⋆˙⟡meow?✧˖°.

i believe you (truthful)

#SCARY

Man Im sorry for snapping at you , uts just that I only got 8 hours of sleep last night and I only had like, two pandcakes with strawberrys and whipped cream and like three premium sausags for breakfast

how about you stop fucking around and call me when you're ready to actually get serious about appetizers

I can't fuck with people who are fundamentally uncurious.

I also can't fuck with people who are fundamentally unkind.

Sometimes on the internet people will throw an abbreviation at you as if you’re supposed to know what it means and you’ll try to find out what it means but no matter what you do on any search engine all that comes up is some kind of dental supplies logistics company in Malaysia or something

needing to take a shower: worst feeling in the world getting into the shower: hardest task in the world being in the shower: 🚿🧼🛁🧴🫧 getting out of the shower: second hardest task in the world being out of the shower: (soft hair) (soft skin) (cozy towel) (clean clothes) why is getting into the shower always so hard. i should remember this feeling (most beautiful feeling in the world) next time i need to take a shower

does anybody know how to get out of bed. or be a better person

No I’m not attracted to you. Quit your evil putting your finger under my chin to make me look up at you. I know I’m your nemesis and all but we really need to set some boundaries when you’ve got me tied up like this.

No look I get it. You’ve got your evil plan, you’ve gotta get me out of the way but you also want to see me suffer as I watch the world burn, I know. But like, I’m not into this. Sexually or otherwise. Wait, you thought I was doing this because I liked you? I’m trying to stop you from using a death laser. No I don’t think death lasers are sexy what on earth are you talking about

Wait. That’s why you dress like that? I thought that armor was impractical. No I don’t find our relationship to be homoerotic I find it to be tedious. Look, man. We all keep trying to get you into therapy. No I’m not kink shaming you I’m saying you’ve completely misinterpreted this relationship. I actually do think you should answer for your war crimes. Yes, really. No you’re the one not listening to me in this situation. Yes that is the alarm the others will have cut all your wires and called in the fbi by now.

What do you mean you thought we had something special? I have other enemies. You’re not the only one. No I’m not doing kinky things with them either I blow up their nefarious devices. Speaking of which, you might want to move like… ten feet to your right.

The henchmen in the tags who have been assuring the villain since the beginning that “of course he likes you back, why else would he keep coming to destroy your death lasers”

The henchmen have been reading too many romance novels.

Awfully defensive are we? I think the henchmen are onto something.

You know I didn’t intend for this character I made up to be aromantic but this whole post has turned into being arospec at a family reunion simulator

@i-suggest-aro

"cannot stress enough how lovers will never be a part of this equation even a little bit" is how i feel explaining every single one of my stories

Pro-censorship wattpad refugees drama is so funny to me because when I started using ao3 as a kid I was a devout mormon and I thought that reading anything even remotely pornagraphic was a sin and would ruin my life. So when I was 13 and found ao3 I went "oh awesome I found a fanfic website with a filtering system so I won't ever randomly stumble into porn. This is great! I was really worried about seeing something I didn't want to see on the other platforms." I didn't read any smut online until like three years later. If a mormon 13 year old can figure out 'don't like don't read' wattpad users can too cmon you guys i believe in you.

YOU ARE SOMETHINGBURGER. ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT

one day i will crack my back in a way that will solve all my life problems