheese, fry sauce) - all wrapped in one of those aluminum foil burrito sleeves.

Pie: And, in addition, you’d get a slice of diner-style pudding pie in a plastic container: coconut cream, key lime, lemon merengue, chocolate, banana…

“It’s a manual”

Them: NAUR DRACULAUR, THE SOLAUR!

Them: So where do you see yourself—

Me: “That is not who you are! The person I love would have died a germaphobe until the day they died!”

Them: *shoots air directly into my mouth first*

The doctor's hypeman: "whoa-hoa sick, dude"

The patient's hypeman: "bogus"

The patient's british butler: (with tissue in hand and germful disdain) "I believe it's pronounced bogey, sire ☝️"

Dating - adorable, in love 🩷💛

Married for a long time - 🚩RED FLAG 🚩 You should be comfortable! Why are they still making you that nervous??