Twilight Angel

Percy didn't reject godhood for Annabeth. Even if he was thinking of her in that moment, he was well aware of gods marrying mortals and ascending them. He also had no reason to think Annabeth wouldn't want that.

A part of it was definitely using his gift to make changes for demigods, but he also could have done that as a god. Hermes said it himself: the god would most likely forget about the promise they made Percy. He also knew they did not stick to their oaths well. He and Thalia were proof of that.

No, Percy didn't want godhood because he didn't want to live forever. We see it the first time he meets Dionysus. He thinks that he should think it’s cool, but even at twelve, the thought of living forever is daunting and dreadful.

Furthermore, Percy is actively suicidal. He thinks about it at least three times between the PJO and HoO arcs. Even without those specific instances, Percy was fully prepared to die when he was 16 and clearly doesn’t know what to do with himself now. Everything he does is purely what everyone else expects him to do, Annabeth especially.

He doesn’t go on quests when Apollo is mortal because his mom would stress too much during the pregnancy. He decides to finish school and try to get into NRU to be with Annabeth. Even taking on quests again to do it, because he’s convinced that a picket-fence life will make him happy and he believes New Rome will be the only way he can do that.

But, he only thinks that’s what will make him happy because it’s the one thing he’s never had. Percy would go nuts sitting in college classes, being surrounded by stuck-up pedigree Romans who shit on him and Annabeth because of their parents. He’d go stir crazy after a few months in New Rome. Kid couldn’t even make it the whole summer at Camp Half-Blood.

So, he tries to make it work thinking it’ll make him happy because the truth is:

It’s a huge reason I loved and related to him so much as a middle schooler reading him because I felt like he got me. The world had been set against him from day one and I’ve always felt that because of mental health and disability reasons as well.

He genuinely believes he has no chances at life that there’s no hope for him the the education system no peace in his own home with gabe and now camp?? He stays alive purely and completely because reaching 16 became a requirement in his brain. He accepted that he was the child of the prophecy even if there could’ve been other loopholes or options. The the 2nd great prophecy happens and he doesn’t have time to think about it like how he did during the 1st—until it’s over and now he has to start all over AGAIN to find some last straw of anything to look forward to.

But he knows from his depression but also literal life experiences that no matter what he does he’ll never truly have a purpose. He’s just barely able to find anything to hold onto to keep him alive. The next necessity that he’s needed for. He knows there are ppl who care about him but he’s so tired.

Op stated the fact that college would actually be horrible for him. As someone w learning disabilities like him plus social anxiety like he does is why I changed to online from in person classes cause I couldn’t handle the social aspect. I just felt like I was always being looked at and judged. IMAGINE how percy would feel when literally everybody has heard his name in some context from someone and he knows that.

He can’t seem to escape from it all. No purpose and no necessity is keeping him tethered to anything or responsibly, even annabeth who I guarantee he thinks it’d be easier for her to not have him around cause of ‘all the shit I’ve put her thru’. A misconception that I’ve gotten from people my whole life is like ‘why aren’t you trying to stay alive??’ ‘If you tried this and this therapy’ ‘if you worked harder to change your thought patterns’ ‘just find something to live for’

I get percy on this one He’s Trying So Hard. and it’s soooo underdeveloped. His grief—all the survivors of the second titan war and the war were comepletely disregarded in hoo like it didn’t happen like two months ago like where did annabeths entire arch go and the fact she just watched luke die cause literally like imagine if that was referenced with the fact Percy’s missing??? Like ‘luke left and percy left I can’t let myself believe something might be wrong I won’t’—so is all the anger that he’s had to push down this entire time. Never getting a moment to process any of it ever and he’s always managed his emotions alone.

I need a whole book dedicated to like a solo journey across the globe that’s not a quest there’s no end destination or goal besides learning to breathe on your own. One of the huge I’ve had to learn with my mental illnesses is being alone doesn’t have to be lonely scary or sad or broken. Yourself knows you best and you can confide to yourself about your own feelings and fears. I like to think over time he realizes the people who’ve always been around him have called and kept up with the sights he’s seen so far and encouraged and cried with him over Iris message—that they’ve always been there. And that maybe the world around him is beautiful too. Maybe that’s all the ‘purpose’ you need the people you love and to see another mushroom on a path you’ve hiked before just cause it’d be nice to revisit

He'd never felt any bitterness or envy either.

Why should he? Both he and Percy had lived vastly different lives, and their own actions and decisions, and the people who surrounded them, shaped them into who they were today.

Why be jealous of something that'll never change? Why waste time and energy on something like that?

More than anything, Jason had been scared.

Scared that Percy wouldn't see him as a friend, scared the Son of Poseidon wouldn't want to befriend him in the first place.

Ever since he was young, he'd longed for another Big 3 kid to show up at Camp Jupiter. Despite knowing they'd be subjected to the same brutal training and horrible tortures that he was, the selfish part of his 7-year-old self wanted a friend.

He didn't have any friends. He wasn't allowed to. And anyone who did befriend him was executed for trying to lead the prized Son of Jupiter away from his path of becoming Rome's ultimate weapon.

So when Hazel and Nico first appeared at Camp Jupiter, he'd leapt at the oppurtunity to befriend them both.

It saddened him when Nico always left, but he and Hazel had actually become close friends.

He'd screwed that up. He'd screwed his friendship with Hazel up. Just like how he screwed his friendship with Reyna, and Dakota, and Gwen, and Bobby,

He's screwed up what little was left of his brotherly relationship with Octavian when he chose to fight against him rather than try to help him break free of Gaea's control. He'd left the first friend he'd ever had. Abandoned him.

He screwed up his relationship with Piper; he was a terrible friend to Frank, giving him a huge position of leadership without first considering if Frank even wanted that immense pressure. Annabeth always kinda hated him, and Leo was gone. Not dead if Lester was to be believed, but he wasn't here with Jason.

Not even Nico or Thalia stayed with him. Nico had Will, and Thalia had the Hunt. Neither needed him.

But Percy,

Percy who still chose to talk and try to befriend him after the mess that was Kansas. That night Jason had nearly cried himself to sleep after punching his mirror, saddened to the core by the thought of potentially losing Percy's friendship over this.

Percy, who'd let Jason into his home, sit at his mother's dining table, and hold his baby sister with his dirty, blood-soaked, mutilated hands. He let Jason, the greatest monster to crawl out from the depths of Tartarus, touch Estelle, who was a miracle child.

The same Percy who was now staring at him.

"Jason. Promise me you'll come back from Apollo's stupid quest alive,"

The same Percy who didn't know about the prophecy that doomed either him or Piper to death.

The same Percy who just assumed Jason was being overly cautious.

The same Percy who was asking Jason to make the first promise he'd ever break.

"I'll be back. I promise,"

His mother had promised she'd be back, hadn't she? Fitting. His mother had promised she'd be back for him, but she never came, and now he'd promised Percy he'd come back, and he had no intention of doing that.

The Fates probably thought they were hilarious.

His father hated him, hated his existence, and actively avoided considering Jason as his son.

All that was left of Jason now was to die his Mother's son.

----------

TOApril Day12

TOApril Day 14 🦋 with Apollos design how Percy described him the first time they met in Titan's Curse

it's the way apollo(n)'s main cognates seem to be Destroyer (apollymi) and Assembly/City center/Walled fence (apella)

and Lester means "fortified place", "city" or even "camp"

it preserves and remains faithful to one of his meanings

and I can see how zeus arrived to this meaning and where his gross miscalculation was, he wants to defang apollo so he erases the Destroyer, it's meant to "humble" him

but like,, that's exactly who apollo wants to be. someone who builds and preserves, the core of civilization. he destroys too but that's not his preference and zeus cannot see it because he's too tunnel visioned on violence

so like it's like a microcosm of the whole situation, zeus is so scared of apollo's potential for violence that he goes too hard on the other direction and ends up reminding him of his actual core self (bad if you want to opress him!!! self actualization is power in a god's world!!!! you're missing the forest for the trees!!!!!!)

TOApril Day 7 - Home, Hearth and Grief

He says "heavens help me" instead of "heaven help me" using the plural the same way demigods do with "oh my gods". I'm guessing this is an acknowledgment of other pantheons? Or I'm looking too far into it, I've just never heard this phrase with a plural "heavens" before.

He calls Cade and Mikey "Ruffians" . And he makes fun of the arrow for being Shakespearean.

He also refers to people as "Mortals" a lot here, which I remembered him doing, but now I want to keep track and see if he keeps that up throughout all the books, or if it peters out near the end.

"I thought how amusing it would be if I could make the snake tattoos around his neck come alive and strangle him to death" I honestly love how violent Apollo's thoughts can be sometimes. Like, you can tell he's someone who has done shit like this before.

I also want to keep track of all the little anecdotes Apollo brings up, so we'll start with the guitar contest against Chuck Berry in 1957, which apparently ended with him getting repeatedly stomped on.

"But something told me this was not she" II love how it's the little things that really get across how old Apollo is. Rick could've easily just said "It wasn't her" or something, but instead he had Apollo phrase this in a way that is far more formal, and more reminiscent of the grammatical patterns of old english. Idk it's just really cool.

(Side note that's not connected to Apollo: Meg's glasses are black? I feel like I've been living a lie, I've been coloring them red for years lol)

God his metaphors are just so striking. Like, I can imagine the phrase "Whatever was left of my pride turned into ice water and trickled into my socks" but I don't want to, because that's such a visceral feeling. I like that Apollo inadvertently proving how poetic he is by making the reader as uncomfortable as possible.

I think I'm gonna start crying out "Horrors!" when I'm upset to. I think I deserve that level of drama.

ahh the classic "My blessings upon you!" Again, I love how every little line characterizes him. Either it's overly formal, like before, or subtly arrogant, like here, or both. It's so fun.

I need to write him saying "Sacred Sibyl!" more. Because that is such a fun little term. Rolls right off the tongue, honestly.

He also calls Sally "The Mother of Jackson", which sound like an epithet and I love it.

"I no longer felt as if someone were knitting a sweater inside my chest with hot needles" Hotdamn is this a metaphor. This is awful, but I immediately know exactly what feeling Lester is talking about. He is so good at this and it sucks lmao.

Love that Apollo points out that Percy has "long and nimble" fingers and that "he would have made an excellent musician" Just a cool thing for him to notice. He makes a lot of observations about other people's appearances, and they're surprisingly very non-judgemental. Unless he hates them, then he is extremely brutal.

Apollo recognizes the moonlace on Percy's windowsill, which is interesting bc I need to check but I think that only grows on Ogygia? Idk I gotta fact check that one, its v interesting he remembers what those specific flowers are called tho.

"This will probably involve many harrowing trials with a high chance of death" Apollo I think you jinxed yourself here buddy.

Kind of a follow up to the musician thing, but Apollo is so tuned in to people's body language. Like the whole paragraph where Apollo compares Meg to the mimosa plant is so interesting, bc he has known this girl for like, an hour at most, and he's already paying attention to the way she reacts in a conversation. Also he got hit by his own dodgeball of prophecy, making plant metaphors with Meg this early on.

Side note, I really wanna know what ambrosia nachos look like. Like, which part of that is made of ambrosia? All of it?

"He can dispatch some of you talented fodder- I mean heroes-" I'm not gonna lie, I think this is the worst thing Apollo says in all the books. Yikes man.

"Like billowing plumes from smoke grenades touched by King Midas." How do you come up with this stuff? What a wild description.

Another side note: Meg's earnest enthusiasm about Percy showing off his powers is so cute. Like, she's so excited by the thought of him being like Aquaman. She is the best written child in this whole franchise, honestly.

"FYI, the Black Plague was not my fault, I took one century off to lie around on the beach in Cabo-" I love the this line bc like. Nowadays Cabo is known for being such a beautiful tourist spot, but this was the 1300's. So Apollo went to a very much unknown beach by Europe's standards, and just fucked around for a century. It reads so much more like he was just trying to get as far away from his family as possible once you think about it for a second, even tho he's phrasing it like he was at some beach resort.

Another anecdote, apparently Apollo split up the Beatles, and it's one of his four greatest regrets. Damn.

And yet another anecdote: Artemis and Apollo go camping, and Artemis wakes up first (?) and douses Apollo with ice-cold water to wake him up. V funny image.

He keeps mentioning that he's lived for four thousand years. He's done it like three times in the last 8 chapters. We get it Apollo you're old lol.

"Perhaps even jubilant worshipers who would bring me peeled grapes, Oreos, and other holy offerings." I like this line bc I like to think the addition of oreos in this list is only bc so many campers have burned oreos for him over the years, so he now considers it a genuine offering.

One of the most obvious examples of Apollo defaulting to more ancinet-speak, but I love that when Apollo is genuinely spooked by the voice of Dodona in the woods in chp 9, he says "attend me, mortal." Just, the idea of him falling back in to old traditions the moment he's on the wrong foot is so cool to me.

Going back also makes me realize that Apollo was going to sing an honest to god love song to stop Cade and Mikey. That image will stay with me for years, I think.

Rhea is described as dressing like a "Libyan queen of old" which is interesting, bc I couldn't find any reference to Rhea being an important figure during the period where Ancient Greece had footholds in the region. What's interesting though, is that Apollo definitely was. One of the two cities Greeks established in Libya was Cyrene, and some myths even call the native Libyans the founders of both Delos and Delphi. So like, I have no idea where Rick got the idea of Rhea being connected to Libya, but it helped me learn new things, so that's cool!

Another anecdote: When Apollo drives the sun chariot as a bus, Hermes always sits in the back, because that's where troublemakers sit.

The way Apollo describes his physical state, I'm convinced he's just constantly in excruciating pain. Like, all he does is get off the cot in the Apollo cabin, and he says that his "eyes felt as if they were being microwaved in their sockets." Bestie, what? Are you dying, wtf lmao?

Anecdote: Apollo once attempted target practice in Zeus' throne room. That feels like it might have been a more pointed thing.

Apollo sees Nero in his dreams for the first time in chapter 10, but he doesn't recognize him yet. He spends the rest of the chapter simply referring to him as "The man in the purple suit", "The ugly mauve-suited man", and simply "the ugly man" King behavior, honestly.

I know I made a post about it a while ago, but I still can't get over Apollo's outrageous claim of 33 mortal girlfriends and 11 mortal boyfriends. He has past that in Ancient Greek lovers alone lmao.

Rick does a really good job of writing these long flowing internal monologues for Apollo, only to cut them off with a short sentence that both allows for an easy transition out of Apollo's head and back to the action of the scene, but also simulates Apollo getting distracted in his own ramblings and then abruptly coming back to reality. Like, he goes on for three paragraphs about Nico and will, and then his past loves, and then his embarrassment over sharing his love for Hyacinthus and Daphne, only to end it all off with the short line "I am so confused." and then we're right back into the scene. It's a really great comedic bit, and it does wonders for Lester's characterization. (Also my god does Lester read so much like he has ADHD. Almost more than Percy to me, but then I think Lester's flavor of ADHD is much more similar to my own than Percy's is)

Anecdote: Apollo cosplayed Rocky at midnight showings of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Queen.

Apollo mentions that he filmed the orientation film on "a tight budget in the 1950's" which like, why? Maybe it's mentioned in the supplemental books somewhere, but why would a god ever be put on a budget for something lmao?

"Had I been a god, I would have turned her into a blue-belly lizard and released her into the wilderness never to be seen again. The thought soothed me." One, Apollo she is twelve dear god. Two, I love this as a character moment for Apollo (Stay with me here). Apollo comes from a culture that is so focused on strength and power and violence. The moment he loses control of a situation, he grasps for any way to get power back into his hands. And in these moments, his way of giving himself power is by reassuring himself that he could totally murder everyone here if he wanted to. Killing people is a way to assert control, it's a way that Zeus and the other gods assert control all the time. And there's an implication with Apollo using these lines too. By asserting that he can kill people, it's also an assertion that the people he is threatening cannot kill him. Idk it's just a very interesting way of coping.

Real quick fun fact! Lester describes the Oracle of Delphi in Greece as a "cavern filled with volcanic fumes" but that's not actually 100% correct. The oracle of Delphi in Ancient Greece was actually in the Temple of Apollo, with descriptions from ancient scholars putting her either in the cella or in an adyton that was below the main temple. There was a opening in the ground in this chamber, but it certainly wasn't a cave. Furthermore, the whole idea of Apollo fighting Python in a cave? From what I can tell, this is also not based in myth! Most descriptions of the fight between Apollo and Python that I can find in myth describe Python being coiled around the mountains of the Parnassus range, which is a terrifying image honestly. Just find it interesting that none of the cave stuff is actually a part of the Delphic Oracle. I mean, from what I can tell, the nearest mythologically important cave is the Corycian cave, which has nothing to do with the oracle and is also like a 45 minute drive away from Delphi.

I completely forgot that dryads served the food at CHB. I was reminded of this fact because Apollo mentions that he's mad because he's too embarrassed to flirt with any of them. Classy, king.

Just an interesting tidbit, Apollo was well aware of what Camp Half-Blood looked like before he and Meg get there, but he mentions that he can't bring up any clear memories of Camp Jupiter. It's just interesting that Apollo has such a larger connection to CHB than he does CJ.

"A father should give more to his children than he takes. I have to admit this was a novel for me." Nice line with some good double meaning. Apollo's never been a good enough dad, and also his dad has never set this example.

Odd that Rick specifically decided to say that Athena brought "Berlitz Portuguese DVD's" to teach the Olympians Portuguese. Just an odd brand drop lol. Also funny that she got the DVD's for the Olympians as Saturnalia gifts.

Once again, Apollo is extremely tuned in to people's body language. He doesn't just notice that Austin starts fiddling with his camp necklace, he also immediately remembers that that's a physical tell that Austin's mother also had. The more I read the more it just seems like Apollo mainly uses people's physical reactions to read them, which makes sense because he does have multiple times where he misreads tone.

Hephaestus regularly builds automatons that apparently destroy cities? Mad scientist core.

A small note, but I really appreciate that Apollo recognizes Meg's swords as Thracian style before he mentions that they are siccae or made of imperial gold. It just makes sense to me that he'd recognize them from their older connection to Thracians first, and then realize their of roman origin.

"She's a communist" line. Classic

No offense to Demeter, sure she's a lovely lady, but it's crazy that she was ever Apollo's favorite aunt when Hestia exists.

Rick definitely stretched some to make the feud between Demeter and Apollo. Apollo says that Demeter got mad at him for dating one of her daughters, Chrysothemis, after she won the Pythian Games. Chrysothemis did exist and won the Pythian Games (The first Pythian Games actually, so Apollo must've been pretty young when this happened) but she was not a daughter of Demeter. She was actually the daughter of the priest who purified Apollo after he killed Python, so like, yeah again Apollo had to have been very young when this happened.

Demeter kids can apparently keep bacterial fungi at bay? Weird little Demeter kid fun fact.

Apollo uses the word "ablutions" instead of just saying he was washing up, which is perfect for two reasons. One, it once again shows he's pretentious as fuck, and two, ablution is specifically the act of ceremoniously washing the body or sacred containers. Which like, of course Apollo describes taking a shower like that.

In contrast to how well Apollo reads body language, he says "If I could trust my understanding of human responses, Meg did not seem thrilled" in response to something Meg said verbally. Yeah, I really think he doesn't get tone.

Yet another uncomfortable metaphor "Suddenly the bacon in my stomach expanded, wrapping around my organs." Why Apollo. Why.

"I didn't want to talk about this with Meg, not until I'd had time to reflect. She had enough to worry about." And he's only known her for about two days at this point. Empathetic king /hj.

Speaking of knowing her for two days, he's already pointing out her habit to shut down emotionally. Observant king /hj

He says "heavens help me" instead of "heaven help me" using the plural the same way demigods do with "oh my gods". I'm guessing this is an acknowledgment of other pantheons? Or I'm looking too far into it, I've just never heard this phrase with a plural "heavens" before.

He calls Cade and Mikey "Ruffians" . And he makes fun of the arrow for being Shakespearean.

He also refers to people as "Mortals" a lot here, which I remembered him doing, but now I want to keep track and see if he keeps that up throughout all the books, or if it peters out near the end.

"I thought how amusing it would be if I could make the snake tattoos around his neck come alive and strangle him to death" I honestly love how violent Apollo's thoughts can be sometimes. Like, you can tell he's someone who has done shit like this before.

I also want to keep track of all the little anecdotes Apollo brings up, so we'll start with the guitar contest against Chuck Berry in 1957, which apparently ended with him getting repeatedly stomped on.

"But something told me this was not she" II love how it's the little things that really get across how old Apollo is. Rick could've easily just said "It wasn't her" or something, but instead he had Apollo phrase this in a way that is far more formal, and more reminiscent of the grammatical patterns of old english. Idk it's just really cool.

(Side note that's not connected to Apollo: Meg's glasses are black? I feel like I've been living a lie, I've been coloring them red for years lol)

God his metaphors are just so striking. Like, I can imagine the phrase "Whatever was left of my pride turned into ice water and trickled into my socks" but I don't want to, because that's such a visceral feeling. I like that Apollo inadvertently proving how poetic he is by making the reader as uncomfortable as possible.

I think I'm gonna start crying out "Horrors!" when I'm upset to. I think I deserve that level of drama.

ahh the classic "My blessings upon you!" Again, I love how every little line characterizes him. Either it's overly formal, like before, or subtly arrogant, like here, or both. It's so fun.

I need to write him saying "Sacred Sibyl!" more. Because that is such a fun little term. Rolls right off the tongue, honestly.

I have fully reworked and redesigned my Apollo timeline!! These designs are meant to depict Apollo from 2591 B.C.E all the way to 392 C.E., so a good 2,983 years of life lol. A lot of things have changed from my first and second versions of this timeline (which you can see here and here if you're interested) so I'm just gonna rewrite the whole things here for y'all to read and enjoy! (Also disclaimer as always I am not a mythology expert, and I am taking some liberties with dates and time periods so sorry if anything seems off!)

we know this because in BoO Will says this:

‘We don’t know what’s going on at Delphi,’ Will continued. ‘My dad hasn’t answered any prayers, or appeared in any dreams … I mean, all the gods have been silent, but this isn’t like Apollo. Something’s wrong.’

(page 133-134. xiii, Nico)

'but this isn't like Apollo'

WHICH MEANS HE TYPICALLY ANSWERS PRAYERS AND APPEARS IN DREAMS.

and in TLO we get told Michael's sonic arrows are a gift from Apollo:

"A gift from your dad?" I asked. "God of music?" Michael grinned wickedly. "Loud music can be bad for you. Unfortunately, it doesn't always kill."

(page 172, chapter 11, WE BREAK A BRIDGE)

and in ToA none of his children seem to hold any ill will towards him and he's very loving towards them from first sight.

we know this because in BoO Will says this:

‘We don’t know what’s going on at Delphi,’ Will continued. ‘My dad hasn’t answered any prayers, or appeared in any dreams … I mean, all the gods have been silent, but this isn’t like Apollo. Something’s wrong.’

(page 133-134. xiii, Nico)

'but this isn't like Apollo'

WHICH MEANS HE TYPICALLY ANSWERS PRAYERS AND APPEARS IN DREAMS.

and in TLO we get told Michael's sonic arrows are a gift from Apollo:

"A gift from your dad?" I asked. "God of music?" Michael grinned wickedly. "Loud music can be bad for you. Unfortunately, it doesn't always kill."

(page 172, chapter 11, WE BREAK A BRIDGE)

and in ToA none of his children seem to hold any ill will towards him and he's very loving towards them from first sight.