normal boy

i'm a lot like if a guy had a tight wet pussy and was right about everything all the time and was also a faggot

obsessed with whatever the opposite of "the author's poorly disguised fetish" is. Like something that was explicitly drawn as a fetish but it's so niche and strange that it wraps back around into being a masterpiece of surrealism that transfixes and enchants you even though personally you can't imagine sexually getting off to it anymore than you could imagine eating a granite boulder

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

sorry but once you notice how often ppl use a southern accent as shorthand for being unintelligent you can never unsee it. classism is baked so deeply and why are you acting like anyone who talks the way my grandfather talks is stupid.

one of my favourite funny little things about this website is when you make a post like 'killing you to death with a spear formation' and somebody reblogs it tagged #q #spear formation like i'm so happy to know you're keeping your dedicated spear formation tag well curated babe keep it up

Shocking development: in a language and culture where most given names are considered masculine or feminine, some genderqueer and nonbinary people choose given names that seem unusual!

transition timeline but about halfway through im inexplicably a cackling green witch for a few months before continuing as normal

People on Tumblr love sharing information about themselves no matter how asinine it is. And I'm the same way. Everybody tell me what the last thing you drank was.

it’s a shame more vampire media doesn’t pull from vampire bat behavior because they’re such sweeties. they can only survive their incredibly specialized diet because bats will share blood with colony members that didn’t find a meal! there’s evidence that suggests the donors sometimes initiate this behavior themselves by approaching hungry bats! the colonies are mostly harems of females with a few males but they’ve been observed letting unrelated males in when it gets cold so they can all stay warm! cute little social critters!

image: tweet. "The thing is that I'll go to the pub with friends and have a few drinks and a laugh and it'll be great and the next day I'll be walking through London and see some people having a few drinks and a laugh outside the pub and feel that I am forever excluded from the joys of life". end ID.

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

ever wondered why epigraphs have huge chunks missing off them? that's right. I bited them all